I wrote a few months ago or so about my divorce being final and how it made me feel. I said in that post that I am okay being single which is totally true but I also get lonely. Now just because I get lonely doesn’t in anyway mean that I am not okay with being single. In fact I would rather be lonely than be in a relationship.
I guess I need to explain what I mean when I say I am lonely. I look at everyone in my life and they all have a significant other in their lives and I wonder from time to time if I am missing out. These thoughts usually come at night when I should be sleeping. Even though I get these thoughts from time to time I in no way have the desire or energy to try and find someone to date.
I don’t think it matters how happy you are being single you will still have days where you wish you had someone else in your life. I also am lonely because I don’t have many friends in my life. Now most of that has to do with me and what I have decided I want in my life. I went through the people in my life last year and cut out the people who I knew needed to be out of my life. I didn’t write about it here because I wasn’t ready and I am still not ready to talk about it. I honestly don’t know if I will ever be ready to talk about it and I also won’t put other people’s business out there on my blog.
Anyway this post was more for me to get thoughts out of my head than for anyone else. I also have a post coming up this week about how I feel about dating and how I hard it is to meet people in this day and age.
I posted last week the I am officially divorced. I also found out some interesting news last week that floored me and makes me wonder. I found out that my ex got remarried before we were even divorced. It looks like he may have gotten married before I even signed the papers. I remember thinking when he sent them to me that he was in such a rush to get them done that he was either getting remarried and/or has a baby on the way.
Well looks like I was right on the getting married thing. I have to wonder if his new wife even knows about me and that he was married when he married her?!?! The bitchy part of me wants to start drama over the whole situation but I know that no good will come of that so I am just going to leave it alone for now. Maybe after a few months I will email him and tell him he might want to figure out what to do because his new marriage isn’t legal since he was still married when he got married. Then the other part of me just doesn’t really care to tell him or her anything.
I have a post coming up about how I felt when I found out the news but I had to post this one first so when that one gets posted you will understand what made me feel that way.
This post has been sitting in my drafts for over a week now and everything I open it and read what I have written I delete it all. I have had posts in the past that have been hard for me to write and get written down but I never thought that this post would be one of them. I am not sure how many people know but my husband and I have been separated for years. In fact it has been so long I can’t even remember how many years it has really been.
We have spent more time apart than we ever did while we were married. Anyway’s as of June 27th I was officially divorced. It is crazy to think that I am now starting a new chapter of my life and I am not sure where it will take me but I am interested in finding out. Most people know tell me that I can date and do things like that and well I am pretty sure I am never going to date again. I am truly happy being single for the most part.
That being said while I am happy to finally have it done and over with it is also bittersweet and scary. I am scared because like I said before I am not sure where life will go from here. I am ready for the ride but scared at the same time if that makes senses. It is bittersweet for me because I never saw this as an ending for myself. I never saw my life taking this turn but I am slowly accepting it and moving on with where life will take me next.
I found out some news last week that I am still processing about the whole situation so be on the lookout for that post because it makes me wonder if it was even legal and things like that.
If you want to see the list of all the prompts you can click here and go to first post. Today’s topic is what is my current relationship. Since it is pretty vague I am going to to write about my marriage. I am not sure how many people know that I am still married or that I have been married at all. My husband told me on Christmas day in 2009 ( I believe it was 2009) that he wanted a divorce and he told me through a text message. The reason we are still married is because I refuse to pay for the divorce because he ran up a credit card that was in our names to almost $11,000 and he expects me to pay it. I also feel that because he left me on Christmas day that he should pay for the divorce.
***This is was originally posted on October 12, 2010. I am going to be re-posting some of my MS posts because I have gotten so many new followers and I want to share them with my new readers.
I found a stat during invisible illness week that really shocked me but in the same sense it made total sense to me. It said that 75% of marriages where one person has a chronic illness end in divorce. I am shocked by this but I also know it is true because I am one of the 75%. When I worked at the nursing home I saw it all to often. Peoples spouses would leave them once they got sick. On the other had I also saw the husbands that stuck around. I was always in awe of the ones that stayed with there spouses.
It makes me sad that people are so shallow that they leave when things are going as they hoped. It hurts me because I was 100% honest with my husband before we got married and once he finally saw that I was sick he left a few months later. I would never leave someone because they are sick. I know there are a few good men out there who leave but more than not they walk away.
The reason I am not dating is because I don’t want to deal with another person getting scared and walking away. Since the MS is basically invisible well at least right now it is people can’t understand that I am sick. Once they do finally see that I am sick they leave because they “can’t” deal with it. I just irritates me that so many people are scared by something that affects me but I can’t change that about people. I know this post is all over the place but it was hard for me to organize my thoughts on this post.