Sick & Tired

Sick of multiple sclerosis

I know I have written posts about this in the past but right now it is something that is bothering me again.  I am so sick and tired of Multiple Sclerosis right now because I am tired of feeling like crap.  Everytime I go to the doctors they are switching up medications to try and make me feel better but nothing ever works.  I am just tired of everything that has to do with Multiple Sclerosis and just not feeling well.

I know my situation could always be worse which is why I don’t talk much about how I am feeling but I have reached a point where I need to write about how I feel so that I  can at least get it out and off of my chest.  I also know that in the world of MS I have been relatively lucky as far as the disease progression goes but like I said before I am just sick of the disease.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I know there really isn’t anything people can do about this at this point but I still wanted to write this because I don’t know that I have ever read a blog where someone with MS was totally honest about how much the disease sucks.  I know this will pass and I will get back to the point where the things just roll off of my back but right now I just want to bitch about it.  I also want to let others know that it is okay to be pissed off about what the disease does to us.

I am also tired of people thinking I am lazy because after I get off work the only thing I want to do is go home and go to bed.  I wish there was someway for me to explain to others how tired I get going to work everyday.  I wish I could find something to give me more energy but as it stands everything I have tried just makes things worse.  I know if I could sleep I wouldn’t be as tired but like usual my health insurance company sucks and they won’t fill the one medication that does help me sleep and I can’t  afford the medication without it being covered.

Anyway I am just bitchy and sick and this is what happens when I feel like this for months on end.  How are things going for you guys right now????

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So Frustrated!

So Frustrated

I got the idea for this post from a past writers workshop and I knew when I saw it that I had to write about it.  The prompt is: Something that frustrates you.  I knew I had to write about it because I find myself getting frustrated easily lately and I figured this might help me get the things off my chest and maybe even get over some of them.  Anyway here goes the list of things that are currently frustrating me.

  • Idiot drivers who refuse to use their blinkers before they change lanes.  I also am so tired of people cutting me off and then getting pissed off at me when I honk at them.  I guess I should just be okay with getting cut off and almost getting in a wreck.  I will try and remember that next time.
  • I answer the phones at work and I am so frustrated with people I work with not answering their calls and also never returning their voicemails.  I am so tired of getting bitched at by the customers who get pissed off because they are never getting calls back.  I understand the customers being pissed off but it isn’t my problem and I can’t make anyone answer their calls and/or listen to their voicemails.
  • I am frustrated that I can’t figure out how to make Elinore stopping pooping outside of the litter box.  I wish I knew what caused her  to start doing this let alone how in the hell I am going to make her stop doing this.  If you have any suggestions please let me because we are all at our wits end with her.
  • I am super frustrated with my health and not knowing what is going on.  I hate having Multiple Sclerosis because you never know what is going to happen and what the coming day will bring.  I am so tired of not knowing what is going to happen or not knowing what is really going on because there is no way to really know.

Those are a few of things that I am frustrated about right now.  I know there are more things but those are top 4 things that have me super frustrated right now.

Do you have any advice on how to deal with any of these?  What are you frustrated about right now?

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MS Tuesday-A Few New MS Graphics

MS

A few months ago I posted this post where I simply posted MS graphics that I had found.  I have found a few more so I wanted to post them here because March is MS Awareness month.  I also hope to have an update on my latest MRI & doctors appointment post up next week.1911613_778454832182993_1319209662_n1794694_778452895516520_533254950_nmultiple_sclerosis_ms_hope_1_cards-r64b74515ab9f412fb4fa220d0c61028c_xvuak_8byvr_152265093_10151302215402144_843509339_n 1011886dc4248e884b5c8b10051e0fb4 1376317_773445469350596_1654535030_n b8c8b0c08b645328afe892abe351edd31378051_10202773142628323_1982290300_n 1235221_519386688174481_1567666107_n 1558558_510567469056403_1851535947_n

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One

One

I chose another prompt from the Daily Post blog and the one I chose this time is:

If you could have a guarantee that one, specific person was reading your blog, who would you want that person to be? Why? What do you want to say to them?

When I read this prompt I knew I wanted to write about it but I wasn’t sure who I would want the one person to be.  I have sat and thought about it and I know who I wouldn’t want to read my blog but as for someone who would I am not so sure.

I don’t think I could just pick one person so I am going to change it to a group of people.  Even as I try and have it be a group of people I still have more than one so I guess I am totally breaking all the rules and just going to list 2 groups of people.

  • I wish young people who are getting diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis at a young age like I did would read this blog.  I know when I was diagnosed it sucked that there was no one around me that was my age.  When we would go to events I was always the youngest person and I wish I would have had someone I could relate to.  It is hard to be 16 years old and be diagnosed with a disease that can’t be cured.
  • I would want book-worms to read my blog because I know before I got into reviewing books I had a really hard time figuring out what to read next and things like that.  I wish I would have had a blog or place to go where I would read reviews of books and a place to read about different types of books.

Those are the two groups of people I would like to read my blog because I think it would be interesting for them.  I am sure there are other groups that would like to read my blog but those are the 2 main groups that I would like to read it.

Who would you want to read your blog?

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I Am Thankful

Thankful

This week for the writers workshop I am going to write about number 4 which is something you’re thankful for this week.  I chose this one because Thanksgiving is coming up in the United States.  I see on Facebook that people post one thing each day that they are thankful for so I figured that I would post a few things I am thankful for.

  • I am thankful that I have a job and through that job I am able to have health insurance.
  • I am thankful for my grandparents who are letting me stay with them because I don’t make enough to pay rent and I make too much to live in the low income apartments. (Even though some people think that I am staying there because I am lazy)
  • I am thankful that the Multiple Sclerosis isn’t as bad as it could be and that unless I tell you I have it you can’t tell because I don’t “look sick”.
  • I am thankful that I learned the the majority of my family is full of shit and I can ignore what they say because it doesn’t matter.
  • I am thankful that my grandparents took my brother and I in when we were younger and that they raised us.
  • I am thankful that I only had to work 3 days this week so I get a 4 day weekend.

Those are just a few things I am thankful for today.  What are you thankful for today?

If you want to be apart of the writers workshop you can click here and find out all about it!

Mama’s Losin’ It

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Hi, My Name Is . . .

My Name Is . . .

This was a prompt from last weeks writers workshop and I had to write about it because it was such a fun topic and there are tons of things that could complete the sentence.  I think I am going to just list things that I am and then explain why on some of them.

  • Birth Mom-I placed my daughter for adoption when I was 20.
  • Blogger
  • Daughter
  • Mom to two crazy cats
  • Book lover
  • Introvert
  • Person who truly loves to be alone
  • Huge football fan-I will watch pretty much any game but I love the University of Utah & the Baltimore Ravens.
  • Suffer of an invisible illness-Multiple Sclerosis
  • College dropout
  • Blog Designer

Those are just the few things that came first to me.  I know I could go on and on with a list but no one has time to read that.

How would you answer the sentence?

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My First Pregnancy

My First

This is another prompt for one of the writers workshop and I wanted to write about it because my first pregnancy was with my daughter who I placed for adoption when I was 20.  I wanted to write this more for me than anyone else and maybe one day my daughter will read this and she will have some idea of what it was like for me being pregnant with her.

When I found out I was pregnant I was about 6 weeks pregnant and so sick.  I had morning sickness so bad that I had to take an anti nausea pill almost every for most of the pregnancy.  I wasn’t one of the lucky ones where the morning sickness goes away after the first trimester.

My pregnancy was also harder I believe because I knew through the whole thing what the end was going to be.  I never thought I could keep her so I always knew that I would end up leaving the hospital empty handed.  I tried my best not to bond with her but anyone who has been pregnant before knows that you bond with your child because you are with them 24/7 for nine months.

Towards the end of my pregnancy my back was out and I just miserable.  I did end up going to the chiropractor because I wasn’t able to sit down or stand up without pain.  It took a few times but he did make my back better and I saw him through the end of my pregnancy and in fact I still see him from time to time.

My pregnancy wasn’t the best out there but it was terrible either.  One of the best things about the whole experience is the fact the my Multiple Sclerosis went into remission while I was pregnant so I didn’t have to worry about anything crazy going on with that but it got bad after I delivered and the hormones all dropped off.  I have been thinking about being a surrogate because I truly didn’t mind being pregnant and I would love to help people have their families.  I do know that I don’t think I will have anymore of my own children but like I said I would love to help out other people.

How was your first pregnancy?

If you want to be apart of the writers workshop you can click here and find out all about it!

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Two Words

two words

This was a  prompt for the writers workshop or will be this coming week but I really wanted to write about it.  The topic is: If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in just two words.  If I only had two words that I could use I think I would have them say:

Don't Rush

I would chose these words because I was always in a rush to grow up and I wish now I would have just enjoyed being a child and not worried about growing up and how I wanted to be an adult.  I find it funny now as adults everyone say’s not to rush growing up and enjoying being a child but we all know that every child wants to be an adult.  I know when people told me to enjoying being a child I just laughed it off because being a kid seems to suck when you are younger.  I wish I would have enjoyed more of the few good years of my childhood that I had before things changed again and this next phrase is something I wish I could tell my younger self:

It Gets Better

Because I really needed to hear these words while I was in school and recently diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.  I still remember how hard it was to come to a realization that the MS was never going to go away and in fact it could get worse than it already is.  It is a hard pill to swallow that at a such young age you have a disease that will never go away and you don’t know how it will end up affecting you.

What two words would you write to a younger you?

If you want to be apart of the writers workshop you can click here and find out all about it!

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Frustrated With Multiple Sclerosis

Frustrated With Multiple Sclerosis

I guess it is time that I write about what is going with me and the Multiple Sclerosis because I haven’t really done an update in a while.  If you were to look at my you wouldn’t be able to tell that anything is wrong with me because everything that is going on is on the inside or at least if I don’t tell you anything is wrong then you won’t know anything is wrong.

For the last 2 or 3 months I have been exhausted to say the least.  I wrote a post earlier this week about how I am not sleeping but this exhaustion is so much more than just not sleeping.  It is so hard for me to explain the difference between being tired because of lack of sleep or being exhausted because of the MS.  I don’t think there really is away for me to explain it other than saying I am so tired that if I could stop breathing I would because that takes more energy than I have.

I know that my lack of sleeping isn’t helping the situation any either so that gets to me as well.  I just feel like I am falling apart and we have no reason as to why I am feeling this way.  I had an MRI done at the end of August and when I went to get the results my scanned showed that the disease hadn’t been active in the last six months.  Which should be a great thing but I felt confused and pissed off by it.  I really wish the scan would have shown something so that there was some sort of reason for why I am feeling the way that I am.

After my last appointment  I started on a new medication and I have taken it for a month and haven’t seen any change in how I am feeling so I don’t know if it is working or not.  She did say that I could take it twice a day and I haven’t done that yet because I already take so many pills that I hate taking more but I think I am going to try to take it twice a day for a couple of weeks and see what happens.

It is so hard having something like MS because it sucks when you can’t figure out what is wrong in order to try to fix it.  I have to wonder if I am going to have an MS relapse soon because this is usually how you feel before you have one or it is at least how I have always felt before one.  As of now I am “stable” but I don’t think I truly am.  There has to be something going on and it just isn’t showing up on the MRI.  My next MRI is in February and I see my doctor again at the beginning of March so we will see what happens in the next few months.

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My Sleeping Problems

Sleeping Problems

So I haven’t ever written about my problems with sleeping on this blog but I feel I need to write about it because there may be other people out there struggling with the same things.  I also hope that someone out there may have some suggestions for things I have tried yet to try to help me sleep.   I have always had problems sleeping but in the last few years it has gotten 100 times worse.

I first really started to notice my sleeping problems when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis when I was 15 or 16.  I have always had problems sleeping but I really started to notice them in high school and college.  From the age of about 16 I was given prescriptions for Ambien and Sonata which are both sleeping pills.  So at this point those two no longer work for me.  When I was in my mid twenties they prescribed me Lunesta which for me was a wonder drug because for the first time I was able to sleep and I didn’t seem to get used to them.

I took those on and off for years.   The insurance I know have through work refuses to pay for them and there is no way I can afford to pay over $200 a month for them so I haven’t been able to get them.  Since I haven’t been able to get them I have had to start trying all the over the counter sleeping medications and I haven’t had much luck with them.

I have tried taking Melatonin and I will still take it sometimes but I have found that I have to take so much of it to get me to sleep that I end up with a huge headache the next morning.  The only thing I have found that works is taking a combination if Tylenol PM & Ibuprofen PM along with a time released Melatonin pill to help me stay asleep longer because lately I manage to take enough stuff to fall asleep but I can’t stay asleep to save me life.

I have also stopped watching TV after work and I try not to use my cell phone once I am home so that I can try to wind down from the day but no matter what I try nothing seems to be working for me.

Does anyone know of anything else I can try to use for sleep?  I will take any and all suggestions at this point!

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