Proud Blog Button Hop

Jacqui and I are starting this cool new blog hop.  All you have to do is:

• Swing by Jacqui's blog and fill out the form she has.
• Be a follower of all the hosts
• Grab a button and post it on your sites that you have apart of the hop
• Blog about the hop each week inviting your followers to become members
• You only have to fill out the form once and after that it will always show up!!!!

Everyone should run over to her blog and sign up to play along!!!  This hop will be every Wednesday.

Day 5

Today's topic is a photo of me that was taken 2 years ago.  I believe that this one was taken then but I could be off by a year.

MS Tuesdays

This is something I posted on my private blog but thought that maybe people out there can relate to what I am saying.  This post really isn't about MS but it is something that I am struggling with right now because of the MS and people not understanding my current mood.

I wish people could understand how it feels to one day be able to do something and then the next day not be able to do it.  People just don't seem to understand the amount of frustration and anger that it causes to never know what the next day will bring.  It is so hard right now for me to except that I am sick and getting sicker.  I hate that I am never going to know from day to day what this disease will bring.  I know people think I am crazy, mean and or bitchy but if they want to know what it is like lets randomly make them not able to do things and then change it at random times.  I really wish everyone could experience it that way they would know what it feels like and how frustrating it is not knowing what the next day is going to bring.  It is so hard going to bed not knowing how you will feel when you wake up or what you will be able to do.

People in my life assume that because I am up and walking around that I am okay but what they can't see is the pain I am in or the fact that my feet are numb.  I wish I had a disease that you could see so that people wouldn't think I am lying to them about how I feel.  I don't understand why it is so hard to understand that I am in pain and I hurt on a daily basis.  I also don't get why people don't seem to get the I am sick and not lazy.  If I could work two jobs and move out of my Grandparents house I would in a heart beat but it is all I can do to work the job that I have now.  I hate living there and I don't think people understand that.  I moved out before because I couldn't stand it there and I am back to that point again.  No one will ever understand just how much I hate being there but because of the huge amount of doctors bills I have and will always have because of the MS I have no option but to live there because I don't make enough to pay doctor bills and rent.

Jacqui

Get your own myspace graphics or myspace layouts at MyspaceBrand.com



It is my bloggy BFF's birthday today!!!  She is also the designer of my blogs.  I have never met her in person but it seems like I have known her forever.  I can tell her anything and she just seems to get me and what I am saying.  I am hoping one day soon her and I will be able to met up and party in Vegas for our birthdays.  Everyone needs to go send her some birthday wishes.  Here are the links to her blogs:
http://bloggingjacqui.blogspot.com/
http://www.cookingforlittlefingers.blogspot.com/
http://www.wackyjacquisdesigns.blogspot.com/

Love ya girl!!!!!!

Thanksgiving Pictures

This pictures were taken yesterday and wow do I look fat!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

MyHotComments

Day 4

Today I am supposed to post a picture of my best friend.  I have two so I am going to post pictures of both of them.  First there is Jacqui who designs my blog and is also someone I have never met in real life but I hope I will one day.

My other best friend is my boss and more like a sister than a best friend.  Her and I have been through a lot together and we get closer everyday.  Most days she knows me better than I know myself!

Those are my two best friends!

Copaxone

This week I am going to talk about Copaxone and my experiences with it.  Copaxone is given in shot form that you take every day.  It goes just under the skin.  It is composed a amino acids that may act as a decoy so that your body will attack the drug and not your nervous system.  This drug has been around since about 1996 and seen as a safe drug. Here are a list of possible side effects from the drug:

• pain, redness, swelling, itching, or lump in the place where you injected glatiramer
• weakness
• flushing
• depression
• abnormal dreams
• pain in the back, neck, or any other part of the body
• severe headache
• loss of appetite
• diarrhea
• nausea
• vomiting
• weight gain
• swelling of the hands, feet, ankles, or lower legs
• purple patches on skin
• joint pain
• confusion
• nervousness
• crossed eyes
• difficulty speaking
• shaking hands that you cannot control
• sweating
• ear pain
• painful or changed menstrual periods
• vaginal itching and discharge
• urgent need to urinate or defecate
• tightness in muscles
• white patches in the mouth
  
  

I personally have never seen this many possible side effects.   I can tell you when I took it I remember the injection site being red and swollen and that is all the side effects I had.  I hated these shots for a number of reasons but the many one is that I hated to give myself a shot everyday.  I hate giving shots to myself.  I would sit there for hours trying to talk myself into doing it.  It would finally get to the point where someone else would have to do it for me.  This drug didn't do anything for me at all.  I felt like I did when I wasn't on anything.  I know for some people they love this drug but for me personally it did nothing.

That is all I really have to say about the drug.  Please don't base your decisions on which treatment to use sully on my experiences with the drug.  Before I do any treatment I always do research on it and see what people who are on it say about it.  I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving.  As always I am looking for ideas to write about so if you have something you would like to see please leave me a comment and I will write about it!
Sources
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glatiramer_acetate
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0000225

Day 3

Day 3 is my idea of a perfect date.  I don't really have an idea because I hate dating.  I also have no desire to date ever again.  I am okay being single at least for now.  I do have days that get lonely but for the most part I am much happier not having to worry about a guy and having to check in with someone.

Freaky Friday Follow

<a border="0" href="http://margarettidwell.blogspot.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i845.photobucket.com/albums/ab13/jacquiblogger/FFF-1.jpg" /> </a>

It is time for another Freaky Friday Follow!  Here are the rules:

• Follow both hosts (we are in spots 1 & 2)-Leave a comment so we can return the follow
• Answer the questions
• Grab the button
• Come back and link up

This week there is only one question:
1-List 6 things you are thankful for!

I am going to take next week off so Freaky Friday will resume the week after Thanksgiving!
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1. My Cats because they always can make me smile.
2. My car because it gets me to and from work everyday
3. Family and Friends
4. My Job (well most days I am glad to have a job)
5. A warm place to sleep at night
6. Enough food to eat!

Day 2

Day 2 is something that I have eaten today.  I am going to take pictures off of the internet because I didn't take pictures.

As you can see I ate a lot of crap today.  I tend to snack all day so I eat a lot of different things!

MS Tuesdays-Tysabri & Me

This week for MS Tuesdays I am going to write about my latest infusion and the new side effects that I had with this one.  I have always gotten a headache and sometimes I would have a reaction that felt like I was burning up from the inside out.  Well this time I had a whole new set of side effects that I wasn't prepared for.  I had in on a Thursday because I couldn't take Friday off and now that I look back at it and this turned out to be a good thing.  Anyways, I  woke up Friday and i was a little stiff but that is pretty much how it goes when I don't take my muscle relaxer before I go to bed.  I didn't think anything of it because it does happen and usually wears off after a few hours.  By the time I got to work I was in so much pain I wanted to cry.  I ended up calling my doctor and getting pain pills called  in but I decided that I would rather have a headache all weekend then the amount of pain I am in right now.  I have learned to handle headaches but I can't deal with this pain especially since it is super hard to get pain pills out of my doctor.  She treats me like I am a drug addict and it is getting on my last nerve but that is another post for another day.  So I have the pain and when I was looking at the other side effects a lot of things made a whole bunch of sense to me.  Here are the side effects that go along with the drug:

headache urinary tract infection lung infection pain in your arms and legs vaginitis nose and throat infections

feeling tired joint pain depression diarrhea rash stomach area pain

When I looked at this list I realized that the UTI I had was because of the drug and the fact that my glands always swell up and hurt me was because of it.  I am amazed that this drug that is helping my MS is always making me sick.  It makes no sense to me.  I know I don't want to stop taking the drug but I also know that I can't keep dealing with all of the side effects.  All the ones in pink are the ones that I have had while I have been taking this drug.  After looking at the list and things that I have it is time to go back to the doctor and maybe go on a different medication. 

The big thing I want to say today is don't let doctors bully you into staying on something that makes you sicker than the MS makes you.  You need to take your health into your own hands and do what makes you feel better!

New 30 Day Blog Journal

I am going to start a new 30 day blog journal. I am not going to post everyday just every few days.  It will take me longer than 30 Days but I am okay with it!



Day 1 - A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.

Day 2 - A photo of something you ate today.

Day 3 - Your idea of the perfect first date.

Day 4 - Your favorite photograph of your best friend.

Day 5 - A photo of yourself two years ago.

Day 6 - A photo of an animal you'd love to keep as a pet.

Day 7 - Your dream wedding.

Day 8 - A song to match your mood.

Day 9 - A photo of the item you last purchased.

Day 10 - A photo of your favorite place to eat.

Day 11 - What's in your makeup bag.

Day 12 - A photograph of the town you live in

Day 13 - Your favorite musician and why?

Day 14 - A TV show you're currently addicted to.

Day 15 - Something you don't leave the house without.

Day 16 - Your celebrity crush.

Day 17 - A photo of you and your family.

Day 18 - Something you crave a lot.

Day 19 - Another picture of yourself.

Day 20 - The meaning behind your blog name.

Day 21 - A photo of something that makes you happy.

Day 22 - A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.

Day 23 - 15 facts about you.

Day 24 - A photo of something that means a lot to you.

Day 25 - What's in your purse?

Day 26 - A photo of somewhere you've been to.

Day 27 - A picture of you last year and now and how you changed since then?

Day 28 - Your favorite movie.

Day 29 - Something you could never get tired of doing.

Day 30 - A photograph of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days.
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Day 1- A photo of myself and how my day went

My day went pretty well today.  I just relaxed and watched movies.  I also worked out!!!  I got this MS work out DVD so I tried that today.  It was really fun except for it was super easy.  They have three different levels and I did the easiest one because I didn't want to over due it.  I am going to do it again tomorrow and try the one that is the middle level.

Parents

I apologize for not having my guest post for last week. I have been at my mother's house. She had surgery on one of her legs and the recovery has been a bit more difficult than was anticipated. I have been working hard helping her out, and completing some projects for her. I was so tired when it the time came to write the guest post, that I could not even string a proper sentence together.

I have been thinking a lot about being a parent and parenting while I have been here. Being a parent is a never-ending job. With it comes much sorrow and joy. The catalyst for thinking about being a parent and parenting was something my brother said this week, as well as meeting my pregnant daughter-in-law for the first time. It got me thinking about how often - as adults - we do not allow our parents to be parents to us.

My brother - and his wife - has been struggling with his own mental health issues for the last few years. My parents found out about his mental health issues/mental illness around the same time I tried to take my own life. It was a shock for them to find out that both of their children have severe mental health issues. My brother and his wife have been in therapy - separately and together - for a few months longer than I have. For some reason, neither one of them seem to be progressing in getting mentally/emotionally healthy. In fact, it appears that my brother has been on a downward spiral and gotten worse during the time. My brother's ability to earn as much money as he used to has drastically decreased, and he is currently struggling to pay for a license he needs to be able to continue to work in his chosen profession.

Rather than tell anyone what is going on, and letting us know how we can help him, my brother has chosen to be quiet about what is going on with him. Consequently, the only way my parents know how to help him is to offer him money. The other day, my brother made the comment that he wished that my parents "would just be parents" and not try and "fix things with money". My reply was "How can they be parents if you do not give them the opportunity to be" My point in saying that was that since he does not let anyone know what is going on with him mentally/emotionally, the only thing my parents know to do is to help him financially. He is not giving them the opportunity to be the parents he wants - needs - and is expecting them to be.

How often do we do that? We want/need our parents to be there for us, but we with-hold things from them, making it impossible for them to be there in the way we need. We shut out the very people who love and support us unconditionally. No matter how old we get, our parents are our parents, and have a built in need to love and care for us. Our parents also have the benefit of having wisdom that comes with living life longer than we have. They occasionally can give us the exact advice we have been needing to hear.

My daughter-in-law is only 19 - pregnant - and married to my 20 year old son. They are both young, and in many ways still very immature. They are still in that stage of life where they know everything, and parental units know almost nothing. My son especially, wants nothing from me or his father right now, and goes to great lengths to hide things from us. My daughter-in-law seems to have a better grasp on reality and has started coming to me for advice, and some parenting - since her own mother lives far away. She has even asked me to be with her during her labor and delivery, since neither my son - her husband - or mother can be there during that time.

At this time in my life, when I am learning how to parent my daughter again, and getting used to the fact that I will be a grandmother in a few months, I am now having to learn how to parent a total stranger. It makes me think of all those years - when my own mother was not emotionally healthy enough to parent me - that I found women to fill the need I had for a mother. As a result, I have had some wonderful and strong women in my life. They helped me through rough patches, and showed me unconditional love. I believe that helped me learn how to accept my mother for who she is, when she became emotionally healthy enough to be a parent. Now it is my turn to be a strong parent and role model for someone else.

I guess the point in all my ranting is that we - even though we are adults - need parenting as much as our own children do. We need the comfort and love that it gives us. We also need the truth and honesty that parents display toward us. Some of us are blessed by having parents who are emotionally healthy enough to do this. Others are blessed by finding the right people to fill in for their own parents. Open yourself up, and let some parental love come in.

Freaky Friday Follow

<a border="0" href="http://margarettidwell.blogspot.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i845.photobucket.com/albums/ab13/jacquiblogger/FFF-1.jpg" /> </a>

It is time for another addition of Freaky Friday Follow.  As always here are the rules:

• Follow both hosts (we are in spots 1 & 2)-Leave a comment so we can return the follow
• Answer the questions
• Grab the button
• Come back and link up

Here are the questions:
1-How often do you shower?
2-How many meals do you eat a day?
3-How many animals have you had in your life?  Which one was your favorite and why?
4-Do you believe you can have more than one best friends?  If so you do you have more than one?
5-How many times have you moved and why?
6-How big of a family do you want and why?
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1-How often do you shower?
I shower at least once a day but when I had my own apartment I would shower all the time.  I love to take showers!
2-How many meals do you eat a day?
I don't really eat meals.  I tend to snack all day long but I might eat dinner if I feel like it.
3-How many animals have you had in your life?  Which one was your favorite and why?
7 that I can remember and my favorite is the two cats I have know.  They are my kids!
4-Do you believe you can have more than one best friends?  If so you do you have more than one?
I believe you can but some people can't.  I have two one I know is IRL and the other one I know through my blog!  (she is the other host to this meme.)
5-How many times have you moved and why?
To many to count.  My parents moved a lot when I was younger once I moved in with my grandparents then I stayed in the same spot from then on.
6-How big of a family do you want and why?
I don't want kids.  I am  content being single and just raising my furry babies.  I don't have the mothering instinct and I don't want to have kids because I have no idea what the MS will do when I am older!

MS Tuesdays

I know I post about MS on Tuesdays but I have been having a rough time lately and couldn't find the motivation to write about it this week.  I am going to take a break and hopefully write about it next week.  I did want to write about something else though.  This weekend on Facebook I posted the following status: Wants to know. If she were to die tomorrow, what is the last thing that you would want to say to me? (answers below or messaged to me).  The only response that I got was from a lady that I have gotten to know really well since I had my daughter.  I wanted to post what she wrote to me and then write her a letter because I know she reads my blog!
Her Response: 
So please tell me that you are not planning on dying tomorrow! What would I say about you? (After I kicked your butt for dying!) I would say that you are one of the most courageous people I have ever met in my life. Instead of wallowing in self-pity for the hard things in life that have come your way, you have chosen to take the bull by the horns and fight to make a difference. You are truly one of the most unselfish people I have ever met. You have the ability to look at all sides of a situation with wisdom and an open mind. You are a force to be reckoned with! You are a loving person who wants to make a difference in this world, especially for the injustice that is done by bullying and educating people about adoption and MS. You have been a blessing to your Grandma Tidwell and you have given her the opportunity to be the beautiful daughter that she could never give birth to. I know that...moms talk to each other about their kids, you know...and she is grateful for you. You have given another family the precious gift of your own daughter and have never looked back on that decision. You have fulfilled many purposes in this life and have many purposes yet to fill, and positive differences to make in the lives of many. You are a bright light in the eyes of many people....without even meaning to shine. You understand what it means to love unconditionally and judge not. You are beautiful inside and out and have left your footprints on my heart by teaching me things that I never would have learned, had I not rubbed shoulders with you. You love a good Dr. Pepper, the game of football, your cubs, and junk food. You are proud of your Chippewa heritage and love to travel. You have the gift of gab, the love of shopping, and the talent of writing. You honor your country. You drive a cool car! Your shoulders bear heavy burdens, but you hold them high with dignity and grace throughout your journey here. You are the woman I hope to become someday...and I love you. You are you...and that's all you need to be.

Dear Jill,

I want to thank you for what you said.  You will never know how your words have helped me get through the past days.  I tend to pull away from people when I get depressed because I get mean but what you said made me see the good that others see in me.  I had a great time at breakfast and we definitely need to do it more often.  I am writing this here so that people can see it!!!!  This isn't long but I want to thank you and tell you I am glad you are in my life!!!!!


Love
Margaret

Sunday Stealing

1. What do you consider your hometown to be?
A town that is getting bigger as the days go on.  It was small when I was growing up but has gotten super big in the last 10 years or so.
2. What’s the hardest part of your average day?
Getting through work because I get tired so easily that by the end of the day I am ready to pass out but I can't sleep lol
3. The easiest? Why?
Getting ready for work because it doesn't take much to great ready.
4. What beverage do you reach for to quench your thirst?
Water or Dr Pepper
5. What is one not-so-secret goal you have for your life? I’ll let you keep your secret ones to yourself.
To finish school and find happiness
6. What physical pain do you fear most? For example, I’m trying to decide how bad my jaw pain needs to get before I risk a potential needle from my dentist. So, for me, throbbing is preferable to jabbing.
There isn't really one that I fear.  I hate all pain but I deal with it on a daily basis.
7. Where do you find solace?
With my cubs and on the internet!!!
8. What makes you the saddest when you read/see the news?
All the people committing suicide or people getting bullied.  It makes me so sad that people get bullied so much these days.
9. What do you eat for a favorite snack?
Chips or any junk food!
10. What movie could you/would you watch more than two or three times and still enjoy just as much as the first time?
A lot of movies actually.  I will watch most movies several times and not get old of them.  Right now I watch The Last Song and Selena.  My favorite movie is Liar Liar though.
11. What boy/girl first made you cry?
Probably my husband
12. What brand of coffee/tea do you drink most often?
I don't drink any of it.  I enjoy my caffeine cold!
13. Dig in the dirt with or without garden gloves?
Without but I should wear them because I am so allergic to planets that I break out in hives all the time.
14. James Taylor or Carly Simon?
Neither-I have no idea who either of them are!!!!

Freaky Friday Follow

<a border="0" href="http://margarettidwell.blogspot.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i845.photobucket.com/albums/ab13/jacquiblogger/FFF-1.jpg" /> </a>

It is time for another addition of Freaky Friday Follow.  As always here are the rules:

• Follow both hosts (we are in spots 1 & 2)-Leave a comment so we can return the follow
• Answer the questions
• Grab the button
• Come back and link up

Now on to the questions for this week:
1-What is your favorite part of fall?
2-Do you drive around and see the fall colors?  Why or why not?
3-What food reminds you most of fall?  What makes it remind you of fall?
4-Do you do anything special in the fall?
5-Do you have anything special that you eat during the fall?
6-Do you like the cold weather?
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1-What is your favorite part of fall?
The cooler temps and the changing colors.
2-Do you drive around and see the fall colors?  Why or why not?
I never have because I don't want to go alone and no one ever wants to go with me to see them.
3-What food reminds you most of fall?  What makes it remind you of fall?
Chili reminds me of fall.  It is because grandma always makes it in the fall with the last of the fresh tomatoes and green peppers.
4-Do you do anything special in the fall?
Go out of the house lol because of the MS I have to hide out all summer and I can finally come out when it cools down.
5-Do you have anything special that you eat during the fall?
Nope we pretty much eat the same things all year around.
6-Do you like the cold weather?
I like it because it means that I can leave the house during the day again.