Changes Over The Last Year

Wow this past year has changed me in so many ways. I can’t even imagine where I would be if my life hadn’t changed that much.  I am going to write about the changes over the last year for me and some of the people in my life. All the changes has been so good for me and also for the people that are in my life.

It was this time last year that they let Misti go at work. I still remember the day they let her go like it was yesterday even though I still wish that is was just a bad dream and that I could wake up for it. I don’t know that it will ever be the same here without her being here. It is even harder to wrap my head around the fact that she has had a baby and is now a mother.

Also anyone who has followed my blog from the start will know that my daughters birthday is coming up and that always makes it a tough time of year for me. I am finding that this year is going to be harder than some of the past years have been. It is always hard to gauge how a year will be for me but I think this is going to be hard for me.

Well that was quite the tangent so lets get back to the post. Other than those things I am still pretty much blogging about the same things. I really haven’t changed what I blog about because I have always just blogged about my life and for the most part my life doesn’t change that much.

How has the past year been for you?

Mama’s Losin’ It-Changes over the last year

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Healing

My best friend, okay she is more like a sister, had her baby on May 25.  I haven’t set foot in labor and delivery since I had and placed my daughter for adoption almost 7 years ago.  I that being there for her was going to be hard and it was going to bring emotions to the top that I hadn’t dealt with.  What I didn’t realize at the time was how healing it was going to be for me to be there with her and the baby.

After I got off of work I headed to the hospital and right when I pulled into the parking lot I broke down and started to cry.  I had to sit in my cry for a few minutes because the last thing she needed was to see me crying when see was in labor.  After I few minutes I got it together and I went into the hospital.  I didn’t really know where to be so I just stayed in the hall right outside the room she was in.

After she had him and we all came in the room and they asked me if I wanted to hold him all I could do was shake my head no.  My eyes filled up with tears and it was all I could do to keep from leaving the room.  To be honest in that minute I didn’t know if I would even hold him while he was in the hospital.  Every time I thought about holding him it brought all the emotions I had pushed to the background and hadn’t dealt with.

After they got her up to her postpartum room and her boyfriend left so he could run home and do a few things I stayed so that she wouldn’t have to be alone.  I didn’t want her to be alone because I know when I had my daughter it was hard to be in the hospital all alone.  After it was just the 3 of us I knew it was time to hold him and start to deal with the emotions.

After I held him for a little bit I realized that he did something for me that I didn’t know he could.  I can’t put into words what he did but he healed a part of me that I thought would always be broken.  He is so special to me because he will never know what he did for me and that is okay but he will always be a huge part of my life.

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Simple Things

Mama’s Losin’ It

This week for the Writers Workshop I am going to write about 1.) The simple things..

It is the simple things in life that make me happy:

Going home and chasing my girls around the house

Or listening to Sylvia “bark” like she is a dog

Hanging out with Misti just talking and laughing

Designing blogs for people

Laughing at the crazy things that people will say or do

Being around my grandma who can always make me laugh

Blogging

Reading good books

With out all the simple things that make me happy life would be depressing!

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Long Week

It has been a super long week.  The men that I work with are getting meaner all the time and I am not sure how much more I can deal with it.  I don’t understand why they feel that yelling at me or Misti is going to get their problems taken care of faster.  If I get yelled at by the guys I always make sure that I do what they were yelling about very last just because I am pissed.  I get so tired of getting yelled at about things are out of my control.  How hard it is to understand that I only enter in orders.  I have no idea about credits and if the customer is put on credit hold it isn’t my problem that we can’t invoice them out and or enter an order for them.  I am really at the end of my rope when it comes to dealing with the men and having them be total assholes to me all the time.  I am just going to start staring at them when the freak out and if they calm down I will try and help them.  If they don’t calm down then I am going to refuse to help them.  They treat Misti & I like we are stupid idiots that don’t do anything.  If Misti or I were to quit everyone would be in a world of hurt.  Hell I don’t even think the guys know how to work the phones let alone use the accounting program.  I really with there was a way to show the guys how things would run if one of wasn’t around.  They have no idea of how much Misti and I really do.
Yesterday was also my infusion and that always takes a lot out of me.  I don’t know why it makes me tired but it sure does.  I am so glad that it is over and I don’t have to worry about it until next month.  I am sure getting tired of the infusions and taking time off work so that I can get them done.  When I take days off of work I want to do fun things and not spend 4 hours or so at the cancer clinic getting medication put into my body.  One good thing is that my liver is doing super well which is a great thing.  I have to wonder how long my liver is going to hang in there though.  I has to deal with so many chemicals because of all the medications I am forced to take because of this damn disease. 

That is enough of this for now.  I will be back!  Have a great weekend and…..

GO PACKERS!!!!!!!!!!!

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Day 15-Something or Someone You couldn’t live without & Random Dozen

There are a few things I couldn’t live without.

First off I have to say my girls Elinore and Sylvia.  Even though they can be the biggest pain in my ass most days.

There is Misti because she is more like family than my own family.  We have are moments but all sisters do!

I also couldn’t live with out my Macbook and my Blackberry!


1. What is your favorite fair/carnival food?
I love the Indian Fry Bread!  I shouldn’t eat it but I could eat it all day long while I am at the fair.
2. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
People-I need to just forget about them and move on that is for sure but for me it is a hard thing to do.
3. What is your favorite gift to receive?
Something from the heart!  I don’t care what it is as long as it is from the heart.
4. When was the last time you tried something new?
It has been awhile because I don’t like change.
5. What is your favorite and least favorite book genre?
Right now I am really into mystery books.
6.Silver or Gold?
Silver
7. What makes you sigh?
Stupid people
8. If you didn’t know how old you are, how old would you claim you are?
21!!!!
9. Would you break a law to save a loved one? To protect a loved one?
Nope If you did the crime you can do the time!  I couldn’t bring myself to do something dumb and against the law just to save someone.
10. If you had to teach something, what would it be?
 Something about Facebook or Blogging!
11. You’re having lunch with 3 people whom you respect and admire. They begin to criticize a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. What do you do?
Stick up for the person!  I always stick up for my friends even if it makes me the odd man out.
12. Which of the 5 Love Languages is your prominent means of experiencing love?
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Acts of Service
Gifts
Words of Affirmation

Day 11- A Photo Taken Of Me Recently

I haven’t had pictures taken of me to recently so this is the most recent one that I could find.  I was just starting to get fat again so I stopped taking pictures!

Great Stress Relief

Those are my notes for this week!  I hope everyone is having a great Tuesday.

Tired Of High School Drama & Liars

Once again I am amazed at people how they act.  For the first time in a long time I am not even talking about my husband.  In fact things have been ok on that front since I posted that last update.  I think he read it and saw what he was really doing to me.  Anyways back to the reason for this post.  Today I went and picked up Miss CoCo and took her over to visit Misti.  CoCo is really Misti’s fiances dog.  He is currently not able to take care of her so she is at my “friends” house.  Well the last few weeks my “friend” has been acting really weird.  When I got to the house he is living in I find out that he has til Tuesday to get out.  He has known this for about two months and hasn’t once told me I needed to find a place for the dog to go.  In fact I still wouldn’t know if his ex wasn’t there helping the kids pack their things.  I mean good hell who is out of town on vacation when they are going to lose their house and all of their animals.  But the story gets even better than just that.  In the beginning there were two dogs but now only one of the dogs is alive and that is something that he never told me as well.  I was so heart broken to have to tell Misti that one of Ron’s dogs had to be put down and I am just now finding out about it and once again it is from his ex and not him.  I decided today that I am so over his games and what not.  Who the hell can act like they are a “friend” and not tell me what is going on and give me more than 2 days to figure out a place for this dog to stay.  I mean good hell it isn’t that hard to call or text me and let me know that he was losing the house and that I needed to find a place for the dog to go for about 17 days.  This post was more about me venting than anything else.  Now I am going to have to pull something out of my ass to find a place for this dog and I am out of options.  If anyone in the Salt Lake valley is willing to help me out for 17  days I would be really grateful.  If you can help out please leave a comment and I will get in touch with you ASAP!
I hope everyone is having a great Monday!

Finally This Week Is Half Done!

I want to thank everyone for all the kind words and for sticking behind me.  It is nice to know that I am really not alone in all of this.  Now not only do I have Misti, and Jill I also have people who read my blog and are there if I just need to vent or blow off some steam.  I am so thankful that people can see like I do why I can’t trust him again and why it just won’t work.  I feel like I am on a roller coaster with him anymore.  One day he is nice and caring and then other days he is a total ass about everything.  I just feel like I am going crazy.  Right now he is being nice to me and I hope that is stays this way but god only knows when he will be a dick head to me again.  I am trying to hard to stay positive about the whole situation and know that in the end it will be okay but when he is a jerk it just makes me feel so bad about everything.  I hope that he will figure it out soon or I am going to have to stop talking to him because I can’t continue to do this whole up and down thing with him anymore.  That is it for today because my brain is tired and I am emotional exhausted. 

I hope everyone is having a great day!

Well I finally made it to Friday and I can say that I so glad it is almost the weekend.  I have had a really rough week and I am ready to turn my brain off and forget about all the stress until Monday.  Anyway it is time for Friday letters!
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Dear Josh,
I don’t seem to understand why you and I can’t be friends.  Maybe Squirrel is right and it will take time but I get the feeling that it won’t ever change with you.  I am probably right and need to get used to not talking to you anymore.  It is hard for me because I look at you like you are one of my best friends and it will be hard to not talk to you again but I will respect your wish’s and after the divorce is final I won’t contact you again.
Margaret
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Squirrel,
Thank you for always being there for me! Even when I am being a bitch or depressed.  It always sucks that we are both always going through so much that we can’t totally be there for the other person and what not.  I want you to know that I am trying my best to be there for you all the time and I hope I am doing a good job at it.
Bunnie
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MS Active Source,
You totally suck major ass!  I am so tired of the run around and you not doing your job.  Don’t you get that I am already a week late for the medication and now it is going to be two weeks at least before I get the medication.  You idiots are the reason I am seriously thinking about stopping your drug and taking my chances with disease.
Pissed Off Customer
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Dear Followers,
Thank you for reading and commenting on my blog!  It makes me feel good to know that people like to read what I write!
Thanks,
Margaret
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I have an update about what is going on coming this weekend!

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