Saying Goodbye. . .

Saying Goodbye

If you missed yesterday’s post, you would know that on the 29th of January I had to put down Alley Cat.  She has been sick for the past couple of years and if you want to know more about that you can click here to go and read that post.  I have to know for years that at some point I would have to say goodbye to her, and I knew it would be hard, but I was in no way prepared for how hard it was.

Because of how people acted towards her at the end of her life I refused to let anyone else come with me.  It was just her and I and now knowing how it all would turn out I think I made the right choice.  They had to give her 3 or 4 shots because she pulled out her first IV, so it didn’t work.  Let’s just say that there was nothing humane about the process.

It was supposed to take a few minutes to work, and it took over 30 minutes to finally take effect.  I sit here now thinking about it all and I can’t help but smile because her whole life she had to fight to stay alive and she gave them a damn good fight at the end.  I wish it would have worked right away, but it wouldn’t have been Alley Cat if she gave in easy.  I know she was sick, and it was the right thing to do, but I feel like I failed her because there is no way that it was painless, and it wasn’t short like they claimed it would be.  I am now left wondering how much she felt and what her last moments were truly like.

The real reason I wanted to talk about this today is that it brought back so many of the emotions I felt when I placed my daughter for adoption, and I wasn’t prepared for that.  I have always said the Alley was my “replacement” baby so instead of getting pregnant shortly after placing my daughter for adoption I went and adopted Alley.  I feel like I just placed my daughter a few days ago, and that is one thing I never wanted to feel again.  It is hard to be brought back right to place I was at 10+ years ago because at this point I would have thought that there was no way I could feel these emotions as strongly as I did then and yet here we are.

In the end, I hope that I don’t have to feel like this for too long because it truly sucks.  I know I will survive this because if I could get through it the first time than I know for sure, I will get through it this time as well.  I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other one and keep going.  I know that it will pass, and I will have good days and bad days but in time, the good days will start to outnumber the bad days.  I will never forget her or my daughter but as time passes you do think of them less and less.

Alley Cat-Last Pic

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Currently. . .

currently

This week I chose to write about number 2 which is: “Currently” a simple list of things you’re currently feeling as seen at Sometimes Sweet.

Reading: Right now I am reading a few different books to review.  Here is a list of a few of the ones I am reading: “The Letters” by Suzanne Woods Fisher, “Defending Wellton” by Kelli Kretzchmar, “Scarred Love” by M.S. Brannon.  I also have reviews coming up for some great books I have read the past few weeks.
Listening to: Right now I am listening to Country music mainly but I also am still loving Celtic Thunder and have been for the past few years.
Thinking about: I am thinking about a lot of crazy things that are going on in my life because I am not sure what is going on and what is going to happen in the next few months.  I wish I could write about the big thing but for now I can’t in respect for the others involved in the situation.
Watching: I am not really watching anything right now because I am not a huge TV fan.  I do love watching Lockup on MSNBC on Saturday nights but the past two weeks it hasn’t been on due to different things going on in the this country.  I also have been loving Dead Files on the Travel Channel.
Bummed out on: Watching people in my life struggling because of choices they made but it still hurts to watch them go through things I went through because they thought it wouldn’t happen to them.
Loving: I have been loving having this bunny is our backyard for the past few days.  We did catch him yesterday but I loved looking out into the background and seeing him there and also watching Sylvia stare at the shed in the backyard waiting to see it because she is interested in it and yet scared to death of it at the same time.

Bunny

Sylvia

 

Mama’s Losin’ It

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Fursday’s With Elinore

Well it has been forever since I have gotten to post.  Mom hasn’t allowed me anywhere near her computer so I had to go downstairs and make grandma turn theirs on so I could use theirs.  Anyway lets get down to business that needs to be take care of.
First off mom and I are going to have big problems if she doesn’t  stop coming home stinking like other cats and like dogs.  How dare she betray us and go to see other animals!!!!!  I mean come on doesn’t she get it is a whole loyalty thing!  If she does it again I am going to pack up and leave.  I am her cat and on one else is!  She needs to get this point through her head!  I think she is an idiot sometimes I really do.
Secondly,  I guess I am going to have to get rid of the other cats in this house myself.  Mom won’t do anything about it and hell I even get yelled at if I try and beat them up for looking at me!  The other cats refuse to let me be the queen of this house.  I can tell you though that come hell or high water I am going to be queen!
Well I am going to get off here but I will be back next Thursday for sure!