STREP
INFUSIONS
WELL I GOT GOOD NEWS YESTERDAY! I FOUND OUT THAT I AM STARTING MY INFUSIONS AGAIN ON THE 27TH OF MARCH! I AM SO HAPPY FOR THAT. I AM ALSO SCARED BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN AND I HOPE THAT I DON’T HAVE AN ALLERGIC REACTION TO THE MEDICATION. ALL I CAN DO IS WAIT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS I KNOW THAT I AM GOING TO GO IN WITH A LOT OF BENDRYL IN MY SYSTEM TO TRY AND STOP THE REACTION IF IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. NOW I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT TO PAY FOR THE COST OF THE INFUSION. I AM SURE I WILL BE ABLE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO PAY FOR IT.
I AM GETTING SO SICK AND I WISH THAT I COULD GO HOME BUT BECAUSE MISTI IS GONE I CAN’T LEAVE. I WOULD FEEL BAD LEAVING MICKEY HERE ALL ALONE. SO I WILL STICK IT OUT AND GO TO INSTA-CARE AFTER WORK. MY GLANDS ARE SO SWOLLEN THAT IT IS GETTING HARD TO SWALLOW. I AM TAKING IBUPROFEN LIKE THEY ARE CANDY. WHICH ISN’T GOOD FOR MY LIVER BUT IT IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN KEEP WORKING. I ALSO HAVE TO GET OVER THIS BY THE 27TH OR I CAN’T HAVE MY INFUSION. SO I AM DOING EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO GET BETTER AND OVER THIS BY THE 27TH. I KNOW I CAN SO I AM TRYING TO TAKE AS MANY VITAMINS AS I CAN SO THAT I CAN GET OVER THIS COLD QUICKLY.
THE GIRLS ARE LOVING THIS WARMER WEATHER. THEY ARE OUTSIDE ALL THE TIME AND DON’T WANT TO COME IN AT NIGHT ANYMORE. I DON’T CARE WHAT THEY DO AS LONG AS I DON’T EVER FIND THEM OUT OF THE YARD. THEY CAN STAY OUT TIL ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT FOR ALL I CARE. THEY ARE GROWN UP NOW. THEY ARE BOTH GOING POTTY OUTSIDE NOW. WHICH IS REALLY GOOD BECAUSE THAT MEANS I DON’T HAVE TO CLEAN THE LITTER BOXES AS MUCH.
RAMDLINGS OF THE DAY
WELL IT IS MONDAY AND I AM SO EXCITE FOR THAT. I AM HOPING THAT THIS WEEK DOESN’T HAVE AS MUCH DRAMA IN IT AS LAST WEEK DID BUT I AM GUESSING THAT IT DOES. MISTI IS GOING TO LAS VEGAS WITH RON AND I KNOW IT IS A BAD CHOICE. I KNOW THAT THINGS WILL GET BAD WITH HER AND RON AND HE COULD HURT HER. BUT LIKE I ALWAYS TELL HER SHE IS AN ADULT AND CAN DO WHAT EVER SHE WANTS TO DO. I WILL BE AROUND TO PICK UP THE PIECES LIKE I ALWAYS DO. I WISH SHE WOULD LEARN THAT SHE DESERVES BETTER BUT SHE HASN’T LEARNED IT YET. ALL I CAN IS PICK UP THE PIECES AND HOPE ONE DAY SHE LEARNS THAT SHE DESERVES BETTER.
LAST NIGHT I LEFT ELINORE OUTSIDE TIL LIKE 4 IN THE MORNING. I FELT SO BAD WHEN I REMEMBER THAT SHE WAS OUTSIDE. SHE WAS STILL MAD AT ME THIS MORNING WHEN I GOT UP. OH WELL IT TENDS TO HAPPEN MORE THAN NOT LATELY. I AM FINDING THAT I AM GETTING MORE PREOCCUPIED NOW. I CAN’T SEEM TO FOCUS ON ANYTHING I FIND THAT I AM GOING IN TEN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS ALL THE TIME. ANYWAY I GUESS SYLVIA WAS OUT UNTIL MIDNIGHT. THEY ARE BOTH GOING OUTSIDE AGAIN WHICH IS OK WITH ME BECAUSE THEY GO POTTY OUTSIDE AND I DON’T HAVE TO CLEAN LITTER BOXES. THAT IS THE ONLY THING I HATE ABOUT HAVING INSIDE CATS. OH WELL I DO IT BECAUSE IT HAS TO GET IT DONE. I WILL DO IT BECAUSE I LOVE MY CATS THEY ARE THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES ME SMILE ANYMORE.
I AM STILL STRUGGLING WITH LIFE RIGHT NOW. I FEEL LIKE I AM ALL ALONE AND NOW THAT MISTI WILL BE GONE I REALLY AM ALL ALONE. OH WELL I GUESS THAT IS LIFE AND I GUESS THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DO. I SHOULD BE USED TO GOING THROUGH LIFE ALONE BUT I GUESS I AM LEANING ON PEOPLE TO MUCH ANYMORE. I NEED TO GET BACK TO ONLY DEPENDING ON MYSELF. I GUESS THAT IS LIFE THOUGH. PEOPLE WILL COME AND GO. I HOPE THAT ONE DAY I WILL BE OK AND THAT THE PAIN I AM FEELING WILL GO AWAY.
I GOT AN EMAIL FROM MY MOTHER YESTERDAY. AFTER I GOT DONE READING I REALIZED THAT I AM NOT GOING TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. SHE DOESN’T GET IT AND THE WHOLE E-MAIL WAS FILLED WITH EXCUSES AND REASON WHY SHE IGNORES ME. I AM SO OVER EXCUSES. SHE NEEDS TO JUST BE HONEST AND SAY SHE DOESN’T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH US. SHE NEVER WILL SAY IT THOUGH SO I WILL SAY IT FOR HER. I AM DONE TRYING WITH HER. NOW AS FOR MY DAD I DON’T KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO DO WITH HIM. I HAVEN’T DECIDED YET WHAT THE RIGHT MOVE FOR ME IS YET. I THINK I NEED TO TAKE TIME AWAY AND FIGURE OUT WHAT I WANT TO DO.
MY LITTLE BROTHER COMES HOME TODAY. I AM NOT EXCITED FOR THAT. HE WILL BE FULL OF DRAMA AND MAKE LIFE A LIVING HELL FOR ME. HE CAN’T EVER SEEM TO BE NICE TO ANYONE. HE ALSO HASN’T BEEN TAKING HIS HAPPY PILLS SO THAT MEANS HE WILL BE EVEN WORSE. OH WELL HE DOES LIVE THERE SO I GUESS I HAVE TO RESPECT THAT AND JUST NOT GIVE HIM A REACTION WHEN HE IS ACTING LIKE A JACKASS.
A LONG HARD WEEKEND
THIS WEEKEND HAS BEEN REALLY REALLY LONG. I WAS HOPING FOR A STRESS FREE WEEKEND BUT IT DIDN’T END UP THAT WAY. IT SEEMED LIKE THE STRESS OF THE WEEK JUST KEPT UP THIS WEEKEND. I AM SO CONFUSED AS WHAT I WANT WITH MY PARENTS AND WHERE I THINK THINGS SHOULD GO. I AM CONFUSED AND SCARED I GUESS. I KNOW I HAVE TO OVER THE HURT AND ANGER THAT I HAVE FOR THEM BUT THAT AT TIMES IS EASIER SAID THAN DONE. I AM NOT SURE THAT HAVING THEM IN MY LIFE IS THE BEST THING FOR ME. I HAVE FOUND THAT LATELY I AM GETTING ANGRY AND UPSET OVER THEM. I GUESS I AM SAD THAT MY MOTHER WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME AND THAT MY DAD IS TRYING BUT I HAVE ISSUES WITH FEAR WHEN IT COMES TO MY DAD. I AM TRYING TO LET THE FEAR THAT I HAVE GO BUT AT TIMES IT CONSUMES ME. I AM NOT SURE WHAT WILL HAPPEN WITH THEM BUT FOR NOW I HAVE STEPPED BACK TO TRY AND FIGURE OUT WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY HEAD.
I AM ALSO FEELING LIKE I DON’T BELONG ANYWHERE IN THIS WORLD. I FEEL VERY UNLOVED AND UNCARED ABOUT. MY MARRIAGE FAILED AND MY PARENTS DON’T WANT ME AND MY GRANDPARENTS NEVER WANTED ME AROUND. I FEEL LIKE NO ONE HAS WANTED ME AROUND. I KNOW THAT PEOPLE LIKE MISTI WANT ME AROUND BUT I REALLY WOULD LOVE MY OWN FAMILY TO WANT ME AROUND. MAYBE THEY NEVER WILL MAYBE I AM MEANT TO FIGURE IT OUT ON MY OWN AND FIND MY OWN FAMILY. I AM GETTING THE FEELING THAT I NEED TO GET OUT OF UTAH AND GO SOMEWHERE WHERE I CAN FIGURE THINGS OUT ON MY OWN. I SO BADLY WISH THAT I COULD JUST START OVER AND THAT PEOPLE WOULDN’T JUDGE ME BECAUSE OF MY PAST AND THE MISTAKES THAT I HAVE MADE. EVERYONE MAKES THEM BUT I HAVE ALWAYS FELT THAT I AM JUDGE DIFFERENTLY THEN OTHERS HAVE BEEN JUDGE.
RJ & JOSH
IT IS THURSDAY! ONE DAY CLOSER TO THE MUCH NEEDED WEEKEND. AFTER SEEING JOSH TODAY FOR A FEW MINUTES I REALLY REALLY NEED A WEEKEND. IT WAS OK WHEN I SAW HIM BUT IT SUCKED WHEN HE LEFT. I GUESS IT WILL STILL HURT WHEN I SEE HIM AT LEAST FOR A LITTLE WHILE OR MAYBE IT WILL ALWAYS SUCK SEEING HIM. I JUST WISH THAT I WAS OFF WORK TODAY SO THAT I COULD JUST BE ME! I ALSO KNOW THAT I HAVE TO WORK SO I WILL JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT AT WORK. I THINK I NEED TO TAKE A DAY OFF OF WORK ASAP. I AM GOING CRAZY BEING HERE. IT AMAZES ME HOW JOSH CAN TOTALLY RUIN MY DAY. I WAS DOING OK TODAY AND NOW I FEEL LIKE I JUST WANNA GO HOME AND HIDE IN BED. I GUESS THIS IS WHAT GOING THROUGH THE DIVORCE IS LIKE. I GUESS I HAVE IT EASIER BECAUSE JOSH IS HARDLY EVER HERE SO I DON’T HAVE TO SEE HIM VERY OFTEN. IN FACT THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME SINCE HE CAME TO GET ALL OF HIS STUFF. SO I LUCK OUT IN THAT DEPARTMENT BUT THEN AGAIN IF I SAW HIM MORE MAYBE IT WOULDN’T BE SO HARD WHEN I SEE HIM AT THIS POINT. I GOT TO SEE RJ THOUGH AND HE WAS SO LITTLE AND SO CUTE. HE REMINDED ME SO MUCH OF REX. IT IS WEIRD TO THINK THAT THERE IS ANOTHER DOG THAT LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE REX. JOSH HAS GAINED ALOT OF WEIGHT. I WAS SHOCKED WHEN I SAW HIM. GUESS HE DOESN’T CARE THAT HE IS GOING TO DIE YOUNG. I GUESS THAT IS HIS CHOICE NOT MINE. HE HAS ALSO STARTED SMOKING AGAIN. OH WAIT HE NEVER DID STOP SMOKING. ANYWAYS THAT IS ALL I HAVE TO SAY FOR NOW!
HALF WAY THROUGH THE WEEK
IT IS FINALLY WEDNESDAY! I AM SO EXCITED THAT THE WEEK IS HALF OVER. IT HAS BEEN A REALLY REALLY LONG WEEK. IT CAN’T COME TO AN END SOON ENOUGH. THIS IS JUST ONE OF THOSE WEEKS THAT SEEMS TO LAST FOREVER. I HATE WEEKS LIKE THIS. I HATE HOW THE DRAG AND HOW NOTHING SEEMS TO GO RIGHT. IT DEFINITELY SEEMS LIKE IT SHOULD BE FRIDAY. I AM FINDING THAT AS WE SLOW DOWN THE DAYS SEEM TO DRAG. OH WELL AT LEAST I HAVE A JOB AND I AM MAKING SOME MONEY. IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE THAT IS FOR SURE. I COULD NOT HAVE A JOB AND NO WAY TO PAY MY BILLS.
I AM SO READY FOR IT TO BE SPRING. I CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE SNOW THIS YEAR. I AM TIRED OF THE COLD AND OF THE WET WEATHER. IT IS TIME FOR IT TO BE SPRING. I DON’T WANT SUMMER TO COME BECAUSE IT GETS TO HOT BUT SPRING IS GREAT. I LOVE SPRING AND FALL. THE OTHER TWO SEASONS CAN JUST BE DONE AWAY WITH. I NEED TO FIND A STATE THAT IS ALWAYS LIKE SPRING AND FALL. IF ANYONE HAS ANY IDEAS LET ME KNOW.
THE GIRLS ARE LOVING THE WARMER WEATHER. THE LAST TIME IT SNOWED SYLVIA WAS OUT THERE TRYING TO EAT ALL OF THE SNOW. IT WAS SO FUNNY I GUESS SHE FIGURED THAT SHE COULD EAT ALL OF IT, AND MAKE IT GO AWAY. ELINORE IS ACTING LIKE PEOPLE ARE HITTING HER ALL OF THE TIME AGAIN. I AM NOT SURE WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HER. I WISH SHE COULD JUST BE A NORMAL CAT BUT I KNOW THAT SHE NEVER WILL BE NORMAL.















