Letter To Brita

This post was originally posted last year during National Adoption Month.  I have updated it and I feel that this can still help other birth mom’s out there.

I had another post scheduled for today but after reading some blogs by couples are looking to adopt and watching a music video I knew in my heart that I needed to post this.  As I am writing this I am crying but it is something that I hope will help heal me in time.

It is national adoption month and it has hit me hard.  I have found blogs of great couples looking to adopted and I can’t help but get sad when I read them.  I feel so bad for them and yet it brings my own pain of being a birth mom up again.  It is something I haven’t totally dealt with because it hurts and no one likes to hurt.  I can’t believe my daughter is 6.  Right now it seems like just yesterday and I placed her for adoption.


Dear Brita,

I can’t believe you are already 6 years old.  I remember like it were yesterday being pregnant with you and you pushing your feet so hard in my side that I would push it back and you would push even harder.  I remember the months of being sick while I was pregnant and finding out who where true friends and who weren’t.  I can remember going into labor and not wanting to be because I wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet.  I knew once you were born I was going to have to say goodbye and I didn’t know  how I was going to make it through saying goodbye.  I can remember watching you with your parents and know I was making the right choice but that didn’t make it hurt any less.  I can remember handing you to your dad and them walking out with you in their arms.  I remember the pain but I also know that it was the right option for you.  If I could go through it all again I would because I know without a doubt that You are where you are supposed to be.  I hope you grow up happy.  I would say and loved but I know they love you with all their hearts.  I hope you never doubt the love I have for you.  I will always love you no matter what you do.  I placed you because I knew I couldn’t give you what you deserved in life.  You deserve so much more than I could ever give you!  I know you will do great things in life and that is why I placed you.  In closing know that I love you and miss you everyday!!!!


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Thank You

I was driving home in traffic and I got a great idea.  I realized that I need to thank people for things they have done for me.  Some people probably don’t know what they have done.  I am also going to thank people for things that some of you may wonder if I have fallen and bumped my head but all of the people I am going to thank have made me the person I am now.

Dear Josh,
Even though you ruined Christmas for me for the rest of my life I have to thank you because without you doing that I never would have found myself again.  I learned so much about myself and realized the strength I had inside.  I had forgotten how strong I could be.  It is funny to me that it took you leaving me to realize I am so better off without a guy and I really can move on from anything.  This doesn’t mean that I am still not hurt by what you did.  It made me become the real mean again and that is a great feeling!

Dear Melissa,
You have taught me so much about myself and taught me better ways to deal with my own depression.  You have shown me that I just have to keep pushing.  I see what you are going through now and how you are keeping your head up.  You really are someone I look up to and learn so much from.  I want you to know all you have to do is call me or email me if you need me.  I read your story about your suicide attempt and it made me realize that suicide is never the answer.  Because of you I don’t even think about suicide.  Thank you for being so open and showing me and others that you can come back from severe depression.

Dear Jacqui,
I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to thanking you.  I want to thank you for always listening to me when I am complaining.  I want to thank you for designing my blogs.  I want to thank you for now teaching me how design blogs.  You are such a great friend and I am so glad I met you through blogging.  I know we will be great friend for years to come!  Thank you for being you!

Dear Misti
This is another hard letter to write.  We have been through so much and yet we keep coming out stronger than we were before.  Thank you for dealing with me when I am not the nicest or when I am being a straight up bitch.  You are more like family than my own family.  I truly look at your mom like she is my mom.  I know that once my grandma passes away she will be my mom.  I want to thank you and your family for taking me in and treating me like I am family.  Thank you for being you!!!!

Dear Family
Thank you for acting like you don’t care because it has showed me that I can do it myself.  I has proven that I don’t need to have people around me.  It has made me into the person that I am and for that I am thankful.

Dear Followers
Thank you for reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How is that for letters!!!!!  Some of them I am sure you are wondering what I was thinking but I am thankful for them.  I am sure I have left out people but I will get you next time I do this.  I am thinking about doing this every few weeks.  It really was fun and it is also nice to thank people.