I can’t believe that is has been a year since Melissa passed away. Today is the day that she official died and to be honest it is still as raw as it was a year ago. I have tried to write this post for weeks and since I can’t seem to write it I am going to leave links to where you can read some of her writing.
Here is a post where people wrote some memories of her and I post it on my blog. Also she was a regular guest poster on my blog and you can see those post here or here. Also here is her obituary if anyone wants to read it or see it.
As you all know one of my best friends passed away on Sunday. I have tried many times to write this post and I have never been able to get words down on the screen. I have really struggled with this because it was such a shock to me. I was orginally going to write about what I love about her but I have decided that I am going to write a letter to her so that I can tell her everything that I never got a chance to do while she was alive.
* I am not going to get into what happened and other things that are going on as a result. I know Melissa would want me to keep living and let go of anger and hate.
I miss you more and more everyday. I wish that you would have called me and let me know you were so down so that I could have helped you. I am writing this because I want to tell you and all my readers what I learned from you in the short time I knew you.
I learned how to be a better writer. You wrote posts that made people think and I hope that one day I can become as good as a writer as you were. Every post you wrote for my blog and even your own blog made me think and contemplate things in my own life. It takes an amazing writer to make people realize that they need to make changes in their lives just because of something you wrote.
I learned not to ever let people treat me bad. I saw what happened to you and I refused to let people do that to me. I show the toll it took on her and I don’t ever want people to control me.
I also learned that admitting you have a mental illness is nothing you need to hide. It was great to see that I can blog about things and there are people out there that won’t judge me and will understand. You are part of the reason I wrote my adoption story and started to post things that make me vulnerable. I guess I hope one day I have people come to my blog like you had going to yours!
I learned to look for join in the little things in life and how to deal with what life throws at me.
I will never forget you and everything you taught me. I promise that I will live the rest of my life for the both of us! I know I will see you again and I can’t wait til that day comes.
Here is another post that Melissa wrote for my blog. This was originally posted on 9/10/2010. It was entitled Love Letters To Yourself. There is much I can say about this post or about her today. I am going to write a post about her and I would love to be able to include any memories that you have of her. I love you Melissa!
Love Letters To Yourself
In a previous guest post I briefly mentioned writing love notes to yourself, something I like to do. I find that writing myself love notes is a wonderful way to keep myself motivated and feeling good about myself. Love notes do not have to be long, just a few short words on a post-it-note are just as valuable as writing a long letter to myself.
There are times though, when only a long letter will do. Not just a long letter, but something like how people used to write letters long ago. Letters containing pressed flowers, smelling of perfume or having lovely pictures. Even writing them with a fancy pen that is only reserved for my special letters. It is all about making myself feel good and taking care of myself. I like to save these letters. Pulling them out when I need to hear special, loving words.
I believe that no one knows better what I need to hear to build me up than myself. These letters do that when, for whatever reason, my family cannot fill that need for me.
You never want the letter writing to yourself to become a chore, something youfeel like you have to do, so don’t do it very often. It is about loving yourself, showing yourself compassion, not one more thing in the long list of things that you must do. Don’t get bogged down in using proper grammar, or punctuation, or making it perfect. It is about love, not about perfection.
Make the time that you take to write these letters to yourself special. If you find that you cannot get time alone during the day to do this, try it after the rest of your family goes to bed. Play some soft music, light a few candles, take some time and clear your mind before you get started. Think about the wonderful things you want to say. If you cannot do all that, you can still make that time special by putting some pressed flowers in your letter, decorating the envelope, even putting inspirational pictures from magazines and photographs in it. You could crush some fragrant herbs and put them in, or include your own drawings (even if they are only stick figures). Write some quotes on little slips of paper and stick those in as well.
Start your letters off with terms of endearment, like “Dear” and then put as much love and compassion into the letter to yourself as you can. Write it to someone you love dearly. As difficult as it might be, do your best to not write it in the first person. An example of this is:
You are a wonderful person. I love how strong and self confident you are. You are a beautiful, inside and out. I value you. I admire the compassion you showed to those hurting people today. (and just keep going)
In your letters to yourself you could write about your good qualities, something you did that you are proud of, and things that bring you love and joy. Write about a walk you took, or a special time you spent with another person. You could write about something loving another person did or said to you. Use your imagination, write only about the things that build you up.
You can write your letter all at one time, or take a whole month to write it, adding bits and pieces here and there. Do it the way that works best for you.
On your hard days, on those days when you are hurting and your self worth has taken a blow, pull out your love letters to remind yourself what a wonderful person you are. Read them all, or read only one, whatever it takes to heal your hurting heart.
If you decide to try writing a love letter to yourself, I would enjoy hearing about it. Only as much as you feel comfortable sharing.
Written by Melissa Mashburn of Sugar Filled Emotions
I am so glad it is Thursday. Work has been nuts this week to say the least. I was super busy today but something happened that made it a super hard day. I am not sure if you guys know Melissa from Sugar Filled Emotions but no one can get a hold of her and we are worried that she may have committed suicide last night. I really don’t have it in me to write a post about my day. I am sorry but I don’t feel right writing tonight. I will be back on and write about my Friday.
If everyone could please say a prayer that she is okay and that someone found her and she is getting help and didn’t kill herself. I look at her like she is my mom and I am super depressed about everything going on. So all I can say is please pray she is okay.