Writers Work Shop

A Phone Call I Wish Hadn’t Happened

Mama’s Losin’ It

I haven’t written anything for the writers workshop in awhile and one of the topics this week jumped out at me and just had to write about it.  I picked #3-A Phone Call You Won’t Forget.  Funny enough the one phone call I will never forget was from my mom after she received a letter from me.  After I had my daughter I decided that I wanted to find her and see if she wanted to be in my life.  I took months of me searching and paying websites to try and find her.  I got an address and decided that I would write to it and if it wasn’t her then oh well and if it was then I would see what happened.

I was on my way to work and my started ringing.  I usually don’t answer out of state numbers but since my husband is a truck driver I wasn’t sure if it was him or not.  After I said hello she literally said “Hi, this is your mom”.   I literally just sat there because I didn’t know what to say.  We talked for about 20 mins or so.    She told me that she was so glad that I found her because she was leaving it up to me if I wanted her in my life.  She didn’t want to just show up and upset my life. 

I wonder why has changed from that first conversation and now. 
I wonder what would have happened if I just ignored her phone call and let it go to voicemail. 
I wonder what would have happened if she had  gotten the letter that I wrote to her and just thrown it away. 
I wonder where I would be if I had just left well enough alone and left her in my past which is where I think she wants to be anyway.

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Susan

This week for the Writers Workshop I picked number 1.) Have you ever had a fight with a long time best friend and never made up? Do you think about her from time to time and think about contacting her? What would you say? What if it didn’t work out? What if it did? (inspired by Elizabeth from Mama Sick). I picked this one because I had a great friend all through high school and around the time I got pregnant we got in a fight and to be honest I have no idea what we were fighting about.  I have several ideas but I not 100% sure what we fought about but I do know that ever since then we haven’t spoken until a month or so ago.  She sent me a message on Facebook that said she was sorry she couldn’t be the friend I needed her to be.  I was shocked and taken back by it because I am pretty sure I caused the fight.  I sent her back a message telling her that I don’t really remember what we were fighting about and that I would love to talk to her again.  We exchanged numbers and we talked a couple times for our birthdays.  I have always wondered what she was up to and things like that but I have never had the guts to email her and see how she is doing.  She is really the only person I have ever fought with that I have missed being in my life.  I have the attitude that if you are in my past there is a reason for that and leave people there but with her I have always wondered.  I hope her and I can get close again because I do miss having a friend that is my age!

Writers Workshop

I haven’t participated in the writers workshop for a few weeks and I thought that I would participate this week.  I chose to write on  5.) “Keep your face to the sunshine and you can not see the shadow” – Helen Keller.  In what ways are you able to stay positive about something that sometimes brings you down?  I have a few things that bring me down.  The MS and thinking about my daughter that I placed for adoption.  I have several things that I do to stay positive about both of them.  When I sad about the adoption I think about how happy they are to have gotten her and how happy she is.  I also take time to look at the latest pictures of her and see how she is smiling and happy with her family.

Now the MS is a whole another issue. I try not to think about it a lot because it scares me and brings me down.  When I do happen to think about it I always remember that right now I am stable.  I also try and focus on the fact that no one knows the course the disease will take in me.  I could never get more disabled than I am right now.  For the most part I just try not to think about the problems in my life.  I try and focus on the good!!!!!!

Writers Workshop

These are the prompts for this weeks writers workshop:
1.) Describe a job you absolutely would never want to do.
2.) Show us where you live. Not on a map (security please), but take a picture of the view out your front door, back door, or neighborhood.
3.) What makes you mad, and what are you going to do about it?
4.) In an effort to spread awareness, share your (or someone you know/love) breast cancer story
5.) If you could stop time for 24 hours, what would you accomplish?

It was hard for me to decide which one I was going to do that is why this post is up later.  I finally decided that I am going to write about #3.  For everyone that truly knows me you know that even I don’t know what is going to set me off.  The problem I have is I have a really hard time telling people when they hurt me or make me mad and then it all builds and I erupt.  I am working on this but it is super hard because I have a super hard time letting people into my life because I always seem to get hurt so I guard myself to stop me from getting hurt.  There are a few people in my life like Misti that know this about me and deal with me.  I feel bad for people that don’t really know me and get the wrath of me when I have been pushed too far.  My husband was usually on the receiving end when I was with him.  He would also do things to piss me off so that I would leave him but that is a totally different post.

When I erupt I usually yell and scream and then end up crying alone in my room.  I am finding though that if when I reach that point and just walk away the anger will go away.  I also am starting to write blog posts to who ever I am mad at and that helps even though I hardly ever post them. 

Not Listening

Most of the topics for the writers workshop this week are good.  Here is a list of the topics she has for this week:

1.) In the book I’m reading, Girls of Tender Age,the main character is deeply affected by the murder of a childhood friend. Describe a tragedy you didn’t expect to be as deeply affect by as you are.

2.) Tell us about a day you were sure you wouldn’t get through.

3.) A time when you should have listened to your mother.

4.) Your pets least likable character trait.
 5.) 10 Reasons why you love your job. 


I had a really hard time choosing what one to write about but I finally decided I would write on #3.  There are a lot of times I should have listened to her.  I have the type of personality that if you tell me not to do something I am going to go right ahead and do it just to prove that I can.  For instance when I placed my daughter for adoption my grandma actually found the family and asked my worker to put the file in my stack of families but not to say anything to me.  I went through all the files and happened to bring them home and another family.  I didn’t find out this until after I had her and placed her with them.  My grandma knew that if she told me I wouldn’t pick them out of spite even if it was where she was supposed to be.


Also this happened when I got married.  I knew I should do it but I still went right ahead and did it because I knew they didn’t want me to do it.  I am not sure why I am like this but I always have been even as a child.  They have learned this about me and so they just keep their opinions to themselves anymore.  I guess most of it has to do with the fact that I am so damn stubborn I refuse to do it anyone elses(sp) way but mine.  If I had just listened to her I would have saved myself a whole lot of trouble and money!

Writers Workshop

This weeks for the Writers Workshop I decided to combine the first to prompts because I can fit both of them.  Here are the first 2 prompts: 1.) A list of things you no longer have in common with your single/childless friends…and why you love them anyways, 2.) A list of things you no longer have in common with your married/child bearing friends…and why you love them anyways.  I fit into both of them because yes I have had a child so I understand what it feels like to have a child and the love you feel for that child but I also placed her for adoption so I don’t know what the sleepless night feel like or what parenting is like.  I know what not having kids feels like as well so I feel like I don’t fit in either group anymore.  I fit the best when I find other girls that have placed a baby for adoption and know the feelings that go along with it.  I still love all of my friends but I am starting to wish that I had more friends that had placed their children for adoption.  I just am finding that a have a few things in common with both groups but I also have enough different from them that I don’t really fit in with either group.  I hate being in the group I am in but I know I am here because I made the best choice I could make for her. This weeks post is short but I feel as if I covered everything I need to!