Today’s topic is a moment that I felt most satisfied in my life. As I thought about this topic for the past few days I really can’t think of anything that truly fits. The one thing that kept coming in my mind was when I placed my daughter for adoption. Now this was the hardest thing I have ever done but it was satisfying in the sense that I know I did the right thing for her. It is hard for me to say that because it was by far the hardest thing I have ever done. That day will forever be the worst day of my life but it also proved that I can do anything that I put my mind too.
I also think that part of the reason that comes to mind is because it has been almost 9 years now and I in a totally different place when it comes to how I look at the adoption and the place I am at with all of it. That is really the only thing I can think of. Let me know if you have any questions!
Some of you may know that my best friend is pregnant with her first baby. I am so excited for her and happy that she is finally getting the family she has wanted for so long so please don’t take this post the wrong way. When I see how happy she is I wish I could have felt that happiness when I was pregnant. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew that she wasn’t meant for me and that I was going to place her for adoption. I never got to be excited that I was pregnant. I see women that are so excited and I wish that my pregnancy could have been like that. I was so sad the whole time because I knew what the end out come as going to be. It is hard to explain what it is like being pregnant and knowing that after you give birth that you are going to walk away and place your child with another family. I also wonder if it would be harder to place a child for adoption if you didn’t know from the start that is what you were going to do. I don’t regret placing her for adoption but I wish things were different while I was pregnant.
I have been thinking about volunteering to help out other birth moms that have placed their children or are going to be placing them. While I was pregnant I attended a support group that was held at the agency I went through. I went through a agency that is run by a church and I think there need to be more groups for birth moms to go. I know that some people wouldn’t be comfortable attending the group I did because of the ties to the church. I just see such a need for birth moms to have a place to go and take to others who know how they feel.
People see how I am now and get frustrated because they aren’t were I am. What they don’t understand is my daughter is now 6 years old and I have had people to talk to about it all. Now that being said people don’t know that I can’t look at her baby pictures because they make me cry. I have her pictures when she is older framed and on my walls but I can’t bring out her baby pictures because they make me sad. I am sorry this post is all over but I have been thinking a lot about adoption lately and I hope I can find a way to help other birth moms.
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