This weeks for the Writers Workshop I decided to combine the first to prompts because I can fit both of them. Here are the first 2 prompts: 1.) A list of things you no longer have in common with your single/childless friends…and why you love them anyways, 2.) A list of things you no longer have in common with your married/child bearing friends…and why you love them anyways. I fit into both of them because yes I have had a child so I understand what it feels like to have a child and the love you feel for that child but I also placed her for adoption so I don’t know what the sleepless night feel like or what parenting is like. I know what not having kids feels like as well so I feel like I don’t fit in either group anymore. I fit the best when I find other girls that have placed a baby for adoption and know the feelings that go along with it. I still love all of my friends but I am starting to wish that I had more friends that had placed their children for adoption. I just am finding that a have a few things in common with both groups but I also have enough different from them that I don’t really fit in with either group. I hate being in the group I am in but I know I am here because I made the best choice I could make for her. This weeks post is short but I feel as if I covered everything I need to!
This week I picked topic number 3.) “It was as if an invisible thread hooked her to her boy. The thread could go taut or slack but it could never come undone, it could never reach the end of its spool because there was no end; it bound them forever.” What does unconditional love mean to you?
I picked this one because it is easy for me to write about. I placed my daughter for adoption when I was 20 so I think I definitely have a view on what unconditional love is. Unconditional love is doing something for someone else even if it is going to hurt you. I think most parents have this for their children. Even when children mess up and do something wrong. They may be mad and disappointed but in the end they still love you. I say most parents because I don’t believe that my own mother loves me unconditionally but that is another post.
Anyway back to the subject at hand. I love my daughter so much that I was willing to let her go and go to her family. It hurts but to this day I still love her. I can’t wait for when she is older and wanted to get to know me. It will feel so good to know that she can see that I made the best choice for her. I love her unconditional and nothing she could do would change that. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It has been awhile since I posted an update on the MS and my life on this blog. Now I won’t post everything that is going on in my life right now because of the ex but I do post what I won’t post here on my private blog so if anyone wants to read it let me know and I will send you an invite to read it.
Anyway, now on to the update. The MS is being crazy again and I don’t think I am stable anymore. I have an MRI in August but this won’t be a true indicator of how I am doing because I was off of the medication for a few months while the drug company got there shit together and then again when the drug company didn’t send my drug on time so I was two weeks late. That is the one thing with the medication that I am on you have to take the same time every month or you risk flair ups and relapses. I have started to wish that people could live in my body for a week they would truly get what it was like to be me.
Brita’s birthday wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be because I had something to get excited about! The day after her birthday was my SITS day and I knew I would get tons of comment love and that the ladies would say things I needed to hear and not even realize it. So once again I want to thank everyone that stopped by and all my new followers for saying such nice things and saying things I needed to hear at that moment.
There really isn’t much left to say so I hope everyone is had a great weekend and has a great week!!!!!
I watched the Lifetime movie called “Pregnancy Pact” last night and it really got me thinking about teen pregnancy and about my story of getting pregnant and placing the baby for adoption. I decided that I will give you that story today since it is on my mind and I am having trouble writing my post on the MS. Don’t worry I am still working on it. It is just going to take a little longer than what I thought it was going to.
Anyway here is my story.
I was 19 and going to school up at Weber State University. I was a sophomore and going to school for nursing. I was living in the apartment style dorms and lets just say the year started out bad. I should have just moved off campus like Carrie my roommate from my freshman year. The first apartment I was in that year was with freshman and lets just say it was hard because they wanted to party and I had a really tough class that I needed to study for so after things got really bad I asked to move. In the mean time I had started to see a guy and lets just say that I didn’t wait long before I slept with him for the first time.
I moved into a new apartment with two girls that turned out to be drug addicts and one of them ended up over dosing the day before Thanksgiving but I am getting ahead of myself. After I moved in that apartment I got pregnant. I found out because I was so sick that I went to the hospital to see what was wrong with me. They ran a pregnancy test and told me I was pregnant. I already knew I was at that point but I just didn’t want to admit to it. In fact I knew the night it happened that I was.
The rest of that semester is still fuzzy to me. I can remember telling my grandma the night I got out of the hospital on the phone and she basically told me that I should place the baby. The funny thing about that is that I already knew I was going to do that I just didn’t want to admit it to anyone else for a long time. I started going to LDS Family Services because it was free and they had a support group for girls that were pregnant and not married.
After the semester ended I moved home because I couldn’t deal with the stress of school and my roommate over dosing anymore. While I was at home I was working two jobs and taking an online class. In January I started looking for profiles of couples that were looking to adopt. The first time I looked I picked out two couples and brought them home to see what my family thought. This is where the story get weird to say the least. Come to find out my grandma had talk to my social worker and asked her to pull a certain profile so that I could look at them. One of the profiles that I brought home was the family that she picked out. I didn’t know that until she told me after I delivered and everything was done.
In the mean time they did a blood test at the doctors office and they told me that the baby could possible have either down syndrome or what they call Trisomy 18. Because of that blood test I had to go up to the University of Utah and have a longer ultra sound to rule out both of those. After we got done with that the chances of it went done some and I decided that anymore testing could just wait until she was born.
After I picked them I made up a really cute basket of stuff for them and sent it to announce to them that I had picked them. Well come to find out they had a gotten a baby in March and the agency didn’t know if they could place my daughter with them as well. I told my social worker that I still really felt that is where she was supposed to go and that she needed to try everything that she could to make it work. After a few weeks of going back and forth and asking the other birth mom if it was ok with her they finally decided that she could be placed with them.
This was such a relief for me. After we got that decision we started the process of meeting with them and getting to know them. While this was all going on I was getting huge and super tired of being pregnant. I was due July 7th and it was hot and tiring be pregnant during the summer. I went in to the doctors a week before I was due and he said that if I didn’t go into labor on my own before my due date he would induce me on my due date.
Well the morning I was supposed to be induced my water broke and lets just say I knew she would come on her own time and she waited until the last possible second to do it on her own. I was in labor for about 12 hours or so. When it was time to have her I had the adoptive mom in the room so that she could see her being born. They ended up having to use the vacumn thing to get her out because she was stuck on my tail bone and I was too tired to keep pushing.
Two days after I had her I signed the papers and said my goodbyes to the baby that I named Gracelynn but they latter changed to Brita. There isn’t a day that goes by that she doesn’t pop into my head and I just wonder is she happy?? Did I do the right thing???? Will she hate me one day because of the choice I made to place her for adoption???? I hope one day I will get to meet her and get to know her but I also know that it is totally up to her and I will have to live with her decision.
This is a really long post so I will post part two of this story tomorrow and get into why I made the decision to place her and things like that. Hope everyone is having a great Monday. If you have any questions feel free to leave a comment and I will answer all of them!!!
