National Adoption Awareness Month – The World As I See It

This post was originally posted last year during National Adoption Month. I have updated it and I feel that this can still help other birth mom’s out there.

I had another post scheduled for today but after reading some blogs by couples are looking to adopt and watching a music video I knew in my heart that I needed to post this. As I am writing this I am crying but it is something that I hope will help heal me in time.

It is national adoption month and it has hit me hard. I have found blogs of great couples looking to adopted and I can’t help but get sad when I read them. I feel so bad for them and yet it brings my own pain of being a birth mom up again. It is something I haven’t totally dealt with because it hurts and no one likes to hurt. I can’t believe my daughter is 6. Right now it seems like just yesterday and I placed her for adoption.

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Dear Brita,

I can’t believe you are already 6 years old. I remember like it were yesterday being pregnant with you and you pushing your feet so hard in my side that I would push it back and you would push even harder. I remember the months of being sick while I was pregnant and finding out who where true friends and who weren’t. I can remember going into labor and not wanting to be because I wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet. I knew once you were born I was going to have to say goodbye and I didn’t know how I was going to make it through saying goodbye. I can remember watching you with your parents and know I was making the right choice but that didn’t make it hurt any less. I can remember handing you to your dad and them walking out with you in their arms. I remember the pain but I also know that it was the right option for you. If I could go through it all again I would because I know without a doubt that You are where you are supposed to be. I hope you grow up happy. I would say and loved but I know they love you with all their hearts. I hope you never doubt the love I have for you. I will always love you no matter what you do. I placed you because I knew I couldn’t give you what you deserved in life. You deserve so much more than I could ever give you! I know you will do great things in life and that is why I placed you. In closing know that I love you and miss you everyday!!!!

Love,
Margaret