Adoption

Adoption Awareness Month

Adoption Awareness Month

Unless you have adopted, or are planning to do so, you may know little about children who need homes. Given that it is adoption awareness month, it seems only appropriate to give some general information about the world of adoption.

According to the U.S. Department of Human Services, there are 1.8 million adopted children in the United States; these children account for 2 percent of all children in the United States. Of those:

• 75 percent were adopted domestically.

• 37 percent through the foster care system.

• 38 percent through private services.

• 25 percent were adopted internationally.

About 75 percent of children are adopted by non-family members while 25 percent are adopted by relatives; seventeen percent of those adopted by relatives are adopted through the foster care system and 37 are adopted through private mediums.

There are several ways to adopt in the United States. One way is through the foster care system. In 2010, there were 107,000 children in the foster care system waiting to be adopted and 53,000 were adopted. The general process is that a state-licensed agency (either for-profit or non-profit) matches prospective parents to children in need of a home. Though substantially cheaper than all other types of adoption, many choose other means of adoption. This is because many people want newborns of a particular race, and foster care adoption houses children of all ages and races. Unfortunately, these children need a home just as much as all other children up for adoption.

A second way to adopt is through a private agency. Private agencies act as intermediaries between children and prospective parents in the matching process. Many choose this medium because the agency guides parents through the entire adoption process.

A third way to adopt is independently, i.e. privately. It is legal in most states, though Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, and Massachusetts do not allow it; the laws surrounding independent adoption vary from state-to-state. This process involves prospective parents independently seeking out biological parents who have put their child up for adoption; lawyers are used as intermediaries. Many choose this means of adoption because agencies have policies regarding parent-criteria and prospective parent-biological parent contact both during and after the adoption. Independent adoption allows both prospective parents and biological parents to set their own criteria. Prospective parents control the search process and have direct contact with the biological parents; both parties also decide if the child will have contact with the biological parents after the adoption process is finalized.

A fourth way to adopt is internationally. China, Russia, Guatemala, Korea, and Ethiopia are common countries from which children are adopted; however, about 80 other countries around the world adopt out children to parents from different countries. In 2010, over 11,000 children were adopted from other countries. Generally, parents use adoption services similar to domestic adoption services. Many choose to adopt internationally to help children in desperate situations; many times, children are undernourished, under-educated, or have disabilities. Others choose this process because, depending on country, it can be less costly.

Amber Paley is a guest post and article writer bringing to us information and statistics on child adoptions.  Amber also writes about abuse in nursing homes.
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My Adoption Story Part One

I have had quite a few new followers in the last few months and I figured that I would re-post the story of me placing my daughter for adoption.  This post is just the story of all everything went and the following post will be about my feelings and thoughts on everything.

I was 19 and going to school up at Weber State University.  I was a sophomore and going to school for nursing.  I was living in the apartment style dorms and moved a few times because of one thing or another.  If you want to know more about that whole situation let me know and I will write a post about that.

Anyway, I found out that I was pregnant in the ER because I was so sick.  I already knew in my head that I was pregnant but didn’t want to admit it to myself or anyone else for that matter.   I remember when they told me that I was pregnant that I knew that she wasn’t meant for me.  My family was always for adoption, or at least the family that knew.

I moved out of the dorms and back home after the fall semester was over because of all the drama that had gone on that semester.  After I moved home I started working 2 jobs and taking one class online to keep me busy.  I decided that I was going to place through LDS Family Services because I am LDS and I wanted my child raised in a home like I was raised in.  They also had a support group for girls that were pregnant and unmarried that attend almost every week after I moved home.

In January I started looking through profiles of couples that were looking to adopt.  The first time I looked I picked out two couples and brought them home to see what my family thought.  This is where the story gets weird to say the least.  Come to find out my grandma had talk to my social worker and asked her to pull a certain profile so that I could look at them.  One of the profiles that I brought home was the family that she picked out.  I didn’t know that until she told me after I delivered and everything was done.  She knew that if she told me that I wouldn’t have picked them because that is how my brain works.  If someone tells me to do something I won’t do it even if I know it is right.

In the mean time they did a blood test at the doctors office and they told me that the baby could possible have either downs syndrome or what they call Trisomy 18.  Because of that blood test I had to go up to the University of Utah and have a longer ultra sound to rule out both of those.  After we got done with that the chances of it went done some and I decided that anymore testing could just wait until she was born.

After I picked them I made up a really cute basket of stuff for them and sent it to announce to them that I had picked them.  Well come to find out they had a gotten a baby in March and the agency didn’t know if they could place my daughter with them as well.  I told my social worker that I still really felt that is where she was supposed to go and that  she needed to try everything that she could to make it work.  After a few weeks of going back and forth and asking the other birth mom if it was okay with her they finally decided that she could be placed with them.

This was such a relief for me.  After we got that decision we started the process of meeting with them and getting to know them.  While this was all going on I was getting huge and super tired of being pregnant.  I was due on the 7th of July and my doctor scheduled me to be induced on the 7th if I didn’t go into labor on my own before then.

Well the morning I was supposed to be induced my water broke and lets just say I knew she would come on her own time and she waited until the last possible second to do it on her own.  I was in labor for about 12 hours or so.  When it was time to have her I had the adoptive mom in the room so that she could see her being born.  They ended up having to use the vacuum thing to get her out because she was stuck on my tail bone and I was too tired to keep pushing.

Two days after I had her I signed the papers and said my goodbyes to the baby that I named Gracelynn but they later changed to Brita.  There isn’t a day that goes by that she doesn’t pop into my head and I just wonder is she happy??  Did I do the right thing????  Will she hate me one day because of the choice I made to place her for adoption????  I hope one day I will get to meet her and get to know her but I also know that it is totally up to her and I will have to live with her decision.

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Writers Workshop- 22 Things I Have Done

Mama’s Losin’ ItThis week I chose to write about 1.) Last week we wrote about what we have never done…this week write a list of 22 things you HAVE done. (inspired by Sellabit Mom).

  1. Placed a child for adoption
  2. Got married
  3. Walked out of a job instead of turning in my two weeks notice
  4. Been to jail
  5. Lived in the dorms while I was in college
  6. Started my own business
  7. Been diagnosed with a chronic illness
  8. Graduated for high school
  9. Dropped out of college
  10. Bought a brand new car
  11. Tried to reunite with my mom but she has made it clear she wants nothing to do with me or my brother
  12. Decided that I am not dealing with crap from my family
  13. Cut out family members that like to cause drama
  14. Learned to design blogs
  15. Gone to Yellowstone more times than I can count
  16. I worked at a nursing home and ended up loving every minute of it
  17. I got two cats to replace the little girl I placed for adoption
  18. I didn’t drink alcohol until I was 22
  19. I have never learned to drive a manual transmission
  20. Said no
  21. Peed my pants
  22. Wrecked my car because I wasn’t paying attention

It has taken me most of the day to come up with 22 things because I was trying not to post things that most people already know about me.

What things have you done?

I Wish Mine Was Happy

Some of you may know that my best friend is pregnant with her first baby.  I am so excited for her and happy that she is finally getting the family she has wanted for so long so please don’t take this post the wrong way.  When I see how happy she is I wish I could have felt that happiness when I was pregnant.  From the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew that she wasn’t meant for me and that I was going to place her for adoption.  I never got to be excited that I was pregnant.  I see women that are so excited and I wish that my pregnancy could have been like that.  I was so sad the whole time because I knew what the end out come as going to be.  It is hard to explain what it is like being pregnant and knowing that after you give birth that you are going to walk away and place your child with another family.  I also wonder if it would be harder to place a child for adoption if you didn’t know from the start that is what you were going to do.  I don’t regret placing her for adoption but I wish things were different while I was pregnant.

I have been thinking about volunteering to help out other birth moms that have placed their children or are going to be placing them.   While I was pregnant I attended a support group that was held at the agency I went through.  I went through a agency that is run by a church and I think there need to be more groups for birth moms to go.  I know that some people wouldn’t be comfortable attending the group I did because of the ties to the church.  I just see such a need for birth moms to have a place to go and take to others who know how they feel.

People see how I am now and get frustrated because they aren’t were I am.  What they don’t understand is my daughter is now 6 years old and I have had people to talk to about it all.  Now that being said people don’t know that I can’t look at her baby pictures because they make me cry.  I have her pictures when she is older framed and on my walls but I can’t bring out her baby pictures because they make me sad.  I am sorry this post is all over but I have been thinking a lot about adoption lately and I hope I can find a way to help other birth moms.

Writers Workshop-My Passions

Mama’s Losin’ It

 These are the prompts for this week:
1.) Six Word Memoir: Write about a significant time in your life in just six words.
2.) “One need not be a chamber to be haunted, One need not be a house. The brain has corridors surpassing material place”. –Emily Dickinson What haunts you?
3.) Describe a talent or flaw that seems to be in your genes.
4.) What are you passionate about?
5.) Comfort food at it’s finest. Share a family favorite recipe you loved as a child.

I am having a hard time picking one to write about.  I am going to write about #4-Something I am passionate about.  I am passionate about a few things but the main one is probably trying to teach others about MS.  I just want to bring awareness to the disease in hopes that people are getting diagnosed they aren’t alone.  I know when I was diagnosed I was scared to death and what made it worse was there was no one around my age that had the disease.  I am finally getting to the point where people my age are getting it. i just want people know be able to get the support that I found lacking when it come to MS and even other invisible illnesses. 

I am also really passionate about raising awareness about adoption but more importantly I want to get help for the birth mothers that are left out in the cold.  I wish people could see the great things these women and be their for them but usually birth mom’s end up getting judged because of what we choice to do with our children.  For those that may not know I am a birth mom.  I placed my daughter for adoption almost 6 years ago now.  Since then I have found that there aren’t places for birth parents to go and get support when they are having hard days.  I have started a blog and Facebook page for birth moms.  I am also considering starting a support group in the Salt Lake City area for birth moms but I am not sure how to go about starting that.

Anyways those are 2 of the things that I am passionate about.  There a few more but those two are on very top of the list.

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