Our Attitude Matters

“Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.” 
Francesca Reigler      

About three weeks ago, I signed up for the SITSGIRLS Tribe Building/Blogging Support event.  We started last week, were assigned to groups with animal names (Hare & Lamby for me), got to connect with a new set of bloggers with somewhat similar niches, and were off and running to complete daily tasks/assignments. It has been a whirlwind of activity ever since and one of the assignments was to pair up with a fellow team member and guest blog for each other today.
As serendipity would have it, Margaret and I connected and agreed to give it a shot. Margaret and I consulted with each other and the result is what you are staring at here …Adapted from another post.

Regardless of what we believe, one thing is certain: our attitude accompanies us on every path we travel and serves as judge and jury to our actions; we must choose wisely.

A Case in Point:
When I was in graduate school, I had the good fortune of studying with a beloved and highly regarded Professor of Clinical Psychology; we’ll call him Prof Zee here. Prof Zee’s classes were always packed with eager students because he had a reputation for being a brilliant, compassionate and attentive teacher. He was skilled at distilling complex theories and equations into clear and understandable language and even students from other departments lined up to register for and take his fundamentals course.

To our dismay, Prof Zee announced at the beginning of one academic year that he planned to retire and move away from New York.  Everyone scrambled to register for his final semester class and those of us who were fortunate enough to attend that final course were forever blessed by the wisdom and skill of a master teacher.

On the first day of class, Prof Zee advised us to “stop worrying about failure or success and focus on being present and engaged.” We were. Throughout the course, he engaged and challenged us with individual and group assignments.  For our final exams, he gave us both a take home and in-class exam. We came to our last class both exhilarated and saddened.  Somehow, we suspected that Prof Zee had something up his sleeve. He gave back the exams and instructed us to spend a few minutes reflecting on our efforts throughout the semester. Then he said, “I want you to write the final cumulative grade you know you deserve on your exam sheet and give it back to me.” We did and quickly handed our papers back.

Once all the grade sheets were returned to Prof Zee, he led us in a riveting discussion on how our beliefs, attitudes, and training shape our choices, decisions, and ultimately, our outcomes. What were other internal/external predictors? He called on several students to ask why they gave themselves a low/high grade. The answers were revelatory and ran the gamut; I earned it, I didn’t deserve it, I shoulda-coulda-woulda, I know my stuff and on and on. There was a heated discussion on the impact expectations and a positive attitude has on our sense of self worth and value.
In the end, we agreed that a healthy self-image, a positive mental attitude gives us more “A+” Days. We have free will to make our own choices and it is up to us to stay stuck in a rut or go with the flow. To make us remember this, Prof Zee gave us the final grade we wrote down … we deserved it!  What are you choosing to do?

Until Next Time…
Ask. Believe. Receive. ©
Elizabeth Obih-Frank
Elizabeth Obih-Frank believes in positive kismet/fate and writes two bi-weekly blogs; Mirth and Motivation  and Positive Kismet  where she shares motivational, goodwill pieces and more. She is a mom to twins, a master trainer/educator, former real estate program director, writer, healer, motivational speaker and social media fan. She loves a good laugh, good food and an occasional jaunt to somewhere around the world.

Fictional Family


1. Is there a word which you initially mispronounced? Were the circumstances in which you made the faux pas embarrassing? By the way, that’s not “foax pass.” (I know you know that. Just jokin’ with ya.)
No I can’t think of a time when I missed used a word because I didn’t know what it meant.  If I don’t know what a word means I don’t ever use it.
2. How do you feel about the use of texting shortcuts and trends? (ex: “I’ve got ur notes. Get them 2 u 2morow.”)
I don’t see a problem with it.  Heck I use them myself all the time when I am busy and don’t have the time to write the words out.
3. Tell me about your high school senior picture. Please feel free to post.
It isn’t my favorite and I don’t even know where it is at to try and post it for everyone to see.  I had my hair up and they made us wear a black drape so that we all matched.
5. Share a high school or college homecoming memory.
I hated high school and only went to homecoming once when I was in 10th grade.
6. Linda at Mocha with Linda wants to know: “Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?”
Either-I think they are both pretty and I enjoy watching them.
7. Lea at Cici’s Corner asks, “What is something you have not done that you desire to do?”
Go back and finish my schooling.  I am not sure what I want to do yet so I haven’t go back.
8. Carol at Wanderings of an Elusive Mind ponders, “If you could come back [in another life] as an animal, which would it be?”
A cat!
9. Joyce from The Other Side of the Pond is curious: “Where were you 10 years ago?” Please feel free to elaborate more than just your physical location.
I was 15 so I was in high school and just getting diagnosed with MS.  That was the year my whole life changed as I knew it.
10. When you are proven to be correct in any contentious discussion, do you gloat?
Sometimes but more than not I just keep it to myself.
11. What is your favorite food which includes the ingredient “caramel?”
I can’t really think of one.  I am not a huge fan of caramel so I don’t eat much food that has it in it.
12. From my 17 year-old daughter to you: “If you could be part of any fictional family, which family would you choose and why?” (She’s so cute. And clever.)
I don’t know that I could chose a family-there aren’t any out there that I would love to be part of.

MS Tuesdays-75%

I was going to post about MS treatments but instead I am going to write about how MS scared my husband away the first time he saw I was sick.  I found a state during invisible illness week and really shocked me but in the same sense it made total sense to me.  It said that 75% of marriages where one person has a chronic illness end in divorce.  I am shocked by this but I also know it is true because I am one of the 75%.  When I worked at the nursing home I saw it all to often.  Peoples spouses would leave them once they got sick.  On the other had I also saw the husbands that stuck around.  I was always in awe of the ones that stayed with there spouses. 

It makes me sad that people are so shallow that they leave when things are going as they hoped.  It hurts me because I was 100% honest with my husband before we got married and once he finally saw that I was sick he left a few months later.  I would never leave someone because they are sick.  Just because we are sick doesn’t mean that we aren’t people who don’t have feelings!

This weeks post is short and sweet because I am angry about people leaving when someone has a chronic illness.  I am not sure if my post makes sense or not but it is what it is!  As always if you want to know anything leave me a comment and I will write about it!

When Your Support System Fails

Editors note: This is Melissa post for this week.  Her post last week was just what I needed to hear and I am so glad I have her in my life!  She has gotten me through rough times even though she doesn’t even know that she has!  As always enjoy!

I believe having an emotional support system is extremely important. No matter who you are, what your state of mind is, or even how emotionally healthy or unhealthly you are. Our emotional support systems often act as an anchor. Keeping us grounded when we are not at our best. Lifting us up when we are down in the dumps and sad. Bringing us the comfort and encouragement we so often seem to need.

Support systems come in all shapes and sizes, they can be found in our real lives and in our internet lives. No matter where we find our support or who we find our support in, the general purpose is the same. Its members are there to help us, provide us with encouragement, and show us tough love when we need it.

The biggest problem with our emotional support systems is that they are filled with people. Real. Live. Human.Beings. Who are imperfect, have their own struggles, misunderstandings, and often built in judgments and excuses. Because of this, they will fail us. Not might fail us, they WILL fail us.

They fail us when they do not notice we are struggling. They fail us when they lack the proper words to encourage us. They fail us when they are going through their own struggles and do not have enough emotional reserve for us. They fail us just because. When the people in our support systems fail us, it hurts. Sometimes it can even be a devastating pain. It is extremely difficult to not become angry. Especially, when some of those people are in our own family.

Before we get angry at anyone in our support system – including family – we need to ask ourselves if we have always been there for them – in the capacity they have needed – when they have needed it. I do not think that any one of us can truthfully say that we have been. We are human too, and are prone to the same faults that the people we rely on are. I am not saying that because we have not always been there when they needed us that it negates the pain they have caused. What I am saying is we should try to examine why someone has not supported us the way we have needed. It is very likely that at the time we needed them, they were involved in their own emotional doings and simply did not realize that we needed them.
So….What do we do now?
Just like most everything else in life, we have choices. When can choose to be angry, or we can choose to get over it. Since I hate the way being angry makes me feel, I try and go for the “get over it” option. There are a list of things I do, to try and move past the hurt that I am feeling.

  1. I try and figure out why a person or people in my support system may have failed me. Maybe they have something going on that interfered with their ability to be there in the way I needed.
  2. I try to understand and realize that there may have been times when I have failed them. Understand that they may have been hurt by it or are even angry about it. As a result they may feel hesitant to get involved in what I have going on.
  3. If I realize someone in my support system is going through their own emotional/mental/physical turmoil at the same time I am, I try and support them rather than have them be there for me. Sometimes taking my concentration off of myself and my own troubles helps me more than waiting for someone to be there for me.
  4. Especially when I feel that a family member has failed to meet my needs, I express it. For example, my husband and I have worked out a code phrase when we need to express something with one another, but at the same time do not want to upset the other person. It simply is “I need to express a frustration.” When one of us says that the other knows to not take personally what is about to be said. We have found it a good way to tell each other when we need more than what the other person has been giving us.
  5. Sometimes no matter what I do to understand, and even support the person I need support from, they are just not in a place to help me. When that occurs, I reach out. I have even been known to reach out to someone I may not have considered a part of my support system. Each and every time I have reached out, there has been someone there encouraging me and building me up. That person becomes part of my emotional support system.
  6. As sad and difficult as it can be, there are times when I have to remove someone from the group of people I have chosen to be a part of my support system. That does not mean I know longer talk to them, or are their friend, it means that I fully realize that for whatever reason they cannot provide me with what I need, and it is time to let that part of my attachment to them go. It does not have to be permanent, in many cases it is only until they get through whatever they are going through.

Just because our emotional support systems will fail us, does not mean we have to be discouraged by it. We can use it as an opportunity to learn how to better be there for the people in our lives. We can use it to create a better support system for ourselves.

You can find me and more of my posts at Sugar Filled Emotions

Writers Workshop

These are the prompts for this weeks writers workshop:
1.) Describe a job you absolutely would never want to do.
2.) Show us where you live. Not on a map (security please), but take a picture of the view out your front door, back door, or neighborhood.
3.) What makes you mad, and what are you going to do about it?
4.) In an effort to spread awareness, share your (or someone you know/love) breast cancer story
5.) If you could stop time for 24 hours, what would you accomplish?

It was hard for me to decide which one I was going to do that is why this post is up later.  I finally decided that I am going to write about #3.  For everyone that truly knows me you know that even I don’t know what is going to set me off.  The problem I have is I have a really hard time telling people when they hurt me or make me mad and then it all builds and I erupt.  I am working on this but it is super hard because I have a super hard time letting people into my life because I always seem to get hurt so I guard myself to stop me from getting hurt.  There are a few people in my life like Misti that know this about me and deal with me.  I feel bad for people that don’t really know me and get the wrath of me when I have been pushed too far.  My husband was usually on the receiving end when I was with him.  He would also do things to piss me off so that I would leave him but that is a totally different post.

When I erupt I usually yell and scream and then end up crying alone in my room.  I am finding though that if when I reach that point and just walk away the anger will go away.  I also am starting to write blog posts to who ever I am mad at and that helps even though I hardly ever post them. 

MS Tuesdays

I had another rough week so I am going to post about some things that are going on with me right now.  I had my last infusion a few weeks ago and it usually makes me feel better but the last few months it hasn’t really been working like it used to.  That isn’t saying it isn’t doing it job it just isn’t make me feel better.  After my last MRI I was told I am still stable and that is a huge thing for me.  Ever since I have been diagnosed I have never been stable.  I am happy for that I just wish that I also felt better than what I do.  It is great to know the disease isn’t getting worse but I am feeling worse than I have ever felt.  I guess this is just my new normal and that is really hard for me to except right now.  I wish I felt like I was stable but one day this will be normal to me as well.  I just want to be a 25 year old that can go out and party on the weekends and not worry about over doing it or not being able to work on Monday because I did to much over the weekend.  God knows why he gave this to me and not someone else.  I just trust that one day I will know why that is.

This is a short post but if you want to know anything about MS please leave a comment and I will for sure right a post about it!