My best friend, okay she is more like a sister, had her baby on May 25. I haven’t set foot in labor and delivery since I had and placed my daughter for adoption almost 7 years ago. I that being there for her was going to be hard and it was going to bring emotions to the top that I hadn’t dealt with. What I didn’t realize at the time was how healing it was going to be for me to be there with her and the baby.
After I got off of work I headed to the hospital and right when I pulled into the parking lot I broke down and started to cry. I had to sit in my cry for a few minutes because the last thing she needed was to see me crying when see was in labor. After I few minutes I got it together and I went into the hospital. I didn’t really know where to be so I just stayed in the hall right outside the room she was in.
After she had him and we all came in the room and they asked me if I wanted to hold him all I could do was shake my head no. My eyes filled up with tears and it was all I could do to keep from leaving the room. To be honest in that minute I didn’t know if I would even hold him while he was in the hospital. Every time I thought about holding him it brought all the emotions I had pushed to the background and hadn’t dealt with.
After they got her up to her postpartum room and her boyfriend left so he could run home and do a few things I stayed so that she wouldn’t have to be alone. I didn’t want her to be alone because I know when I had my daughter it was hard to be in the hospital all alone. After it was just the 3 of us I knew it was time to hold him and start to deal with the emotions.
After I held him for a little bit I realized that he did something for me that I didn’t know he could. I can’t put into words what he did but he healed a part of me that I thought would always be broken. He is so special to me because he will never know what he did for me and that is okay but he will always be a huge part of my life.