Day 1 #30DayChallenge

#30DayChallenge

If you want to see the list of all the prompts you can click here and go to first post.  Today’s topic is what is my current relationship.  Since it is pretty vague I am going to to write about my marriage.  I am not sure how many people know that I am still married or that I have been married at all.  My husband told me on Christmas day in 2009 ( I believe it was 2009) that he wanted a divorce and he told me through a text message.  The reason we are still married is because I refuse to pay for the divorce because he ran up a credit card that was in our names to almost $11,000 and he expects me to pay it.  I also feel that because he left me on Christmas day that he should pay for the divorce.

 

MS Tuesday-75%

***This is was originally posted on October 12, 2010.  I am going to be re-posting some of my MS posts because I have gotten so many new followers and I want to share them with my new readers.

I found a stat during invisible illness week that really shocked me but in the same sense it made total sense to me. It said that 75% of marriages where one person has a chronic illness end in divorce. I am shocked by this but I also know it is true because I am one of the 75%. When I worked at the nursing home I saw it all to often. Peoples spouses would leave them once they got sick. On the other had I also saw the husbands that stuck around. I was always in awe of the ones that stayed with there spouses.

It makes me sad that people are so shallow that they leave when things are going as they hoped. It hurts me because I was 100% honest with my husband before we got married and once he finally saw that I was sick he left a few months later. I would never leave someone because they are sick.   I know there are a few good men out there who leave but more than not they walk away.

The reason I am not dating is because I don’t want to deal with another person getting scared and walking away.  Since the MS is basically invisible well at least right now it is people can’t understand that I am sick.  Once they do finally see that I am sick they leave because they “can’t” deal with it.  I just irritates me that so many people are scared by something that affects me but I can’t change that about people.  I know this post is all over the place but it was hard for me to organize my thoughts on this post.

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Can’t Argue With Stupid!

I am going to start by saying that this post turned into arant about things that I haven’t written about before.  Now I am sure there will be people who don’tknow the whole situation and will judge me because of what I am going to type.  Just let me tell you that what you are aboutto read is mild compared to what he done to me in the course of our marriageand he is reading this then oh well!!! This is my blog if you don’t like it don’t read it!!
So a few weeks ago my husband sent me a message and asked mehow I was doing because he hadn’t heard from me in months.  I told him to just leave me alone because Iwasn’t happy with him at all.  He thenproceeds to ask why I was mad at him.  Itold him because of the credit card.  Forthose that don’t know the story of the credit card here it is.  While we were married and getting along wegot a credit card for my husband to use instead of taking out cash advancesbecause the credit card had a lower interest rate.  After we split up this last time I finallygot them to turn off the card after the total was to almost $11,000.  So then we are left to pay off that amountbut he couldn’t charge anymore on the card. We needless to say he pays on it from time to time and up until recentlyI have refused to pay on it because I am not the one who ran it up.  Not to mention I have so many doctor billsbecause he took me off of his insurance and didn’t tell me but that is a wholedifferent post.  
Anyway back to the credit card.  I have been getting calls from the creditcard company because he doesn’t pay it like he should.  I have gotten tired of my grandparentsbitching about the credit card company calling all the time so I set uppayments for the next year to shut them up for a year.  After the year is done I will figure out howI am going to pay for the rest of it.   After I tell him I mad about the credit cardthis is the message he sends me “I paid the credit card in October! “  I just sat there with a dumb look on my facebecause of what he said.  I didn’trespond then and I still haven’t responded to him.  Does he really think that you only have topay bills once a year?????  I finallycame to the realization that I can’t argue with someone who is that dumbbecause it is a total waste of my time!
So that is the story of the dumbest thing I have ever hear!

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Day 8-Someone Who Made Your Life Hell, or Treated You Like Shit.

So far this is the easiest topic we have had.  The one person I can think of that fits this is my husband.  I will regret the fact that I married him forever!  It is the worst thing I ever could have done but I had to do it hard way.  If I would have listened to my family I never would have had to go through it.  I have learned a lot from everything though so in the end it will be okay.  Just getting to the okay part is hard right now.  I would post a picture of the idiot but it would just piss me off so it is better that I don’t post one.

Day 4- Something I Need To Forgive Someone For & Writers Work Shop

Today’s topic is easy for me.  I need to forgive my parents for leaving me at my parents when I was 8 years old.  I know I was better off where I was at but there at still days that it hurts and sucks.  I feel like I missed out on a lot of moments that children usually have with their parents.  I think what makes it harder for me to forgive my mom is that fact that she doesn’t even seem to care.  Hell I took the time to find and contact her and now she acts like she could careless.  At least my dad is trying.  I am not totally comfortable with it yet but I am working on it and he understands that and is willing to let things go at my pace.  So I am working on forgiving him but I truly think I am just going to write my mom off and try to forget about her because she doesn’t seem to care at all about me so why should I let it hurt me anymore. 

Now for the writers workshop.  This week I chose # 1 which is : If I could do it over again…  If I could do anything over again I wouldn’t get married.  It has been nothing but a waste of time and huge waste of my money.  I can honestly say that it is the worst mistake I have made thus far in my life.  I would be so much father with my goals if I had just stayed single and not wasted time on him.  He has done nothing but make my life hell the entire 4 years we have been together.  So that would have to be the thing I would do over again.

Here is a twitter party that I am going to take part in on Friday.  It for those of us that aren’t attending BlogHer.  It is being thrown by One Cluttered Brain!  Everyone should come and join us!  It should be a great time and there will even be giveaways!

A Whole New Low

So I am going to be brave and post this on this blog.  I will find out if the ex reads it or not after this post but I have to let the world in on what the idiot did this time.  I was talking to Tim who I met through my husband and I still talk to him from time to time.  He had called me because he had talked to a mutual friend of my husbands and his and had gotten a great story on my husband. 

So I guess my husband was training a student named Brad.  I guess at some point my husband got the number to his students wife and started text messaging her.  We are sure what they talked about but lets just say my “lovely” husband told his students wife not to tell her husband.  Which she turned around and did.  Now if it were me and someone was talking to my husband and told them not to tell me I would kick their ass!!!  His student wouldn’t do it.  I always knew my husband was a total jerk but I didn’t know he would really go this low.  Every time I think about it I am amazed that he really is that big of a douce-bag.  It takes a special person to think that doing that is right!!!!!

Oh at the best part of the whole thing is I guess the same mutual friend was sticking up for me when my husbands student was calling me a bitch.  First off I am proud to say I am a bitch but find is sweet that someone who has never met me knows that I am not one thanks to Tim.  After the friend told the student what my husband did to me he changed his tune!!!!!!  I was shocked that a total stranger would do  that for me but I am okay being the bitch!  Now I need to meet this person and thank them for standing up for me but tell them I am okay being the bitch because I know the truth about what happened in my marriage!

I found it funny and gross that I found all this out.  I am shocked he really is that kind of person but at the same time it doesn’t really surprise me to much.  I hope you all enjoyed the newest development with my idiot husband!!!!!!
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3 Years

I posted this on my private blog but I don’t care anymore if he reads this so I am going post it here as well!

It is hard for me to believe that today will make it three years that I have been married.  Now that being said we have never had a real anniversary because the first year I was sick in bed from a migraine, year two we were separated and this year three we are officially done just not divorced yet.  For some reason this year is really hard for me.  It is probably because I know him and I won’t ever speak after things are done because of how he treats me and how is always trying to get into my business.  I guess I will never understand why he feels the need to still try and tell me what to do and have to know everything that is going on in my life.  I am going to go through his stuff this weekend and get rid of it all in the next few weeks.  I am done playing his games and he doesn’t think I will do it.  So when he does come to get what was in my storage unit it will all be gone.  I just have no desire to see him or to even deal with him anymore.  I hope he can be happy but I doubt that he will ever truly be happy because of how he treats people.  He doesn’t seem to get why people don’t stay around him very long.  Even his “friends” don’t stay around him very long.  One of his “friends” that knows Tim asked Tim what I was really like because “he knows how Josh is”.  It makes me really wonder what Josh has told everyone about me.  It hurts knowing that someone who supposedly “loved” me can say mean things about to people.  All I know is he has some issues and until he gets them figured out no one will be around him for very long! 

That is all for this post but I am sure I will think of more to write later and I will just update it thenMyspace Comments

Sick & Tired Of People . . .

I am super tired of people saying something and then not doing it!  This is happening a lot with a certain person and let me tell you I am so done with it.  If they don’t get it soon they will be cut out of my life for good because saying something and not doing it is the one thing that truly gets on my nerves.  I am the type of person that always does what I say I am going to do.  I just don’t get how people can say things that they have no intention of doing.  This was always a problem in my marriage as well.  He would always say he was going to do something or even call me and he never would.  He never seemed to get why I would get mad at him.  If you are going to waste your breath saying it then you should follow through with it that is for sure.  If you have no intention of doing something then don’t waste your breath saying it!

Ok that is enough of that rant.  I hope everyone had a great Easter.  Mine was lonely because my grandparents decided they were going to go on a cruise right now.  I made my own boiled eggs and my grandma did put a few things in our baskets and hid them from us until today when she called and said where they were.  It was really nice of her to do something like that.  My brother got a pair of North Carolina shorts and grandpa made her give me money back that I had been paying my brother for the laptop that Josh now has.  He made told her to give it to me because he knows how much I am struggling with playing all the bills and that credit card that Josh has run up to over $10,000 but that is a whole other post.

I hope everyone has a great Monday!!!!!
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Finally This Week Is Half Done!

I want to thank everyone for all the kind words and for sticking behind me.  It is nice to know that I am really not alone in all of this.  Now not only do I have Misti, and Jill I also have people who read my blog and are there if I just need to vent or blow off some steam.  I am so thankful that people can see like I do why I can’t trust him again and why it just won’t work.  I feel like I am on a roller coaster with him anymore.  One day he is nice and caring and then other days he is a total ass about everything.  I just feel like I am going crazy.  Right now he is being nice to me and I hope that is stays this way but god only knows when he will be a dick head to me again.  I am trying to hard to stay positive about the whole situation and know that in the end it will be okay but when he is a jerk it just makes me feel so bad about everything.  I hope that he will figure it out soon or I am going to have to stop talking to him because I can’t continue to do this whole up and down thing with him anymore.  That is it for today because my brain is tired and I am emotional exhausted. 

I hope everyone is having a great day!
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A Very Hard To Write Update & Monday’s MeMe With Supah

Well it is about time I let everyone in blogland know what is going on and about my letters to Josh.  I decided that it was time to let Josh go because I was never going to be able to trust him after he left me on Christmas Day in 2008.  We had gotten back together and I was really trying to trust him again and find the love I once had for him but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t find it.  I wish that I could find it because I feel like I am losing one of my really good friends but he says that he can’t be friends with me once the divorce is final.  I am really struggling with everything because the only person that really is supporting me is Misti.  I am tired of my grandparents telling me that they told me not to marry him.  I mean they are right but they don’t have to keep throwing it in my face.  Is it really that hard to be supportive and pay a little bit of attention to me when I need it.  They are both so wrapped up in my brothers life that they don’t care about what is going on with me and that I need someone just to be around me.  For the first time in my life I like being at work because there are people here and Misti is here.  When I am at work I don’t feel like the world has forgotten about me.  I know people haven’t but that is how it feels right now.
So Josh called me today at work because I had text him to find out how we were going to work out the phone bill this month and when he called me back he was a total jerk.  When just last night he was begging me to come back to him?!?!?  He leaves me so confused and even more depressed than I have been.  I don’t know where to go or what to do from here.

Now on to the Monday MeMe that actually kinds of fits with this update.  Supah’s MeMe asked what our favorite quote is and why we like it so much.
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I found this quote a few years back and I realize more than anything now that it so true.  My whole life I have done things because I had to do them and now I realize that all of my trials have made me strong.  I would be the women I am today with out every crapy thing that has ever happened to me.  I think I will finally except that I am strong but also say I am strong because I have no other choice but to be!

Have a great Monday!!!
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