Sick & Tired

Sick of multiple sclerosis

I know I have written posts about this in the past but right now it is something that is bothering me again.  I am so sick and tired of Multiple Sclerosis right now because I am tired of feeling like crap.  Everytime I go to the doctors they are switching up medications to try and make me feel better but nothing ever works.  I am just tired of everything that has to do with Multiple Sclerosis and just not feeling well.

I know my situation could always be worse which is why I don’t talk much about how I am feeling but I have reached a point where I need to write about how I feel so that I  can at least get it out and off of my chest.  I also know that in the world of MS I have been relatively lucky as far as the disease progression goes but like I said before I am just sick of the disease.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I know there really isn’t anything people can do about this at this point but I still wanted to write this because I don’t know that I have ever read a blog where someone with MS was totally honest about how much the disease sucks.  I know this will pass and I will get back to the point where the things just roll off of my back but right now I just want to bitch about it.  I also want to let others know that it is okay to be pissed off about what the disease does to us.

I am also tired of people thinking I am lazy because after I get off work the only thing I want to do is go home and go to bed.  I wish there was someway for me to explain to others how tired I get going to work everyday.  I wish I could find something to give me more energy but as it stands everything I have tried just makes things worse.  I know if I could sleep I wouldn’t be as tired but like usual my health insurance company sucks and they won’t fill the one medication that does help me sleep and I can’t  afford the medication without it being covered.

Anyway I am just bitchy and sick and this is what happens when I feel like this for months on end.  How are things going for you guys right now????

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So Frustrated!

So Frustrated

I got the idea for this post from a past writers workshop and I knew when I saw it that I had to write about it.  The prompt is: Something that frustrates you.  I knew I had to write about it because I find myself getting frustrated easily lately and I figured this might help me get the things off my chest and maybe even get over some of them.  Anyway here goes the list of things that are currently frustrating me.

  • Idiot drivers who refuse to use their blinkers before they change lanes.  I also am so tired of people cutting me off and then getting pissed off at me when I honk at them.  I guess I should just be okay with getting cut off and almost getting in a wreck.  I will try and remember that next time.
  • I answer the phones at work and I am so frustrated with people I work with not answering their calls and also never returning their voicemails.  I am so tired of getting bitched at by the customers who get pissed off because they are never getting calls back.  I understand the customers being pissed off but it isn’t my problem and I can’t make anyone answer their calls and/or listen to their voicemails.
  • I am frustrated that I can’t figure out how to make Elinore stopping pooping outside of the litter box.  I wish I knew what caused her  to start doing this let alone how in the hell I am going to make her stop doing this.  If you have any suggestions please let me because we are all at our wits end with her.
  • I am super frustrated with my health and not knowing what is going on.  I hate having Multiple Sclerosis because you never know what is going to happen and what the coming day will bring.  I am so tired of not knowing what is going to happen or not knowing what is really going on because there is no way to really know.

Those are a few of things that I am frustrated about right now.  I know there are more things but those are top 4 things that have me super frustrated right now.

Do you have any advice on how to deal with any of these?  What are you frustrated about right now?

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Frustrated With Multiple Sclerosis

Frustrated With Multiple Sclerosis

I guess it is time that I write about what is going with me and the Multiple Sclerosis because I haven’t really done an update in a while.  If you were to look at my you wouldn’t be able to tell that anything is wrong with me because everything that is going on is on the inside or at least if I don’t tell you anything is wrong then you won’t know anything is wrong.

For the last 2 or 3 months I have been exhausted to say the least.  I wrote a post earlier this week about how I am not sleeping but this exhaustion is so much more than just not sleeping.  It is so hard for me to explain the difference between being tired because of lack of sleep or being exhausted because of the MS.  I don’t think there really is away for me to explain it other than saying I am so tired that if I could stop breathing I would because that takes more energy than I have.

I know that my lack of sleeping isn’t helping the situation any either so that gets to me as well.  I just feel like I am falling apart and we have no reason as to why I am feeling this way.  I had an MRI done at the end of August and when I went to get the results my scanned showed that the disease hadn’t been active in the last six months.  Which should be a great thing but I felt confused and pissed off by it.  I really wish the scan would have shown something so that there was some sort of reason for why I am feeling the way that I am.

After my last appointment  I started on a new medication and I have taken it for a month and haven’t seen any change in how I am feeling so I don’t know if it is working or not.  She did say that I could take it twice a day and I haven’t done that yet because I already take so many pills that I hate taking more but I think I am going to try to take it twice a day for a couple of weeks and see what happens.

It is so hard having something like MS because it sucks when you can’t figure out what is wrong in order to try to fix it.  I have to wonder if I am going to have an MS relapse soon because this is usually how you feel before you have one or it is at least how I have always felt before one.  As of now I am “stable” but I don’t think I truly am.  There has to be something going on and it just isn’t showing up on the MRI.  My next MRI is in February and I see my doctor again at the beginning of March so we will see what happens in the next few months.

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I Quit!!!!

I QuitWhen I saw that this was one of the posts for this weeks Writers Workshop I wanted to write about it even though I am having to post it a day early.  I am going to write about 4 which is tell us about a job you quit…why did you do it.  I am going to talk about when I quit my last job before I got hired on where I am at now.

As most of you know that I wanted to be a nurse and one of the things I had to do in order to become a nurse was become a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA).  Once I got my certification I had to work as a CNA in order to keep the certification.  I had a few other jobs as a CNA before I ended up at the last place I worked at.  Once I got to that place is when I really fell in love with the job and the residents at the home.  Before that I could have walked away from being a CNA because it wasn’t something that I could have seen myself doing long term.

Anyway back to the story, I worked there for about 2 years and loved everyday of it until about the last 6 months.  I hurt my back while I worked there and that was the beginning of the end for me.  After I hurt my back the workmen’s compensation doctor put me light duty and after you are on “light duty” for 6 months or something like that they make you take a leave of absence.   Now let me say that even though I was on “light duty” and “couldn’t” lift anything over 25 pounds I was still expect to do everything including the lifting.  Because of that and the fact that there were never enough people working my back never got better.

So when they put me on a leave of absence without any notice I was in total shock.  I went home and tried to get ahold of my doctor so that he  could change the order and I could go back to work.  The only way he would change the order was if I moved off the floor working in patient care and moved into an office type job.  When I talked to my supervisor about this he said that there was a job for me and once they got the new order that I could come back to work.

Well when they did get the order the job I had been promised wasn’t there and the only job was for me to go back working on the floor.  When I got that call I was pissed off and angry and I had to tell them well then I guess I can’t come back because I can’t work on the floor with my back like it is.

To this day the whole situation really pisses me off because I loved that job and I would still be there if I hadn’t gotten hurt.  I am not even going to talk about how I got hurt because that is another whole post.  To this day my back still hurts everyday so I am totally considering getting my certification again and going to back to at a different facility because I love the job and since I am in pain everyday why not go back!

Anyways that is my story on why I quit my last job as a CNA.

Why did you quit your job and would you do it again?

Mama’s Losin’ It

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