Adoption Thoughts- A Hard Year

 

Adoption Thoughts

I wanted to do another post in my adoption thoughts series because I haven’t done one in awhile.  If you want to read any of my past posts in this series, you can click here to check them out.  This post is going to be about how hard this year has been since I

July 7th will mean that eleven years has gone by since I placed my daughter for adoption.  I can’t believe it has been that long since I had her.  I have found myself thinking more and more about her this year, and I think that is because I had to put Alley Cat to sleep earlier this year.

I have always said that Alley was my replacement baby, and now that she is gone I can’t stop being taken back eleven years.  There are some days that it seems like it all just happened a few days ago.  I can still remember all the feelings and how I felt the moment I handed her off to her parents.

I feel like I just can’t wait for this year just to be over so that I won’t have to think about it anymore.  Even as I type that, I know that just because her birthday passes it won’t just go away.  I know that only time will make it not hurt as much, and I hate waiting for time to pass because it seems to take forever.

There isn’t anything that I want to say other than that I am struggling with everything this year.  I just want to go to sleep and not wake up until the middle of July.  I know that it won’t make it better or make it hurt less, but I hope that by getting the thoughts out of my head and written down will help me deal with it all.  That is all I have to say, and I am hoping to have another post about adoption up on her birthday.

*I did write a post earlier this year about saying goodbye to Alley so if you want to check that out, you can click here to read that post.
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Happy Thanksgiving & Happy Birthday!

Brycen Happy Thanksgiving

Have great and safe holiday.   I will be back tomorrow with another product review.

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Special Quote Of The Week

Quote Of The Week

This weeks quote is just going to be short because today is my daughters birthday and I didn’t feel up to writing anything and the post I had been working on got deleted so I am going to have to start over on that one.

Strength

Let me know what you think!

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Taking The Week Off!

Closed

I am taking the week off of work so I am not going to be blogging as well.  I am taking a much needed break.  I still have 2 posts that will go up because I was able to schedule them to post but other than that I am gone but I will be back on the 2nd of December so I will see you all then!

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I Am How Old?!?!?!?!

 

How OldAt that beginning of September I had an appointment with my Multiple Sclerosis doctor to get the results for my latest MRI.  I have an update coming up that will let everyone know the results and all the fun stuff.

Anyways back to the story at hand.  I was sitting in the office meeting with the doctor and she asked me how old I was.  I said I was 26 and left it at that.  Well after I got home from the doctors I started to wonder if I was actually 26 or if I was 27.

I was looking at the print out that they gave me after my appointment that says what we are doing and when my next appointments are.  The paper said that I was 27.  I had to go and ask my grandma how old I was and she said she thought I was 27.  Well come to find out I spent all year thinking I was 26 and turning 27 next month.  Looks like I was wrong and I am turning 28 next month so I vote that I get to have two birthdays because I got two years older this year!

All I can say is that I get to have two birthdays this year and I feel like a total idiot!!!! Gotta love not knowing how old you are!  The other funny thing is as long as I can remember everyone in my family has always forgotten how old I am so I guess I am just following their lead!

What is one thing you forgot that you shouldn’t have forgotten?

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Changes Over The Last Year

Wow this past year has changed me in so many ways. I can’t even imagine where I would be if my life hadn’t changed that much.  I am going to write about the changes over the last year for me and some of the people in my life. All the changes has been so good for me and also for the people that are in my life.

It was this time last year that they let Misti go at work. I still remember the day they let her go like it was yesterday even though I still wish that is was just a bad dream and that I could wake up for it. I don’t know that it will ever be the same here without her being here. It is even harder to wrap my head around the fact that she has had a baby and is now a mother.

Also anyone who has followed my blog from the start will know that my daughters birthday is coming up and that always makes it a tough time of year for me. I am finding that this year is going to be harder than some of the past years have been. It is always hard to gauge how a year will be for me but I think this is going to be hard for me.

Well that was quite the tangent so lets get back to the post. Other than those things I am still pretty much blogging about the same things. I really haven’t changed what I blog about because I have always just blogged about my life and for the most part my life doesn’t change that much.

How has the past year been for you?

Mama’s Losin’ It-Changes over the last year

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Ways to Cope With Placing Your Child For Adoption

I placed my daughter for adoption in July of 2005.   I attend a support group for unwed mothers that the agency I was going to had.  Not everyone in the group was placing for adoption but I learned so much from the girls that have placed and listening to what worked and didn’t work for them.  I figured that I would share some of the things that worked for me and things that may work for other birth parents.

Before I get into them I was researching some things on adoption and I found this article.  While I reading through article I found this paragraph and I really liked what it said.  I am going to post it here because I think it speaks volumes about how birth parents are looked at by people who don’t understand are choices.  Here is the paragraph:

Most people at some time in their lives experience grief when they are separated from a loved one. However, in adoption, there are no standard grieving processes or approved rituals to help birthparents cope. When a well-liked co-worker accepts a new job in a new city, there is often a going away party. When a loved one dies, there may be a religious service, a wake, a funeral, and visits to the survivors’ home by friends and relatives. But birthparents’ grief is distinct from most other types of grief, because it is not always socially acceptable to talk about what happened.

Now on to the ways I coped and ways that others have coped with the greif.

  • Journal-I wrote out why I placed her in a journal that I then gave to the adoptive mom to give to my daughter when they thought she was ready to read it.
  • Talk to other birth moms-It helped me tons to be able to talk to other girls who had been though it and could tell me that it would get better with time.  I never thought the first year would end but each year it gets easier at least it has for me.
  • Take one day at at time-There are time where You are going to have to take it minute by minute but know that time will heal the pain.  At first the pain is so raw that it is all you can think about but it does get easier I promise.
  • Build a support system-I helps to have people who know the whole story and whither or not they agree with your choice they will still stand behind you and listen to you talk.  There will be times that just talking to someone and having them not try to answer but just listen helps so much.  It makes such a difference to just get the thoughts out of you head and have someone not feel the need to try and make it better but just listen.
  • Allow yourself to feel the emotions-I know in the beginning I wanted to run from the emotions I was feeling and not feel anything but by doing that you are going to be making it harder in the long run.  Allow yourself to feel and grieve.
  • Keep Scrapbooks and/or pictures around-If you were to walk into my room right now the only pictures I have up are the ones of her when she is older.  In the beginning looking at the pictures made me feel better but after the first year and even know it is so hard for me to look at the pictures of her while we were in the hospital because I want the baby.  I heard from one of the girls in the support group that her child became two different people in her head even though she knew they were the same.  She like me wanted the baby and not the child that she is now.
  • If you need help ask-Don’t be too afraid to talk to a counselor if you are having a hard time deal with all of the emotions.  I saw one quite awhile after I placed my daughter and that helped me so much.

When I think of more ways I am for sure going to post them and if you know of any other ways to cope please leave a comment so that I can add it to my next post.

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Thanksgiving & My Birthday

Thursday was Thanksgiving here in the US and that is always a super busy day for me as it is for tons of people.   I helped my grandma and I also worked on designs most of the day.  I want to redo both of my sites but I have no idea what I want to do with my sites.  I also come up with great ideas for clients but I can never figure out what I am going to do with my own sites.  Oh well I always figure it out in the end.  We had my grandma’s family over and there was quite a few of them that showed up.  I never did count but we had planned on 17 or so.  Once that was over I just went to bed because I was exhausted and I didn’t even do much because the MS is kicking my butt lately.

My birthday was on Saturday and I didn’t do anything other than go to dinner with my grandparents and my brother.  My birthday was uneventful this year and I am okay with that!  I am not looking forward to Christmas for several reasons but the main one is because I am already so tired I don’t know where I am going to find the energy to do everything that goes on this time of year.  I think I will just hide!

I hope everyone had a great weekend and if you are in the US I hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving!

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Another Year Older

Happy Birthday little girl!  Never forget that I love you and wish you all the best in life! 

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The 26th-Thanksgiving And My Birthday

Well the 26th was my birthday and Thanksgiving.  It was a good day and it was also stressful because I was going to go to dinner at my Dad’s house and it was the third time I had met with him.  So I started out the day bright and early because I could sleep so I got up and just relaxed most of the day.  We went to my Dad’s about about 12:30 or so.  When we got there we just looked at my baby books that I had brought and then we ate.  After that we just watched football for awhile.  I got two sets of flowers for my birthday this year which was really nice and unexpected.  When my husband came over in the morning he brought me roses and my Dad and Heather brought me three Gerber Daisy’s.  All in all I think it was one of my favorite birthdays.  It was nice for my husband to meet my husband.  The other times when I met with him my best friend came with me.  It seemed like they all got along which was a great thing and made it less stressful for me. 
Today is Black Friday and my Grandma and I went shopping and got a few things.  I ordered my new lap top online yesterday so that I wouldn’t have to fight crowds to get one.  I had to pay shipping but it was worth it because I didn’t have to get in a fight to get one this morning.  I am super excited and I can’t wait until it gets here. 
I hope everyone had a great Black Friday!