This is another prompt for one of the writers workshop and I wanted to write about it because my first pregnancy was with my daughter who I placed for adoption when I was 20. I wanted to write this more for me than anyone else and maybe one day my daughter will read this and she will have some idea of what it was like for me being pregnant with her.
When I found out I was pregnant I was about 6 weeks pregnant and so sick. I had morning sickness so bad that I had to take an anti nausea pill almost every for most of the pregnancy. I wasn’t one of the lucky ones where the morning sickness goes away after the first trimester.
My pregnancy was also harder I believe because I knew through the whole thing what the end was going to be. I never thought I could keep her so I always knew that I would end up leaving the hospital empty handed. I tried my best not to bond with her but anyone who has been pregnant before knows that you bond with your child because you are with them 24/7 for nine months.
Towards the end of my pregnancy my back was out and I just miserable. I did end up going to the chiropractor because I wasn’t able to sit down or stand up without pain. It took a few times but he did make my back better and I saw him through the end of my pregnancy and in fact I still see him from time to time.
My pregnancy wasn’t the best out there but it was terrible either. One of the best things about the whole experience is the fact the my Multiple Sclerosis went into remission while I was pregnant so I didn’t have to worry about anything crazy going on with that but it got bad after I delivered and the hormones all dropped off. I have been thinking about being a surrogate because I truly didn’t mind being pregnant and I would love to help people have their families. I do know that I don’t think I will have anymore of my own children but like I said I would love to help out other people.
How was your first pregnancy?
If you want to be apart of the writers workshop you can click here and find out all about it!
As I have sat here the past few weeks leading up to this week I decided instead of writing a letter to my daughter or just another post on how I am feeling about everything since it has been 8 years. This year I am going to write about the day I signed the papers and left the hospital. I haven’t written this post yet because out of the whole experience this was and still is the hardest part of the situation.
I find this day as the hardest because it was the day that I had to admit that I couldn’t do it and that she was going to better with the family I chose for her than she would be with me. I am pretty sure that unless you know who I am personally you don’t know that I hate to admit that I can’t do something. So for me the hardest part was signing the papers and handing her off to her family.
While I was pregnant I didn’t think I wanted to even see her and I thought there was no way that I could do what they call a “direct placement”. All that means is that I hand her off her to her family and then I leave instead of what some people do where they just leave the baby in the bassinet and walk away.
I am not going to go into much detail about the days that let up to the 9th but I am sure in time I will talk about those as well. I remember like it was yesterday my social working coming into my hospital room on the 9th bright and early and asking me if I was ready to sign the papers. I told her yes and she went out and grabbed two nurses because there had to be two witnesses and I started signing the papers. I remember getting to the final papers where I relinquish my rights and thinking to hurry and sign it because if I didn’t I didn’t know if I would be able to.
After I signed the paper the brought in my daughter and I held her for about an hour before the family came into my room to see her and talk to us. I remember we were all talking and then the mood changed for me. I am not sure why it changed but I realized that my time was coming to an end and I just started crying. My worker then knew it was time for the placement to happen so I handed her off her adoptive dad and just cried. At that point my social worker had them leave the room and I left the hospital about 30 mins or so later.
Even as I type this I am tearing up because my heart is still broken and I know there is no way to fix it. That being said I don’t regret the choices I made because I know without a doubt that she was meant to be in their family and not meant for me. The emotions are still raw when it comes to placement day and it is something I never want to go through again. That is all there is to this post because this post was more for me than anyone else.
This is a question that was on Band Back Together site a few weeks ago and I am just getting around to writing the post about it. The question is what is the most important thing in my life. This was something that was easy for me to answer because I know without a doubt that the most important things to me are my two cats.
I could live without pretty much everything else but I don’t know how I would live without my two girls. It is crazy to me how much my two cats have become like my kids and are “replacement” kids for my daughter I placed for adoption. I am not sure people who haven’t placed a child for adoption would understand that last statement and I am not sure how to explain it to make them understand. I guess the best way to explain it is that when you place your child for adoption you still have the desire to mother something so instead getting pregnant again I got my two girls.
Today’s topic is a moment that I felt most satisfied in my life. As I thought about this topic for the past few days I really can’t think of anything that truly fits. The one thing that kept coming in my mind was when I placed my daughter for adoption. Now this was the hardest thing I have ever done but it was satisfying in the sense that I know I did the right thing for her. It is hard for me to say that because it was by far the hardest thing I have ever done. That day will forever be the worst day of my life but it also proved that I can do anything that I put my mind too.
I also think that part of the reason that comes to mind is because it has been almost 9 years now and I in a totally different place when it comes to how I look at the adoption and the place I am at with all of it. That is really the only thing I can think of. Let me know if you have any questions!
As I am sure most of you know I placed my daughter for adoption when I was 20. I was contacted about hosting a guest post of a writer who has adopted his 2 children through open adoption. I jumped at the chance to have a guest post on my blog as well as get the chance to read the book he has written. I will have the review of the book up sometime next week after I have had the chance to sit down and read it. Here is the guest post and please leave any comments or questions down below!
My wife and I are infertile. We don’t know why. The doctors and nurses can’t seem to give us any real answers about why we’ve been unable to have kids for our 8 years of trying, but here we are. No little ones carrying on our genes.
Infertility is a funny thing (if you’re willing to look at it that way). It seems to come with some invisible sign that only fertile friends can read. The sign, of course, reads- “Here I am without a baby. Please please please tell me how we can solve our infertile woes.” Cornered at church or at the supermarket, as soon as someone hears that we can’t have kids, it’s, “Well, you know what we did? We went on this all carrot and celery diet. And guess what! By Thursdays that week we were pregnant.”
Even more common is the ever popular, “My brother and his wife couldn’t get pregnant so they did such and such.”
Don’t get me wrong. It’s annoying and all, but after a while we infertile people get to a point where we start to enjoy it. I absolutely love it when I get to say, “I’ve never heard that one before.” I fear some people may think I’m being rude by laughing at my own friends. I don’t mean to be rude. I really don’t. I’m just pointing out that some people are really funny and they don’t seem to see it. Here are a few of my favorites-
Woman should stand on her head after intercourse. Now, that one may actually have some scientific reasoning to it. I don’t know. I aint a doctor. Gravity is real, though, so who knows. That one is actually pretty popular to try, or some variation of it.
Rub ice cubes on your (fill in the blank here). I don’t leave that “fill in the blank” empty because I’m censoring myself. I leave it blank because I’ve heard just about every body part, male or female, in that blank spot. Whatever the body part, I always enjoy that one.
Try intercourse in the back seat of a car. Now, I have actually heard that one from real people, but the fact that I also saw that on The Simpsons when Apu was trying to get his wife pregnant should tell you something if you think it’s a good problem solver.
Have an affair. I haven’t heard that from any of my “friends” because they wouldn’t be my friends anymore if they suggested that, but I’ve heard other people say it was told to them. Idiocy.
Eat more (another fill in the blank). Spaghetti, or vegetables, or Mexican food, or B vitamins, or or or…
Again, I’m not trying to pick on people who give their input. I appreciate when my friends take the time to care- just know that I may be laughing at you behind your back if you tell me the reason I’m not able to get my wife pregnant is because I wear boxers instead of briefs- or the other way around.
Adoption is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and Open Adoption, Open Heart is our adoption story. It’s not simply a matter of filling out papers and waiting for a baby. It’s a process of building relationships- the birth parents are still in our lives. Infertility is still part of us, but it doesn’t define us. We are able to laugh at our problems because we are able to embrace our successes. Hooray for adoption, and hooray for those wonderful birth parents who helped make our dreams come true.
Author Bio
Russell Elkins was born on Andrews Air Force Base near Washington, D.C., in the fall of 1977. Along with his five siblings, he and his military family moved around a lot, living in eight different houses by the time he left for college at age 17. Although his family movedaway from Fallon, Nevada, just a few months after he moved out, he still considers that little oasis in the desert to be his childhood hometown. He and his family now live in the Boise, Idaho area.
Russell has always been a family man at heart, looking forward to the day when he could be a husband and a father. It took him a little while, but eventually his eyes locked onto a beautiful blonde, and he has never looked away. Russell and Jammie were married in 2004. Years of struggling with infertility left Russell and Jammie with a decision to make and their lives changed dramatically when they decided to adopt.
Russell and Jammie have adopted two beautiful children, Ira and Hazel, and have embraced their role as parents through open adoption. Both are actively engaged in the adoption community by communicating through social media, taking part in discussion panels, and writing songs about adoption. Russell also writes a weekly post for Adoption.com and contributes regularly to Adoption Voices Magazine.
I want to start out by saying that this post is all over because I really struggled with finding the words to say what I am thinking. I hate that I can’t find the right words to say what I am thinking but this is as good as it is going to get.
There is one choice that I have made in my life that changed the course of my life. I look back now and it amazes me that once choice can change the whole path of your life. The choice that changed my life was when I got pregnant. Had I not gotten pregnant I would be a RN right now and probably working on getting my Masters in nursing but I am no where near there. I also am so glad that I am I did get pregnant because I has turned me into who I am today. I may not be where I thought I would be job wise but I am where I need to be in so many other ways. By getting pregnant and placing my daughter for adoption I know just how strong I am and I know I can do anything that needs to be done no matter how hard it seems at the time. I can’t even imagine how different I would be if I hadn’t been through what I have been through. At the time I thought that my life was over and that it was the worst thing that could have happened. In the end it was just what I needed in life. I am such a better person since I have gone through everything the past 7 years. I can’t even imagine what I would be like if I hadn’t been through everything.
I have learned so much and I also know so much more about myself and what I can deal with. I now know that I can pretty much deal with anything and get through anything that is put in front of me. It is amazing to me how life can be so different from what you thought it would be and yet I know that this is where I am meant to be. I know that I was meant to go through what I have because with out going through everything I never would have learned how the world works.
Before I got pregnant I didn’t know how cruel the world can be and the struggles that others go through. Going through the adoption process opened my eyes to the struggles of others and how things are in rest of the world. I have found that as much as I love nursing I feel that I am meant to work in the adoption world. I guess when it comes down to it that by getting pregnant it made me grow up and has made me into the person I am now.
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