Well another week has past and I don’t know how I feel about the past week. I ate about 3 or 4 times which is better than it has been but it bugs me that I can’t just stop eating at night. On Friday night I had a panic attack because I refused to get up and eat. I just paced in my room freaking out. I was so frustrated because I feeling like only because my body thinks it needs to eat in the middle of the night when I don’t really need to. Last night I didn’t fight it. I just ate because I didn’t want to fight with my brain.
I am hoping to get into the doctors this Friday and see what they can put me on or who they can recommend for me to go talk with. I know I can fight this but there are days when it is just easier to eat then fight with my head! That is all for now! I hope everyone has had a great week! Stay strong!
I am so excited to start a new MeMe. Last week I posted a bunch of thank you notes and people really seemed to like the idea. So that is what I am going to start doing on Thursdays.
All you have to do to play along is write thank you notes to people or things in your life. They can be serious or funny. After you write your notes come back and link up to the post you have written. ————————————————– Dear Melissa, I want to thank you for writing on my blog once a week! Your post always teach me so much. I have grown so much just by reading your post! Love, Margaret
Dear Men at Work, You all suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Margaret
Dear MS, I am so tired of not knowing from day to day what you are going to do. Get it together and figure out if I am going to be sick or not! Margaret
Dear Ellinore, If you don’t stop going crap outside of the litter box you are going to get us thrown out. Which means you will have to go back where I got you from! We both know you won’t like that! Get it together ASAP!!!!!!!! Love, Mom ———————————————————————–
I am going to start writing each week about my struggle with my eating disorder. My reason for doing this is to maybe help someone some where. If you missed the post I wrote about it last week you can check it out here. I am going to post a post like this every Sunday so people can come along with me in the journey to heal from my eating disorder.
Since I have posted the first post on Wednesday I have gone both Friday night and Saturday night with out eating the middle of the night. So I have got two days under my belt but I know I will have bad days.
This post was super hard for me to write. I am letting people in on a part of me and hoping that I can find a way to heal and get past this. If you have any advice please leave it to me in the comments!
Ever since my husband left me on Christmas in 2008 my eating habits have been of. I have started to eat at night and not during the day. I am eating most of my calories for the after about 7 PM. The only reason I eat during the day is because of the pills I take I have to eat or I will get sick. I really don’t get hungry till I get off work. I knew that this isn’t normal but I didn’t know there was an actual eating disorder for it. I was researching things for a dear friend of mine and I came across the disorder called Night Eating Syndrome.I was reading what they said about this disorder and I was shocked at how reading about the disorder that they were describing was 100% me. Here are some of the things that they say describe people who may have this disease.
People that have this disorder eat the majority of their calories for the day after 8 PM.
They say that is effects 1 to 2% of the population. They also said that it can affect both sexes and all ages of people but it mostly affects young women.
People with this disorder and shown to have depression and low self esteem. They also may have anxiety problems. I know that if I don’t eat when I wake up it will cause me to have a panic attack.
They are often embarrassed by what is going on and don’t want let other people in on what is going on. They also feel guilt instead of feeling relieved when they eat at night.
They generally have trouble sleeping.
They found that about 28% of people that were seeking gastric bypass surgery suffer from this disorder.
When they eat late at night they usually eat carbohydrates. They say that the people “binge” eat at night but the eating is typically spread over several hours so it isn’t the same as the typical binges that happen with the other eating disorders.
As I was typing that list it is like they were just writing about me. I have so many of those symptoms that it is scary to me. I now have a name for it but to know what it is almost makes is scary to me. I would rather not know what is going on with me in this case. I am really stuck on how to beat this. I know I can but I am not sure how to beat it. I am hoping that someone out there has some advice for me on this subject and knows how I can beat it. I am truly looking to get past this and get back to being happy and health again.
Joke-This is a positive word for me because when you laugh it always puts you in a great mood. I laugh all the time when I am with my Grandma and with Misti. Laughing is good for the soul! I am not good at telling jokes but I love listening to people like my uncle Greg that are good at telling jokes.
Day 18-Something You Crave Alot I crave a lot of different things but mostly it is french fries. I usually crave things that are high in fat which is bad because then I gain weight and it makes me depressed. I also love Dr. Pepper and I could drink it all day if it didn’t make me fat. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was driving home in traffic and I got a great idea. I realized that I need to thank people for things they have done for me. Some people probably don’t know what they have done. I am also going to thank people for things that some of you may wonder if I have fallen and bumped my head but all of the people I am going to thank have made me the person I am now.
Dear Josh, Even though you ruined Christmas for me for the rest of my life I have to thank you because without you doing that I never would have found myself again. I learned so much about myself and realized the strength I had inside. I had forgotten how strong I could be. It is funny to me that it took you leaving me to realize I am so better off without a guy and I really can move on from anything. This doesn’t mean that I am still not hurt by what you did. It made me become the real mean again and that is a great feeling! Margaret
Dear Melissa, You have taught me so much about myself and taught me better ways to deal with my own depression. You have shown me that I just have to keep pushing. I see what you are going through now and how you are keeping your head up. You really are someone I look up to and learn so much from. I want you to know all you have to do is call me or email me if you need me. I read your story about your suicide attempt and it made me realize that suicide is never the answer. Because of you I don’t even think about suicide. Thank you for being so open and showing me and others that you can come back from severe depression. Margaret
Dear Jacqui, I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to thanking you. I want to thank you for always listening to me when I am complaining. I want to thank you for designing my blogs. I want to thank you for now teaching me how design blogs. You are such a great friend and I am so glad I met you through blogging. I know we will be great friend for years to come! Thank you for being you! Margaret
Dear Misti This is another hard letter to write. We have been through so much and yet we keep coming out stronger than we were before. Thank you for dealing with me when I am not the nicest or when I am being a straight up bitch. You are more like family than my own family. I truly look at your mom like she is my mom. I know that once my grandma passes away she will be my mom. I want to thank you and your family for taking me in and treating me like I am family. Thank you for being you!!!! Margaret
Dear Family Thank you for acting like you don’t care because it has showed me that I can do it myself. I has proven that I don’t need to have people around me. It has made me into the person that I am and for that I am thankful. Margaret
Dear Followers Thank you for reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Margaret
How is that for letters!!!!! Some of them I am sure you are wondering what I was thinking but I am thankful for them. I am sure I have left out people but I will get you next time I do this. I am thinking about doing this every few weeks. It really was fun and it is also nice to thank people. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
