If you missed yesterday’s post, you would know that on the 29th of January I had to put down Alley Cat. She has been sick for the past couple of years and if you want to know more about that you can click here to go and read that post. I have to know for years that at some point I would have to say goodbye to her, and I knew it would be hard, but I was in no way prepared for how hard it was.
Because of how people acted towards her at the end of her life I refused to let anyone else come with me. It was just her and I and now knowing how it all would turn out I think I made the right choice. They had to give her 3 or 4 shots because she pulled out her first IV, so it didn’t work. Let’s just say that there was nothing humane about the process.
It was supposed to take a few minutes to work, and it took over 30 minutes to finally take effect. I sit here now thinking about it all and I can’t help but smile because her whole life she had to fight to stay alive and she gave them a damn good fight at the end. I wish it would have worked right away, but it wouldn’t have been Alley Cat if she gave in easy. I know she was sick, and it was the right thing to do, but I feel like I failed her because there is no way that it was painless, and it wasn’t short like they claimed it would be. I am now left wondering how much she felt and what her last moments were truly like.
The real reason I wanted to talk about this today is that it brought back so many of the emotions I felt when I placed my daughter for adoption, and I wasn’t prepared for that. I have always said the Alley was my “replacement” baby so instead of getting pregnant shortly after placing my daughter for adoption I went and adopted Alley. I feel like I just placed my daughter a few days ago, and that is one thing I never wanted to feel again. It is hard to be brought back right to place I was at 10+ years ago because at this point I would have thought that there was no way I could feel these emotions as strongly as I did then and yet here we are.
In the end, I hope that I don’t have to feel like this for too long because it truly sucks. I know I will survive this because if I could get through it the first time than I know for sure, I will get through it this time as well. I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other one and keep going. I know that it will pass, and I will have good days and bad days but in time, the good days will start to outnumber the bad days. I will never forget her or my daughter but as time passes you do think of them less and less.
For day 7 it wants me to list some of my favorite childhood toys. It has taken me hours to searching the internet to find this first toy. I remember I got it when I turned 8. I still remember the year I got this because I got the max amount of puppies that you could get. My grandma also in the hospital this year and as far as I can remember I believe that my birthday was on Thanksgiving this year.
It is called Puppy Surprise and let me just say I loved this toy and I even remember opening it and being so excited because I got the max number of puppies that you could get in one. My grandma also in the hospital this year and as far as I can remember I believe that my birthday was on Thanksgiving this year.
I also loved to mess around with my barbies. In fact I still have most of them in the basement along with any dolls that I had growing up. Other than those I don’t remember any toys that I loved playing with. Growing up I did spend a lot of time outside running around and playing in the dirt or in the winter playing in the snow.
I remember waiting a getting a Furby and I loved it until it would start talking in the middle of the night and wake me up. After that I hid it in a drawer because it creeped me out to say the least. In fact we just threw them out because I totally forgot that it was in that drawer and I found it and made sure it got thrown away because they are creepy and I think the new ones are even more creepy but that is a whole different post.
Father’s Day started out like any other Sunday at our house. I was woken up at about 6:50 or so by my grandparents cat which as I look back on it now should have been my first clue that something wasn’t right.
Anyway back to my story. I was looking through the Target ad and saw that they had Dr. Pepper on sale so I decided I was going to run over to Target and then come back and work on designs. As I was getting dressed I heard what sounded like finger nails on the wall under my bed. The first time I heard it I didn’t think anything of it but when I heard it again I knew that there was something alive under my bed and it wasn’t one of my cats.
I finished getting dressed and then went and told my grandma that I thought there was a mouse or even a bird under my bed. She came down to my room and started looking under my bed. I ran to get a flash light and once she turned it on and looked under the bed she saw what was making the noise.
There was a BABY BIRD under my bed and it was very much alive. Needless to say this immediately freaked me out. I went and got my grandpa and we started to chase the bird around my room and into my grandparent’s room for the next hour.
Needless to say when we finally caught it my whole room was torn apart and a total mess. My grandma and I then spent rest of the day cleaning my room and doing laundry since my entire bed had to be moved while we were trying to catch the bird.
Let’s just say I have never had an issue with birds before but now I find them totally creepy and I want nothing to do with them. I also am going to be sleeping with my door closed because I can’t handle any more critters getting brought into my room! Oh and it was my grandparents cat Vinnie that brought the bird in because my cats are terrified of birds.
I hope your Father’s Day was tons better than mine!
I am super tired of people saying something and then not doing it! This is happening a lot with a certain person and let me tell you I am so done with it. If they don’t get it soon they will be cut out of my life for good because saying something and not doing it is the one thing that truly gets on my nerves. I am the type of person that always does what I say I am going to do. I just don’t get how people can say things that they have no intention of doing. This was always a problem in my marriage as well. He would always say he was going to do something or even call me and he never would. He never seemed to get why I would get mad at him. If you are going to waste your breath saying it then you should follow through with it that is for sure. If you have no intention of doing something then don’t waste your breath saying it!
Ok that is enough of that rant. I hope everyone had a great Easter. Mine was lonely because my grandparents decided they were going to go on a cruise right now. I made my own boiled eggs and my grandma did put a few things in our baskets and hid them from us until today when she called and said where they were. It was really nice of her to do something like that. My brother got a pair of North Carolina shorts and grandpa made her give me money back that I had been paying my brother for the laptop that Josh now has. He made told her to give it to me because he knows how much I am struggling with playing all the bills and that credit card that Josh has run up to over $10,000 but that is a whole other post.