WELL JOSH WANTS TO SEE IF THIS MARRIAGE CAN WORK NOW. HE KEEPS ME SO CONFUSED. I REALLY WOULD LIKE IT TO WORK BUT I DON’T KNOW IF IT CAN. I AM STRUGGLING WITH THE WHOLE CAN I TRUST HIM AGAIN. I THINK I CAN BUT HE CAN’T KNOW WHAT I KNOW. I HAVE TOO KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT AND SEE IF I CAN’T GET THINGS OUT OF HIM WITH OUT LETTING HIM KNOW I KNOW. I KNOW I LOVE HIM BUT I DON’T KNOW IF HE FEELS THE SAME THE WAY. IT WILL TAKE TIME AND ENERGY TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT. I HAVE LOTS OF TIME THAT IS FOR SURE. I AM NOT SURE WHAT WILL HAPPEN BUT I KNOW IN TIME THINGS WILL WORK OUT HOW THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO WORK OUT. EVEN IF EVERYONE DOESN’T AGREE WITH ME. I AM SO USED TO PEOPLE NOT AGREEING WITH ME THAT I ALWAYS DO WHAT I WANT TO DO AND NOT WORRY ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
I AM FEELING OK TODAY. I AM DEFINITELY BETTER THAN I WAS THE FIRST TIME. I AM SO GLAD THAT THE REACTION I HAD WASN’T AS BAD AS IT WAS THE FIRST TIME. I AM HOPING THAT THE DOCTOR WILL ALLOW ME TO KEEP DOING IT. I KNOW IT WORKS AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME I AM NOT TIRED AND WARN OUT. I KNOW THE MEDICATION IS WORKING AND I ALSO KNOW THAT I NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO PAY FOR IT.
THE GIRLS ARE BIGGER MONSTERS THAN THEY EVER HAVE BEEN BEFORE. THEY ARE BOTH GETTING SO ACTIVE AND PLAYING SO MUCH. THEY ARE LOVING THE WARMER WEATHER THAT IS FOR SURE. I HAVE NEVER SEEN THEM SO HAPPY AND PLAYFUL. THEY ARE ALWAYS RUNNING AND JUMPING AND SYLVIA HAS A NEW PLACE TO SLEEP.
JOSH
INFUSION
WELL I HAD MY INFUSION TODAY AND IT WAS BETTER THAN THE LAST TIME. I HAD A LITTLE REACTION BUT I TOOK MORE BENADRYL AND IT WENT AWAY. SO I AM HOPING THAT IT WILL GET BETTER EACH TIME. THIS TIME THE SLOWED DOWN THE RATE SO IT TOOK TWO HOURS INSTEAD OF ONE HOUR FOR THE MEDICATION. IT WORKS SO I AM GLAD THAT I AM DOING IT. I TRIED TO TALK TO THE UNIVERSITY OF UTAH TO GET HELP WITH THE BILLS BUT THE WON’T HELP ME UNTIL I HAVE A LOT OF BILLS THAT ARE OVER DUE . SO I HAVE DECIDED THAT I WILL WAIT TO PAY THEM SO I CAN GET HELP FROM THEM. RIGHT NOW I HAVE A HEADACHE THAT WAS CAUSED BY THE INFUSION. I CAN DEAL WITH A HEADACHE AS LONG AS THE DRUG WORKS, AND SO FAR IT HAS HELPED. MY NEXT ONE IS SCHEDULED FOR THE 24TH OF APRIL. THEY MIGHT HAVE ME TAKE STERIODS BEFORE I GET THE INFUSION SO THAT I DON’T HAVE ANY REACTION.
