TYSABRI

WELL I HAVE DECIDED TO TAKE TYSABRI IF WE CAN AFFORD IT AND IF THE DOCTOR THINKS IT IS RIGHT FOR ME. NO NEED FOR ME TO BE SCARED. IF THE PML CONDITION OCCURS THEN SO BE IT BUT I TRIED AND I KNOW I WON'T REGRET IT. IF I DIDN'T TRY I WOULD REGRET NOT GIVING IT A SHOT. SO NO NEED TO REGRET THINGS. I WILL GO FOR IT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. WE WILL ALL JUST PRAY IT WILL BE OK AND NOTHING BUT WILL HAPPEN. I WILL BE POSITIVE AND THINK NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN! THAT IS ALL I CAN DO AND THAT IS ALL I CAN ASK YOU ALL TO DO AS WELL.

I AM. . .

I am... tired and confused

I think... I need to figure out what to do in life

I know... life is hard and not sure if it is worth it

I want... my MS to get better

I have... a pretty car!!!

I miss... my daughter

I fear... that I will never be happy

I feel... tired

I hear... typing and music

I smell... nothing really

I crave... food. . . anything that I can't eat!!!

I cry... over alot of things lately

I search...happiness and answers

I wonder... what it would be like to not be sick

I regret... things that i shouldn't have done

I wish... I could figure out how to be happpy

I love... my cubs

I care... for alot of things and people

I always... try and smile even if I am sad!

I worry... about alot of things lately

I am not... excited for my doctors appt today

I remember... growing up and now i miss that time of no worries

I believe... that at some point i have to happy

I sing... all the time if i know thesong

I don't always... do the right things

I argue... with Josh all the time

I write...on my blogs almost daily

I win... at somethings

I lose... alot of the time

I listen...to music all the time. it is the best medicine for a bad day

I don't understand... people

I can usually be found... at work or home

I need... to get better

I forget... everything

I am happy... not very often

FINALLY FRIDAY!

I AM SO GLAD IT IS FRIDAY!!!!!! I COULDN'T WORK ANYMORE THIS WEEK. THIS WEEK HAS BEEN LONG AND HARD TO SAY THE LEAST. IT HAS JUST SEEMED TO BE ONE OF THOSE WEEKS THAT JUST NEVER ENDS. I HAVE STARTED TO JUST PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE SO THAT PEOPLE THINK I AM HAPPY. THAT IS ALL I CAN DO ANYMORE. MAYBE THAT IS THE WAY TO GO IT GIVES PEOPLE THE ILLISION THAT YOU ARE HAPPY AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS MOST. ONE DAY MAYBE I WILL BE HAPPY AND MAYBE NOT BUT WHY WORRY ABOUT IT ANYMORE. I HAVE OTHER THINGS TO DO SO I CAN'T WORRY ABOUT BEING HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

A NEW DAY

WELL ANOTHER DAY HAS COME AND I AM NOT FEELING ANY BETTER ABOUT TODAY. IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYDAY IS JUST AS BAD AS THE PREVIOUS DAYS HAVE BEEN. I GUESS THOUGH THERE IS REALLY NOTHING THAT I CAN DO ABOUT THAT. WHO KNOWS LIFE MAY NEVER GET ANY BETTER THAN IT IS NOW! THAT IS A SAD THOUGHT BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW IF IT WILL GET BETTER. I MEAN PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY HOW CAN IT GET ANY WORSE BUT IT ALWAYS SEEMS TO GET WORSE. I AM GETTING THE FEELING I AM NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY. OH WELL WHO KNOWS IF IT LOOKS UP GREAT IF NOT OH WELL. I CAN'T CONTROL IT ANYWAYS!

FRIENDS

FAKE FRIENDS/REAL FRIENDS:
FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.

REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.
FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. / Mrs.

REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM
FAKE FRIENDS: Never see you cry

REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you
FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back

REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours
FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you

REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you

FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing

REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door

REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say 'I'M HOME!'

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile

REAL FRIENDS: Are for life

FAKE FRIENDS: Will talk bad to the person who talks bad about you.

REAL FRIENDS: Will knock the person out that talked bad about you
FAKE FRIENDS: Won’t care if you are hurting and will blow you off in a time of need
REAL FRIENDS: Will be hurt if you are hurt and stay with you in a time of need
FAKE FRIENDS: Would ignore this

REAL FRIENDS: Will send this to all their real friends and hope to get it back!
If you were killed today, I'm sorry I wouldn't be able to come to your funeral,
because I'd be in jail for killing the person who did it

I wanted to let you know that I love you to death & think you are amazing!

MY LIFE. . .

WELL I AM READY TO REALLY POST TO THIS BLOG!!!! I HAVE NEEDED A PLACE TO WRITE HOW I REALLY FEEL FOR A LONG TIME AND NOW I HAVE IT! IT IS HARD TO POST WHAT YOU REALLY FEEL WHEN YOU DON'T WANT OFFEND ANYONE OR HURT FEELINGS. SO THIS IS MY PLACE TO POST WHATEVER I WANT TO POST.

MY LIFE HAS BEEN HARD FOR ME TO DEAL WITH. I HAVE TO WONDER AT TIMES IF GOD DOESN'T WANT ME TO BE HAPPY. BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE TURNS TO HEART ACHE. IT IS SURE GETTING OLD NEVER BEING HAPPY OR FEELING LOVED. I AM STARTING TO THINK I AM GOING TO BE ONE OF THOSE WOMEN THAT IS SINGLE FOREVER. THIS MARRIAGE ISN'T WORKING AND I HAVE TO THINK IT IS ME. I MEAN COME ON I THINK I AM THE CRAZIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD. THERE IS NO RIME OR REASON TO WHAT I FEEL AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT. YA I CAN BLAME EVERYTHING ON JOSH BUT IS REALLY HIS FAULT???? OR IS IT ME JUST BEING CRAZY???? OR IS IT BOTH OF US?????

I ALSO HAVE BEEN THINKING THAT IF I DO GET A DIVORCE WHO IS GOING TO WANT TO MARRY OR EVEN DATE SOMEONE WHO IS AS SICK AS I AM! SO IS IT EVEN WORTH IT TO DATE BECAUSE IT COULD LEAD TO MORE HURT, AND I CAN'T DEAL WITH ANYMORE HURT. I AM READY FOR MY LIFE TO STOP HURTING. ANYMORE HURT MIGHT PUSH ME OVER THE EDGE. MY LIFE HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT HURT FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER AND YOU HAVE TO WONDER IF LIFE WILL ALWAYS HURT LIKE THIS. IF IT DOES THEN I DON'T KNOW IF IT WORTH IT ANYMORE! ANY THOUGHTS IF SO LET ME KNOW!!!!

NEW BLOG!

WELL THIS IS MY NEW BLOG ABOUT ME AND MY LIFE. IT WAS TO HARD TO WATCH WHAT I WAS SAYING ON THE OTHER ONE BECAUSE OF JOSH'S FAMILY SO THIS WILL BE MINE. I WILL STILL UPDATE THE OTHER ONE JUST LIKE I HAVE BEEN DOING. SO THOSE OF YOU WHO READ THIS ONE WILL HAVE TWO TO READ NOW!!!