My First Pregnancy

My First

This is another prompt for one of the writers workshop and I wanted to write about it because my first pregnancy was with my daughter who I placed for adoption when I was 20.  I wanted to write this more for me than anyone else and maybe one day my daughter will read this and she will have some idea of what it was like for me being pregnant with her.

When I found out I was pregnant I was about 6 weeks pregnant and so sick.  I had morning sickness so bad that I had to take an anti nausea pill almost every for most of the pregnancy.  I wasn’t one of the lucky ones where the morning sickness goes away after the first trimester.

My pregnancy was also harder I believe because I knew through the whole thing what the end was going to be.  I never thought I could keep her so I always knew that I would end up leaving the hospital empty handed.  I tried my best not to bond with her but anyone who has been pregnant before knows that you bond with your child because you are with them 24/7 for nine months.

Towards the end of my pregnancy my back was out and I just miserable.  I did end up going to the chiropractor because I wasn’t able to sit down or stand up without pain.  It took a few times but he did make my back better and I saw him through the end of my pregnancy and in fact I still see him from time to time.

My pregnancy wasn’t the best out there but it was terrible either.  One of the best things about the whole experience is the fact the my Multiple Sclerosis went into remission while I was pregnant so I didn’t have to worry about anything crazy going on with that but it got bad after I delivered and the hormones all dropped off.  I have been thinking about being a surrogate because I truly didn’t mind being pregnant and I would love to help people have their families.  I do know that I don’t think I will have anymore of my own children but like I said I would love to help out other people.

How was your first pregnancy?

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Writers Workshop

This weeks for the Writers Workshop I decided to combine the first to prompts because I can fit both of them.  Here are the first 2 prompts: 1.) A list of things you no longer have in common with your single/childless friends…and why you love them anyways, 2.) A list of things you no longer have in common with your married/child bearing friends…and why you love them anyways.  I fit into both of them because yes I have had a child so I understand what it feels like to have a child and the love you feel for that child but I also placed her for adoption so I don’t know what the sleepless night feel like or what parenting is like.  I know what not having kids feels like as well so I feel like I don’t fit in either group anymore.  I fit the best when I find other girls that have placed a baby for adoption and know the feelings that go along with it.  I still love all of my friends but I am starting to wish that I had more friends that had placed their children for adoption.  I just am finding that a have a few things in common with both groups but I also have enough different from them that I don’t really fit in with either group.  I hate being in the group I am in but I know I am here because I made the best choice I could make for her. This weeks post is short but I feel as if I covered everything I need to!

Day 3-Something I Have To Forgive Myself For

There are a lot of things that I need to forgive myself for.  I am super hard on myself and get mad when I mess up and/or let someone else down.  I have the hardest time saying no to people because I feel like that is letting them down. I really just need to realize that I am human people that really care about me will still be around even if I tell them no I can’t do something because I am too sick or whatever the reason maybe.  I also need to forgive myself because I am not perfect and I do mess up.  Like for example when I got pregnant.  Everyone makes mistakes and I know that but I still beat myself up because of everyone I let down and how it totally changed where I was going in life.  I still haven’t forgiven myself for that. Now don’t get me wrong I don’t regret that she is here and with her family but I regret letting everyone down because of it all.

That is all I can think of to write!  I hope everyone is having a great day!