FAMILY

Letter To Brita

This post was originally posted last year during National Adoption Month.  I have updated it and I feel that this can still help other birth mom’s out there.

I had another post scheduled for today but after reading some blogs by couples are looking to adopt and watching a music video I knew in my heart that I needed to post this.  As I am writing this I am crying but it is something that I hope will help heal me in time.

It is national adoption month and it has hit me hard.  I have found blogs of great couples looking to adopted and I can’t help but get sad when I read them.  I feel so bad for them and yet it brings my own pain of being a birth mom up again.  It is something I haven’t totally dealt with because it hurts and no one likes to hurt.  I can’t believe my daughter is 6.  Right now it seems like just yesterday and I placed her for adoption.

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Dear Brita,

I can’t believe you are already 6 years old.  I remember like it were yesterday being pregnant with you and you pushing your feet so hard in my side that I would push it back and you would push even harder.  I remember the months of being sick while I was pregnant and finding out who where true friends and who weren’t.  I can remember going into labor and not wanting to be because I wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet.  I knew once you were born I was going to have to say goodbye and I didn’t know  how I was going to make it through saying goodbye.  I can remember watching you with your parents and know I was making the right choice but that didn’t make it hurt any less.  I can remember handing you to your dad and them walking out with you in their arms.  I remember the pain but I also know that it was the right option for you.  If I could go through it all again I would because I know without a doubt that You are where you are supposed to be.  I hope you grow up happy.  I would say and loved but I know they love you with all their hearts.  I hope you never doubt the love I have for you.  I will always love you no matter what you do.  I placed you because I knew I couldn’t give you what you deserved in life.  You deserve so much more than I could ever give you!  I know you will do great things in life and that is why I placed you.  In closing know that I love you and miss you everyday!!!!

Love,
Margaret

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Crazy. . .

What a week I have had. It has been crazy and I have hardly had the time to breathe let alone post to my blog even though I have so much to update about. As you can see I never got Freaky Friday Follow up this week either. It will be up next Friday just ran out of time this week to get it all set up. Anyway, My grandpa’s brother died on Sunday night and that has left most of my family depressed. My grandpa also lost his oldest sister just over a month ago. It has been a rough month to say the least. To top off my crazy week I have also started talking to the birth father of my daughters as well. I have always wondered what could have been with him and I but I wasn’t in a place to talk to him again. My daughter turned 6 in July and it has taken me six years to get to a place where I was no longer mad about going through it all alone. It is crazy how things have changed over the years. I am also amazed that it took 6 years for me to realize that how it happened was the best way for it to happen.

I started this post  last week and I am just now getting around to finishing it. All I can say work is crazy right now and so is home life.  As far as talking to my daughters father again I am not sure what will become of that.  I am a firm believe that people are in your past for a reason but I truly wonder what would have been if things had been different.  I hate the not knowing.  I do wonder what can happen but at the same time I am scared to find out.  It doesn’t help matters that he is on the other side of the country either. 

Okay I give up this post  will just have to be ended here because I don’t have the time to finish it!  I hope everyone is having a good week and be on look out for my new design site and some great giveaways coming when I launch the site!  Also I have a great post about my idiot husband to write up as well.
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Sunburn

Today for the Writers Workshop I chose to do #1 which is: It was a bad burn. Tell about the worst sunburn you ever received. How did that happen!?!

The worst sunburn I ever had was when I went to Georgia to visit my mom’s dad and step mom in the summer of 2001 with my little brother.  We drove with my grandparents up to South Carolina to meet a couple of her siblings that we had never met because we were raised by my dad’s parents.  So one day my Aunt took my little brother and me to a Six Flags park where we spent the whole day on the rides and what not.  Me being the idiot I am decided that since I had never burned before that I would be okay and I didn’t need to wear sun screen.  Well I was super wrong on that part.  I have only been burnt like that once and I will never do it again.  It was super painful and I was super sick for the next few days.

I looked last night for a picture of it but I couldn’t find one to scan in so hopefully I will have one in a few days for everyone to see!

Sick & Tired Of People . . .

I am super tired of people saying something and then not doing it!  This is happening a lot with a certain person and let me tell you I am so done with it.  If they don’t get it soon they will be cut out of my life for good because saying something and not doing it is the one thing that truly gets on my nerves.  I am the type of person that always does what I say I am going to do.  I just don’t get how people can say things that they have no intention of doing.  This was always a problem in my marriage as well.  He would always say he was going to do something or even call me and he never would.  He never seemed to get why I would get mad at him.  If you are going to waste your breath saying it then you should follow through with it that is for sure.  If you have no intention of doing something then don’t waste your breath saying it!

Ok that is enough of that rant.  I hope everyone had a great Easter.  Mine was lonely because my grandparents decided they were going to go on a cruise right now.  I made my own boiled eggs and my grandma did put a few things in our baskets and hid them from us until today when she called and said where they were.  It was really nice of her to do something like that.  My brother got a pair of North Carolina shorts and grandpa made her give me money back that I had been paying my brother for the laptop that Josh now has.  He made told her to give it to me because he knows how much I am struggling with playing all the bills and that credit card that Josh has run up to over $10,000 but that is a whole other post.

I hope everyone has a great Monday!!!!!