Sick & Tired

Sick of multiple sclerosis

I know I have written posts about this in the past but right now it is something that is bothering me again.  I am so sick and tired of Multiple Sclerosis right now because I am tired of feeling like crap.  Everytime I go to the doctors they are switching up medications to try and make me feel better but nothing ever works.  I am just tired of everything that has to do with Multiple Sclerosis and just not feeling well.

I know my situation could always be worse which is why I don’t talk much about how I am feeling but I have reached a point where I need to write about how I feel so that I  can at least get it out and off of my chest.  I also know that in the world of MS I have been relatively lucky as far as the disease progression goes but like I said before I am just sick of the disease.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I know there really isn’t anything people can do about this at this point but I still wanted to write this because I don’t know that I have ever read a blog where someone with MS was totally honest about how much the disease sucks.  I know this will pass and I will get back to the point where the things just roll off of my back but right now I just want to bitch about it.  I also want to let others know that it is okay to be pissed off about what the disease does to us.

I am also tired of people thinking I am lazy because after I get off work the only thing I want to do is go home and go to bed.  I wish there was someway for me to explain to others how tired I get going to work everyday.  I wish I could find something to give me more energy but as it stands everything I have tried just makes things worse.  I know if I could sleep I wouldn’t be as tired but like usual my health insurance company sucks and they won’t fill the one medication that does help me sleep and I can’t  afford the medication without it being covered.

Anyway I am just bitchy and sick and this is what happens when I feel like this for months on end.  How are things going for you guys right now????

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Frustrated With Multiple Sclerosis

Frustrated With Multiple Sclerosis

I guess it is time that I write about what is going with me and the Multiple Sclerosis because I haven’t really done an update in a while.  If you were to look at my you wouldn’t be able to tell that anything is wrong with me because everything that is going on is on the inside or at least if I don’t tell you anything is wrong then you won’t know anything is wrong.

For the last 2 or 3 months I have been exhausted to say the least.  I wrote a post earlier this week about how I am not sleeping but this exhaustion is so much more than just not sleeping.  It is so hard for me to explain the difference between being tired because of lack of sleep or being exhausted because of the MS.  I don’t think there really is away for me to explain it other than saying I am so tired that if I could stop breathing I would because that takes more energy than I have.

I know that my lack of sleeping isn’t helping the situation any either so that gets to me as well.  I just feel like I am falling apart and we have no reason as to why I am feeling this way.  I had an MRI done at the end of August and when I went to get the results my scanned showed that the disease hadn’t been active in the last six months.  Which should be a great thing but I felt confused and pissed off by it.  I really wish the scan would have shown something so that there was some sort of reason for why I am feeling the way that I am.

After my last appointment  I started on a new medication and I have taken it for a month and haven’t seen any change in how I am feeling so I don’t know if it is working or not.  She did say that I could take it twice a day and I haven’t done that yet because I already take so many pills that I hate taking more but I think I am going to try to take it twice a day for a couple of weeks and see what happens.

It is so hard having something like MS because it sucks when you can’t figure out what is wrong in order to try to fix it.  I have to wonder if I am going to have an MS relapse soon because this is usually how you feel before you have one or it is at least how I have always felt before one.  As of now I am “stable” but I don’t think I truly am.  There has to be something going on and it just isn’t showing up on the MRI.  My next MRI is in February and I see my doctor again at the beginning of March so we will see what happens in the next few months.

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