One Year Later

I can’t believe that is has been a year since Melissa passed away.  Today is the day that she official died and to be honest it is still as raw as it was a year ago.  I have tried to write this post for weeks and since I can’t seem to write it I am going to leave links to where you can read some of her writing.

Here is a post where people wrote some memories of her and I post it on my blog.  Also she was a regular guest poster on my blog and you can see those post here or here.  Also here is her obituary if anyone wants to read it or see it.

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Saturday’s With Melissa

I am not sure if anyone remembers my friend Melissa who passed away last year.  She had a blog that I was an author so before her hosting ran out I made sure that I downloaded all of her posts so that they wouldn’t be lost.  I loved her writing and I know so many people through out the country loved to read what she wrote as well.  I have decided that every once in awhile that I would find one of her posts and post it here because I know I can still learn from what she wrote and I think you guys can learn from it as well.  I am in no way taking credit for the things she wrote.  They are her words and as I have read through some of her posts I can’t help but smile because of who she was.

Enjoy and let me know if you would like to read more of her writing.

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Is there anyone you owe an apology to? Have you been neglectful in saying thank you to someone? Have you let some one know how much you appreciate them? I think it would be safe to say that almost all of us have failed to give an apology, forgotten to say thank you, and not told somebody how much we appreciated them. It happens with our families, coworkers, friends, and people we don’t know but interact with on a daily basis.

It often hurts and/or disappoints us when others fail to express their appreciation for a sacrifice we have made or service we have given. Guess what? We often hurt and/or disappoint others for the same reasons.

Most of us are very good at expressing our disapproval verbally and physically, but for some reason we often fail to share words of encouragement and appreciation. We have plenty of excuses for why we didn’t – there was not enough time, we forgot, we just did know what to say.

I have learned a couple if things about giving an apology, saying thank you, and expressing appreciation:

1. It only takes 30 seconds.

2. As long as you mean what you say, it does not matter how pretty it sounds.

Some examples:

Thank you. I know this was a sacrifice of your time, your emotion, and your finances.

I appreciate you. You have really gone out of your way to support me.

I apologize. Sometimes I get too busy and caught up in my own stuff that I am inconsiderate of others. I’m sorry.

Life is short. We have a very limited amount of time to say the important things. The words we let go unsaid, are often the ones that hurt is the most.

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This post was written by Melissa from Sugar Filled Emotions who passed away last year.   Please ask before you take any part of this post because it is copyrighted to her.

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2012 Margaret Margaret

Saturday Nine & Saturdays With Melissa


Saturday 9: Hard Habit to Break
1. Do you have any habits or rituals at this time of year?
Nope I don’t and that is okay with me.  Since 2008 I hate this time of year so I always just hope it will pass quickly!
2. Polar bears seem to do well in the snow… How about you? Is snow just another thing you deal with when it shows up, or is it shutdown time? …and if you’re posting from a non-snowy locale, do you make trips to actually see snow? It’s okay to admit it…
I hate the snow!!!!!  I am in Utah and I hate driving and even watching it snow.  It always causes idiots to come out of the wood work and cause accidents
3. Tell about a toy you remember from your childhood.
I don’t remember very many things but one thing I remember are my Barbies and Dolls that I used to play with.  I also had a stuffed dog that I loved other than that I don’t really remember much.
4. If you could make one thing in the world absolutely free for everyone, what would it be?
Food!!!!!  There is no reason that people should have to go hungry.
5. Do you live close to your immediate family members? If not, how far away are they?
Ya I live with them because I can’t afford rent because of all my doctor bills.
6. My mom ordered a turkey dinner from a local market. it was o.k., but not very good. how was your turkey (or last holiday meal) this year?
It was good.  I have had 3 that I can think of and they were all good but I do love turkey and chicken.
7. In a one horse open sleigh: Have you ever been on a sleigh ride or a carriage ride? Do you even like horses? Or would you just rather travel by your own two feet?
No I haven’t been on one but I think it would be fun and no I don’t like horses in fact I hate them.
8. What is your favorite Christmas song? …and sung or played by whom? You know, the one you tend to listen for on the radio or hit ‘repeat’ on the player…
I don’t have a favorite Christmas song.  I never have had a favorite either or at least I can’t remember having one.
9. What is your least favorite Christmas song? …and sung or played by whom? You know, the one you tend to skip on the player…
I don’t listen to Christmas music so I don’t have one that I hate.  I only listen to it if someone else is listening to it.
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Also I wanted to let everyone know that right now Melissa has a lot of personal things happening in her life and won’t be posting for awhile.  You should all go over to Suger Filled Emotions and give her some love because she really needs it right now!

Parents

I apologize for not having my guest post for last week. I have been at my mother’s house. She had surgery on one of her legs and the recovery has been a bit more difficult than was anticipated. I have been working hard helping her out, and completing some projects for her. I was so tired when it the time came to write the guest post, that I could not even string a proper sentence together.

I have been thinking a lot about being a parent and parenting while I have been here. Being a parent is a never-ending job. With it comes much sorrow and joy. The catalyst for thinking about being a parent and parenting was something my brother said this week, as well as meeting my pregnant daughter-in-law for the first time. It got me thinking about how often – as adults – we do not allow our parents to be parents to us.

My brother – and his wife – has been struggling with his own mental health issues for the last few years. My parents found out about his mental health issues/mental illness around the same time I tried to take my own life. It was a shock for them to find out that both of their children have severe mental health issues. My brother and his wife have been in therapy – separately and together – for a few months longer than I have. For some reason, neither one of them seem to be progressing in getting mentally/emotionally healthy. In fact, it appears that my brother has been on a downward spiral and gotten worse during the time. My brother’s ability to earn as much money as he used to has drastically decreased, and he is currently struggling to pay for a license he needs to be able to continue to work in his chosen profession.

Rather than tell anyone what is going on, and letting us know how we can help him, my brother has chosen to be quiet about what is going on with him. Consequently, the only way my parents know how to help him is to offer him money. The other day, my brother made the comment that he wished that my parents “would just be parents” and not try and “fix things with money”. My reply was “How can they be parents if you do not give them the opportunity to be” My point in saying that was that since he does not let anyone know what is going on with him mentally/emotionally, the only thing my parents know to do is to help him financially. He is not giving them the opportunity to be the parents he wants – needs – and is expecting them to be.

How often do we do that? We want/need our parents to be there for us, but we with-hold things from them, making it impossible for them to be there in the way we need. We shut out the very people who love and support us unconditionally. No matter how old we get, our parents are our parents, and have a built in need to love and care for us. Our parents also have the benefit of having wisdom that comes with living life longer than we have. They occasionally can give us the exact advice we have been needing to hear.

My daughter-in-law is only 19 – pregnant – and married to my 20 year old son. They are both young, and in many ways still very immature. They are still in that stage of life where they know everything, and parental units know almost nothing. My son especially, wants nothing from me or his father right now, and goes to great lengths to hide things from us. My daughter-in-law seems to have a better grasp on reality and has started coming to me for advice, and some parenting – since her own mother lives far away. She has even asked me to be with her during her labor and delivery, since neither my son – her husband – or mother can be there during that time.

At this time in my life, when I am learning how to parent my daughter again, and getting used to the fact that I will be a grandmother in a few months, I am now having to learn how to parent a total stranger. It makes me think of all those years – when my own mother was not emotionally healthy enough to parent me – that I found women to fill the need I had for a mother. As a result, I have had some wonderful and strong women in my life. They helped me through rough patches, and showed me unconditional love. I believe that helped me learn how to accept my mother for who she is, when she became emotionally healthy enough to be a parent. Now it is my turn to be a strong parent and role model for someone else.

I guess the point in all my ranting is that we – even though we are adults – need parenting as much as our own children do. We need the comfort and love that it gives us. We also need the truth and honesty that parents display toward us. Some of us are blessed by having parents who are emotionally healthy enough to do this. Others are blessed by finding the right people to fill in for their own parents. Open yourself up, and let some parental love come in.