Guest Post Friday

Guest Post by David Litwack

Please enjoy this guest post by David Litwack, author of the gripping contemporary novel, Along the Watchtower, and the deep, dark dystopia, There Comes a Prophet. Then read on to learn how you can win huge prizes as part of this blog tour, including a Kindle Fire, $650 in Amazon gift cards, and 5 autographed copies of each book.

 

The Virtual World of Gaming and the Plight of War Veterans: A Guest Post by David Litwack

 

Gaming and war would seem to be as far apart from each other as you can get. But while you’re in the midst of them, they share one thing in common—a sense of being in an alternate reality.

I’ve always been fascinated by how much of what we consider to be reality is subjective, how each of us bring our own experiences and biases into play. But when we’re ripped from our normal lives and placed in extreme circumstances, our reality becomes totally fragmented. Such is the case with hospitals and war.

A couple of years ago, I became engrossed in the online game, World of Warcraft, thanks to my son. I’m on the east coast and he’s on the west, so we’d meet every Wednesday evening in the virtual world of Azeroth, where our avatars would go on quests together. I was struck by how immersed I became in the mood of the game as we wandered through castles and crypts, solving riddles and vanquishing demons, how for a short period of time, I could totally buy in to the alternate reality.

The fantasy gaming experience has a dream-like quality to it, which led me to wonder: how would this experience affect the dreams of someone whose reality has been fragmented by the trauma of war? These concepts—war, hospitals, and the fantasy world of online gaming—came together in Along the Watchtower.

I began to research the effects of war on returning veterans. I learned that 30% are diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress. That means after six months they’re still dealing with flashbacks, disturbing dreams, depression and difficulty re-assimilating into their former lives. And that doesn’t account for the many others who are seemingly able to adjust but continue to deal with inner turmoil. The war experience changes all forever. Many have suicidal thoughts (the suicide rate among veterans is triple that of the general population. More soldiers have died by their own hand than in the war itself). Many struggle with dark thoughts and have difficulty forming relationships, unable to “turn off” the normal flight or fight syndrome, leaving them suspicious in crowds and always on alert.

And then, there are the physical injuries. One of the ironic successes of these recent wars is the advance in battlefield medicine. The result is that far fewer die of wounds than in prior wars. The ratio of wounded to dead in WWII was 1.1/1, in Vietnam 1.7/1. In Iraq, it’s 7/1. More are saved, but more come home with debilitating, lifelong injuries. And 68% of the wounded have some form or brain trauma, penetrating injuries from shrapnel or non-penetrating concussions from the blasts of IEDs.

To learn more about brain injuries, I read In an Instant, the story of Bob Woodruff. The brilliant Woodruff had just been named co-anchor of ABC’s World News Tonight. Then, while embedded with the military in Iraq, an improvised explosive device went off near the tank he was riding in. Bob suffered a traumatic brain injury that nearly killed him. The book describes his recovery and recounts how fragile the human brain can be. At one point, the erudite Woodruff could rattle off the names of all prior U.S. presidents but couldn’t remember the names of his own children.

And I read about post traumatic stress. One of the best books is Achilles in Vietnam. Written by Jonathan Shay, a Vietnam War era PTSD counselor, it compares his clinical notes from patients to the text from Homer’s Odyssey, showing how we as human beings have dealt with war trauma across the millennia. He shows how war disrupts our moral compass, leaving re-entry into normal life as a brutal and agonizing experience.

Playing a make-believe fantasy game and going to war both have a surreal quality that takes us out of our normal reality. But for war veterans, the sense of normality doesn’t return without a struggle.

The Wounded Warrior Project is a wonderful organization, dedicated to helping veterans adjust. Their stated mission is: “To foster the most successful, well-adjusted generation of wounded service members in our nation’s history.” How successful we’ll be at achieving that goal will tell a lot about who we are. It’s one of the most important stories of our time.

 

As part of this special promotional extravaganza sponsored by Novel Publicity, both Along the Watchtower and There Comes a Prophet by David Litwack are on sale this week. What’s more, by purchasing either or both of these fantastic books at an incredibly low price, you can enter to win many awesome prizes.

The prizes include a Kindle Fire, $650 in Amazon gift cards, and 5 autographed copies of each book.

All the info you need to win one of these amazing prizes is RIGHT HERE. Remember, winning is as easy as clicking a button or leaving a blog comment–easy to enter; easy to win!

To win the prizes:

  1. Pick up Along the Watchtower at its discounted price of $2.99 on Amazon
  2. Get There Comes a Prophet at its discounted price of 99 cents
  3. Enter the Rafflecopter contest below
  4. Visit the featured social media events
  5. Leave a comment on my blog for a chance at a $100 prize.

Along the Watchtower tells of a tragic warrior lost in two worlds; a woman who may be his only way back from Hell. Get it on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or iTunes.

There Comes a Prophet A thousand years ago the Darkness came—a time of violence and social collapse. Nathaniel has grown up in their world of limits, longing for something more. For what are we without dreams? Get it on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or iTunes.

David Litwack, the once and future writer, explores the blurry line between reality and the Visit David on his website, Twitter, Facebook, or GoodReads.

Life

Editors Note:  This is Melissa’s post for the week.  I am working on a new button for this feature and I hope to have it ready for next week!  Enjoy!

 
Life has a way of making us feel down, if we allow it, and we often do. Sometimes a friend or a loved one disappoints us. Our life circumstances are not the way we want them to be and we let it get to us. A stressful day at work or at home can lead us down the path of not having a positive outlook. It is perfectly normal to feel let down, sad, and even depressed when we encounter any of those circumstances. Those kinds of things have a way of throwing us off balance and sometimes we need to take some time to realign our thinking. Unfortunately, many of us have a habit of dwelling on those negative circumstances for far longer than we should, and we can become overwhelmed with negative thoughts and emotions.
For the sake of ourselves and our relationships, we should not allow that to happen. For those of us with a high risk for entering a depressive episode, dwelling on negative thoughts and emotions can be a trigger. Even for people without that risk have been known to enter a depressive episode if they spend too much time concentrating on the negatives in their life. At the very least, spending so much time dwelling on the negative can make us cranky, irritable and difficult to live with.
There are things we can do to turn our negative thoughts around. It requires work and effort, but the pay off is well worth it. If we take the time to turn our negative thoughts around, we are often more productive at resolving an undesirable situation. We are able to obtain more clarity about a situation and with clarity comes the ability to make a plan. If a situation is beyond our ability to change, then the clarity can show us that, and allow us to come to terms with it. It can also show us ways we can change our reactions, giving us more choices on how we manage situations that are beyond our control to change.
One of the first things we should do when realigning our thinking from an overwhelming negative thought process to one of that is more positive and productive, is decide if the situation is something that we can obtain control over or not. Once we make that determination, then we can start the process of either implementing a plan to change the situation or implementing a plan to change our reaction. Just getting that process done can be a huge stress reliever, because either option allows us to take some action. For most people, the ability to take some sort of action, immediately makes them feel more positive, and productive.
If the situation is one that we do have the power to change, we need to start figuring out what change we want to take place, and what steps we need to take to get there. For example, if we feel lonely and out of touch with people, we might want to take steps to be more available. We can do this by participating in volunteer activities in our communities, call friends, family, or acquaintances rather than wait for them to call us. We can make plans to have coffee, dessert, or a meal with someone. We could also use the internet to make new or improve social connections. Just because a friendship only takes place online does not negate the positive impact it can have on a life.
If we feel overwhelmed at work, is it because of poor organization on our part or is it a result of poor organization on someone else’s part? In either case there are things we can do. If we are the ones who are disorganized, then we need to do the necessary things to change that.. If it is someone else creating the dis-organization, maybe we could offer to help them to become more organized. If they let us help them accomplish this, then we are helping ourselves at the same time we are helping them. If work is overwhelming and there is nothing we can do about it, maybe if we found ways to be grateful it might help keep our thinking more positive. We could be grateful that we have a job with the way the economy is now. Or we could be grateful that work is so busy, because it might mean we have a little more job security than if it were slow all of the time.
There are always going to be situations where there is absolutely nothing we can do to change it. If we try and control a situation that is beyond our ability to control, then we are always going to feel upset, disappointed and frustrated by it. That means we have the obligation to change our reaction it. In the case of a friend disappointing us, we might need to decide if it is something we can overlook and live with, or if it is something we should bring up to our friend, or if what happened is a “deal breaker”. All of those situations require us to react in a different way than we might normally.
Sometimes people do stupid, hurtful things without meaning to. When that happens they usually realize it after the fact. Would saying anything to the friend cause them more pain and shame, than they are already feeling? Or would it be better to just let things go, and allow everyone to move on? Many times, letting it go is the best reaction in that type of situation. If the friend is unaware of how their actions hurt us, then we should say something to them. Then it is up to them to make the choice to apologize and alter their own behavior or not. Rarely, but it happens, we will have a friend that hurts us so bad that it can be considered a “deal breaker” – something that requires the end of the friendship. When that happens, we should take the time to bring it to their attention and make them aware of the impact it had on us. If, after that conversation they either do not understand or care about the pain they caused, it is time for us to remove that person from our lives. Not to be mean to them, but to protect our own mental health.
Some people find prayer very effective, especially in regards to situations and circumstances they have no control over. For them, it removes the worry from their own shoulders and thoughts, and gives them to God – who is much more capable of handing things than we are. Just the act of turning things over to God is comforting because it is another way we can change how we react to things. It is peaceful and comforting to know that we are not burdened by those things any longer. That peace and comfort allows us to no longer feel frustrated and angry about things we have no control over.
Life happens. It happens in all its glory and pain. It is up to us to make the choices to prevent life from overwhelming us. We have the ability to make those choices, some of us just have to learn how to.

Letting Go Of Loneliness

 
“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” 
~ Mother Teresa~

Feeling lonely is awful. I think it is even worse when we are around people and still feel as if we are alone. Usually, it is not the fault of the people around us that we feel that way. Most of the time we are the ones responsible for it. It occurs because of mental and emotional walls we have put up. While we may believe that we have a good reason for creating those walls, it does not take away the loneliness they create.

Often we erect our mental and emotional walls to protect ourselves. We may have started the habit with the best of intentions and in the beginning only used our psychological barriers with certain people. However, we quickly figure out how easy it is to do this any time we feel we are in a situation where we might feel uncomfortable. Eventually, this habit feels so comfortable that we spend all of our time behind our walls. Not only does this prevent people from entering our lives, it prevents us from entering theirs. Leaving us alone behind our walls. What started off as a form of protection, becomes our prison.

Since we are the ones responsible for our loneliness, we have to be the ones responsible for making that feeling go away. That means letting go of the barriers that are keeping us emotionally separated from other people. This is a scary process. Not only are we getting rid of something that has become comfortable to us, we are also allowing ourselves to become vulnerable for the first time in a long while. Fortunately, there are things we can do to make this process a bit easier.

1. Acknowledge what feelings you might be trying to hide. Figure out the origin of those feelings. If they are the result of what someone did to you, are you still angry about it? Letting go of anger is difficult, but it is an important part of breaking down our emotional walls. You can talk about them with someone, or write them out.

2. Be honest with yourself and with other people. If someone asks you how you are doing and you say fine, when you really are not, then you are not being honest. You are also denying someone the opportunity to provide you with support.

3. Trust yourself and other people. For people to earn your trust you have to give them a chance. Trust yourself to know who the right people to place your trust in.

4. Take a few chances. Step out from behind your wall – step out of your comfort zone. You will find that if you can push your limits here and there that you will enjoy life more. The more positive experiences you have when you are not behind your emotional wall, the easier it becomes to resist the urge to put it back up.

5. Be patient with yourself. You did have a good reason to create your wall, and you have lived with it for years. It will take some time before you feel comfortable taking it down completely. Think of each baby step you take as you removing another brick or two from your wall.

I have found that as I have let my own emotional walls down, I get a great deal more enjoyment out of life. Being honest about my feelings and my needs has made me feel as if I have to protect myself less than I used to. I am less stressed because I am not always on the look out for who I have to protect myself from. It also has allowed me to create a different type of social network than I used to have, one that is more positive and encouraging.

A Friend For Me

 
A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself

Friendship is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. At first I thought about friendship in a negative way. As in, why do I feel like I am one of the few women I know who does not have a best friend? Even when I was growing up, I did not have a best friend until I was in high school. For many reasons, that friendship ended long ago. At one time in my life, I thought that having a best friend was something that was absolutely necessary for someone to have a complete life. I was envious of all those women I saw who had a BFF.

I used to think if only I was more sociable – less of a loner – then I would develop that forever friendship with someone. I worked hard at it to. The results were less than desirable. It seemed like the more I tried, and the more emotionally invested I became, the more disappointed I was when that person could not live up to the extremely high expectations I had of them.

Something has dawned on me lately. If my friendship needs are being met by several wonderful women, where is it written that I have to have that best friend I coveted for so long? I realized after some personal struggles over the last few weeks that there are several women in my life who fulfill that BFF role. Each one has qualities that I admire, wisdom that they share, and a caring heart that shows in everything they do. Each one has different personalities, experiences, and quirks. Combine them all together and they make the ultimate best friend.

My point is this, if you are anything like me and feel that you are lacking something socially, take stock of who you have in your life. Maybe together, they make that complete person that you are looking for.

When Your Support System Fails

Editors note: This is Melissa post for this week.  Her post last week was just what I needed to hear and I am so glad I have her in my life!  She has gotten me through rough times even though she doesn’t even know that she has!  As always enjoy!

I believe having an emotional support system is extremely important. No matter who you are, what your state of mind is, or even how emotionally healthy or unhealthly you are. Our emotional support systems often act as an anchor. Keeping us grounded when we are not at our best. Lifting us up when we are down in the dumps and sad. Bringing us the comfort and encouragement we so often seem to need.

Support systems come in all shapes and sizes, they can be found in our real lives and in our internet lives. No matter where we find our support or who we find our support in, the general purpose is the same. Its members are there to help us, provide us with encouragement, and show us tough love when we need it.

The biggest problem with our emotional support systems is that they are filled with people. Real. Live. Human.Beings. Who are imperfect, have their own struggles, misunderstandings, and often built in judgments and excuses. Because of this, they will fail us. Not might fail us, they WILL fail us.

They fail us when they do not notice we are struggling. They fail us when they lack the proper words to encourage us. They fail us when they are going through their own struggles and do not have enough emotional reserve for us. They fail us just because. When the people in our support systems fail us, it hurts. Sometimes it can even be a devastating pain. It is extremely difficult to not become angry. Especially, when some of those people are in our own family.

Before we get angry at anyone in our support system – including family – we need to ask ourselves if we have always been there for them – in the capacity they have needed – when they have needed it. I do not think that any one of us can truthfully say that we have been. We are human too, and are prone to the same faults that the people we rely on are. I am not saying that because we have not always been there when they needed us that it negates the pain they have caused. What I am saying is we should try to examine why someone has not supported us the way we have needed. It is very likely that at the time we needed them, they were involved in their own emotional doings and simply did not realize that we needed them.
So….What do we do now?
Just like most everything else in life, we have choices. When can choose to be angry, or we can choose to get over it. Since I hate the way being angry makes me feel, I try and go for the “get over it” option. There are a list of things I do, to try and move past the hurt that I am feeling.

  1. I try and figure out why a person or people in my support system may have failed me. Maybe they have something going on that interfered with their ability to be there in the way I needed.
  2. I try to understand and realize that there may have been times when I have failed them. Understand that they may have been hurt by it or are even angry about it. As a result they may feel hesitant to get involved in what I have going on.
  3. If I realize someone in my support system is going through their own emotional/mental/physical turmoil at the same time I am, I try and support them rather than have them be there for me. Sometimes taking my concentration off of myself and my own troubles helps me more than waiting for someone to be there for me.
  4. Especially when I feel that a family member has failed to meet my needs, I express it. For example, my husband and I have worked out a code phrase when we need to express something with one another, but at the same time do not want to upset the other person. It simply is “I need to express a frustration.” When one of us says that the other knows to not take personally what is about to be said. We have found it a good way to tell each other when we need more than what the other person has been giving us.
  5. Sometimes no matter what I do to understand, and even support the person I need support from, they are just not in a place to help me. When that occurs, I reach out. I have even been known to reach out to someone I may not have considered a part of my support system. Each and every time I have reached out, there has been someone there encouraging me and building me up. That person becomes part of my emotional support system.
  6. As sad and difficult as it can be, there are times when I have to remove someone from the group of people I have chosen to be a part of my support system. That does not mean I know longer talk to them, or are their friend, it means that I fully realize that for whatever reason they cannot provide me with what I need, and it is time to let that part of my attachment to them go. It does not have to be permanent, in many cases it is only until they get through whatever they are going through.

Just because our emotional support systems will fail us, does not mean we have to be discouraged by it. We can use it as an opportunity to learn how to better be there for the people in our lives. We can use it to create a better support system for ourselves.

You can find me and more of my posts at Sugar Filled Emotions

Inspiration

This is Melissa’s post for this week.  She asked me not to read it until I posted it.  So I am not sure what it is about but I am sure it is good.  Enjoy!

Written by Melissa Mashburn of Sugar Filled Emotions

Most of the time when I write, my primary goal is to write about something that I find inspiring. Once I put it all down, I can only hope that my readers find it as inspiring as I do. Today’s post is really no different, except instead of writing about a topic or idea that I find inspiring, I am going to say a few things about a person I find inspiring.

You inspire me because not only do you have to live with all the normal day to day struggles that we all have, you also have some unique physical challenges that you could use justify a life of inactivity. Instead you do the opposite. You make no excuses. You do what you can, which is often more than what someone with a healthy body would/could do.

You are one of the kindest people I know. No matter how you feel, you have a kind word for me.

You are a shining example of strength in the face of difficulties. I admire your courage.

You have such a giving spirit. You are quick to make sure the people around you are doing okay.

You are a beautiful person, inside and out!

for being my friend. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life! Thank you for allowing me to post on your blog.