Friends

Dear Melissa

As you all know one of my best friends passed away on Sunday.  I have tried many times to write this post and I have never been able to get words down on the screen.  I have really struggled with this because it was such a shock to me.  I was orginally going to write about what I love about her but I have decided that I am going to write a letter to her so that I can tell her everything that I never got a chance to do while she was alive.

* I am not going to get into what happened and other things that are going on as a result.   I know Melissa would want me to keep living and let go of anger and hate.

Dear Melissa,

I miss you more and more everyday.  I wish that you would have called me and let me know you were so down so that I could have helped you.  I am writing this because I want to tell you and all my readers what I learned from you in the short time I knew you.

  • I learned how to be a better writer.  You wrote posts that made people think and I hope that one day I can become as good as a writer as you were.  Every post you wrote for my blog and even your own blog made me think and contemplate things in my own life.  It takes an amazing writer to make people realize that they need to make changes in their lives just because of something you wrote.
  • I learned not to ever let people treat me bad.  I saw what happened to you and I refused to let people do that to me.  I show the toll it took on her and I don’t ever want people to control me.
  • I also learned that admitting you have a mental illness is nothing you need to hide.  It was great to see that I can blog about things and there are people out there that won’t judge me and will understand.   You are part of the reason I wrote my adoption story and started to post things that make me vulnerable.  I guess I hope one day I have people come to my blog like you had going to yours!
  • I learned to look for join in the little things in life and how to deal with what life throws at me.

I will never forget you and everything you taught me.  I promise that I will live the rest of my life for the both of us!  I know I will see you again and I can’t wait til that day comes.

I love you,

Margaret

Day 6-20 Of My Favorite Things

Here is a list of 20 of my favorite things!

  1. My girls-Elinore & Sylvia
  2. Squirrel
  3. My Mac Book
  4. The internet
  5. My family
  6. My job (It isn’t really my favorite thing but I am thankful I have one right now)
  7. My bed!!!!
  8. My movies that I have watched 100 times
  9. People that are special to me!
  10. My pretty car
  11. My Bloggy BFF’s
  12. Getting a divorce from a loser lol
  13. My daughter even though I placed her for adoption
  14. The good days I have with the MS even though they don’t happen very often
  15. Dog The Bounty Hunter
  16. The Deadliest Catch
  17. Music
  18. Dr Pepper
  19. People that are so willing help others
  20. All of my things!

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I haven’t written an update in awhile on the MS and life in general so I think today is the day.  The MS has gotten super bad lately and I am not sure what is going to happen with it all.  They have started me on  a new drug and I am not sure what I think about it yet.  I mean yes it does work but at the same time it has scary side effects and it is super addicting.  So we will see how long I stay on it.  I am not holding out to much hope for it though.  The first time I took it I spent the half the next day in bed because I was so drugged but on the other hand it is the only thing right now that is taking the pain away.  So like everything else time will tell.
Josh has gotten on my last damn nerve!  He has finally pushed to far and I can’t wait to file the papers and be done with his dumb ass.  He will never get what he has done and he will never understand why I will never talk to him again.  Once everything is done my number will be changed and he can go away for good.  Even if he at some point grows a brain it will be to late.  I know he will get his and that is what makes things so great for me.  Karma is a bitch and I can’t wait til his slaps him in the face!!!!!!!

Finally This Week Is Half Done!

I want to thank everyone for all the kind words and for sticking behind me.  It is nice to know that I am really not alone in all of this.  Now not only do I have Misti, and Jill I also have people who read my blog and are there if I just need to vent or blow off some steam.  I am so thankful that people can see like I do why I can’t trust him again and why it just won’t work.  I feel like I am on a roller coaster with him anymore.  One day he is nice and caring and then other days he is a total ass about everything.  I just feel like I am going crazy.  Right now he is being nice to me and I hope that is stays this way but god only knows when he will be a dick head to me again.  I am trying to hard to stay positive about the whole situation and know that in the end it will be okay but when he is a jerk it just makes me feel so bad about everything.  I hope that he will figure it out soon or I am going to have to stop talking to him because I can’t continue to do this whole up and down thing with him anymore.  That is it for today because my brain is tired and I am emotional exhausted. 

I hope everyone is having a great day!