Lots Of Thoughts

Lots Of Thoughts

I was going to write something for the writers workshop but instead of doing that I am just going to write some of the thoughts that I have had over the past little while so that I can get them out of my head.  I am sure they won’t make much sense but I will try to explain a bit about what and why I am thinking them.  Anyway I am just going to make a list of them so you can just skim them if you want to.

  • The main thing that has been on my mind for the past few months is how both of my parents can write off their own children & families.  I have seen that I can do the same thing but I don’t think I could do this to my daughter when she grows up and wants to meet me.  I will never truly understand how they can and how I can just turning feelings off for a person and never look back.  I do think of people again but not enough to make me seek them out.  I just keep on going on and while I kind of understand that with friends I have no idea how a parent can just stop caring about their child.
  • The next thing that has been on my mind is why people still lie because let me be honest like the quote I posted on Monday people can’t remember all lies they tell so they always get caught.   My dad told a few lies about me last year or the year before and since I found that out I have no need to have him in my life.  I am sure he will end up alone and sad because he just can’t seem to tell the truth and he hasn’t figured out that he always get caught when he lies.  There have been more lies told by him than I could ever list so now I just assume everything he says is a lie.
  • I have wondered if two people can be so connected that without having talk to each other for 3 plus years that you still know when they are struggling and when they need you or someone to lean on.

Those are the three things that I have been on my mind for that past few months and I hope now that I have written them down that maybe I can stop thinking about them as much.

What has been on your mind?

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2015 Margaret Margaret

Things That Drive Me Insane-Nurses

Things That Drive Me Insane

This time for things that drive me insane I am going to talk about my latest infusion and how bad one of the nurses there was.  The thing that made me the maddest about the whole situation was the fact that she was a supervisor.  Anyway lets get onto the story.  I am sure you all know that I have Multiple Sclerosis and that I take Tysabri once a month to keep me stable.

So once a month I go to the hospital and get an IV in my arm so I can get the medication.  The best way to describe how the give it is to say they give it like they do Chemo or when you have a blood transfusion.  So usually they get the IV started with just one poke but this time it took 3 times.

Now if the only problem was that I took three times to get the IV started I wouldn’t be so pissed about it but the second time they poked me it hurt like hell and here I will show you a picture of the bruise that formed:

Things That Drive Me Insane-Idiot Nurses

This was taken 5 minutes or so after I got home from getting my infusion done.

This bruise was already forming before she pulled out the needle because she couldn’t find the vein.  I don’t think I have ever had a nurse dig around so much trying to get the vein.  She was digging around for a good 2 to 3 minutes and still couldn’t get it.  She then had to poke me for the 3rd time and thank god she got me then because if she hadn’t I wouldn’t have let her poke me again.

Here is what the bruise looked about 4 or 5 days latter:

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What the hell is up with the straight lines????

Let me just tell you I have never once seen a bruise like this.  The fact that there are straight lines is so weird and everyone that see’s it says the same thing.  I ended up having to go to the hospital and get blood drawn because she messed up and my blood test came back weird so they want to make sure that it everything was okay.   Oh and this bruise still hurts and I bet even when the bruise goes away I will still have pain because I believe she went into the muscle and did some damage.

I pray to god that when I go back for my next infusion that she won’t be there because I hate making scenes but there is no way in hell that she is ever going to get another needle anywhere near me.  I have another Idiot Drivers coming up next week.

Has this ever happened to you???

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2013 Margaret Margaret

NES & Health Update

Another week down and I have actually done really well this week when it comes to eating at night.  Friday and Saturday nights where the only nights that I ate so that is a huge improvement from where it has been.  I am still on the Slim Fast diet and it isn’t going super well.  I haven’t weighed myself so I am not sure where I am at right now but I think I am going to weigh myself first thing in the morning and see where I am at and use that as my starting weight.  I hope that I can start losing the weight but I don’t really hold out much hope of it.  I know I need to start exercising again but with the MS as bad as it had gotten I am not sure how I will do working out.  I am going to try and do the 30 day shred again tomorrow and see how far I get before I feel like I am dying.

I am so tired of the MS and always being sick.  I am 26 and yet I am always at home because I am to tired or weak to do anything.  I am just tired of being tired and in pain all the time.  I know that it is just part of the disease but it is getting old quickly.  In June we are going to Yellowstone and I am not sure how much I am going to be able to do.  I am scared that I am not going to be able to do all the hikes with my family.  I will be so sad if I end up having to sit out some of it.  I love Yellowstone and all the hiking but if the MS stays like it is I am not going to be able to much of anything.  I am holding out hope that things will be okay and I will be able to do what I want to do.  My hands are super numb right now and I think I am getting carpel tunnel which sucks but just another issue I have to over come.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and will have a great week!
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