Archives for June 2011

Hardest Thing About Blogging

Mama’s Losin’ It

This week for the Writers Workshop I picked #3-What do you find most challenging about blogging?

I find a lot about blogging challenging but that is because I want to know how everything works.  I am getting into design blogs and that leaves little time to actually write blog posts.  It amazes me how people can design blogs and also find time to blog as well.  I guess part of my problem is that I work from 8-5 Monday through Friday and then go home at work on designs.  I seem to be working all the time and that leaves little time to actually blog.  I also have a hard time trying to figure out what I want to write.  I have tons of post sitting in my drafts folder but I don’t know how to finish any of them.  I always have great ideas for post and then after I start them I get busy and never finish them. Registered & Protected

Wordless Wednesday

I have never done this meme before but it seems like fun and this week I have tons of pictures from my vacation so I am going to post a few of them for you. Registered & Protected

Another Great E-mail

I do like this approach!!  Too bad none of our politicians can get this done…

This was in the Waco Tribune Herald, Waco , TX Nov 18, 2010

Put me in charge . . .

Put me in charge of food stamps. I’d get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash for
Ding Dongs or Ho Ho’s, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans,
blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want
steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.

Put me in charge of Medicaid. The first thing I’d do is to get women
Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligations. Then, we’ll test
recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine and document all tattoos and
piercings. If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, smoke or get
tats and piercings, then get a job.

Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks?
You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your
“home” will be s ubject to inspections anytime and possessions will be
inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your
own place.

In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or
you will report to a “government” job. It may be cleaning the roadways of
trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We
will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo
and speakers and put that money toward the “common good.”

Before you write that I’ve violated someone’s rights, realize that all of
the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules.. Before
you say that this would be “demeaning” and ruin their “self esteem,”
consider that it wasn’t that long ago that taking someone else’s money for
doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem.

If we are expected to pay for other people’s m istakes we should at least
attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system
rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.

AND While you are on Gov’t subsistence, you no longer can VOTE! Yes that is
correct. For you to vote would be a conflict of interest. You will
voluntarily remove yourself from voting while you are receiving a Gov’t
welfare check. If you want to vote, then get a job. Registered & Protected

Best Days Of Your Life

I can’t believe it is already Monday again.  It seems like it was just Monday Yesterday.  If you would like to play along with this new meme all you have to do is:

  • Grab the button
  • Write a post that includes a song and why you like that song
  • Come back and link up!

This weeks song is by Kelly Pickler.  It is called “Best Days Of Your Life”.  All I am going to say about this song is that it is for guys in my past! Registered & Protected

Sadie’s Story

All I can say is that this story is it broke me heart!  I hate when people treat children like they are pawns.  I also get pissed off when people say they don’t want a their child then all of the sudden change their minds.  Read this story and leave her some love in the comments!  I will forward her any comments that she recieves.
I was connected with J through a surrogacy company I volunteered/worked for. I had been helping S with her business for a little while, and had wanted to be a surrogate for a long time, so it seemed perfect. The process was very simple. J was from China but living in the states. S and I met J and set everything up almost immediately. Though J said he was single, I knew he was gay and that was okay with me. I just wanted to help him become a father. He wanted a child more than anything.

I got pregnant right away and had a very early miscarriage. Though my doctor suggested waiting a few weeks, J and S were both very impatient and talked me into doing insems again right away. I got pregnant with Ling. Things were great, I love being pregnant and knowing I could help someone out just made me feel amazing. I talked to J every day on the phone, and S a few times a week. We all kept in touch via text, phone, and email and had a great relationship. J came out to my 6 week appointment and got to hear the heartbeat. He was just beside himself. I knew he was going to be a great dad.

At my 20 week ultrasound, I had to wait until after I was out of the hospital to use my phone because it had no service inside the building. I literally ran outside to call him. I was so excited!! He was having a healthy baby girl. I told the ultrasound tech my story and she gave me twice as many pictures! When I called J, I said “IT’S A GIRL!! A HEALTHY BABY GIRL!!”. He told me he was busy and he would have to call me back, and then he hung up before what he said could even register…

I never got a call back from him. When I called him, he would hit ignore. He stopped responding to my texts. He had joked that he wanted a boy, but I just knew he would be happy with a girl. Well, I was wrong. To make a long story as short as possible, J did not want a girl. More specifically, his family back in China would disown him if he had a girl. I obviously found this out late in the process, but I figured they’d get over it if they saw the ultrasound pictures. So I scanned them in and emailed them to him, congratulating him yet again.

When it had been a week with no contact, I contacted S to find out what in the world was going on. She told me she had been in contact with J and he didn’t want the baby.

He didn’t want his baby.

Now, to back track a bit, I used my eggs and his sperm to conceive this pregnancy. So the baby was biologically mine, but I was a hired surrogate so she was not “mine” to keep. It was a long process but he ended up calling and talking to me and telling me to keep “it”. He never ever referred to her as “her”. Ever. He always said “it”. He said he would pay me the rest of what he owed me, per the surrogacy agreement, and I could keep it (Ling).

I was a single mom of 3 little girls at the time, and was in no position to take on a fourth. Plus, I hadn’t even considered her my little girl up until this point. I talked to my mom and we came up with a plan: she was struggling as well so she said we could move in together and help each other out. We did just that. I started getting prepared to bring Ling home. I explained to my daughters that Ling was in fact their sister and we might be bringing her home with us. I always said might, and rarely mentioned it, because I didn’t want to confuse them and nothing was set in stone.

When I was about 7 months along, I was contacted by J’s lawyer. I was told that he wanted the baby. I of course said no way, but legally I was bound by our contract. He could get out of it (he had stopped paying me my compensation at this point), but I couldn’t. All along, S was on his side with everything. She said if I wanted to keep the baby, I wasn’t getting any compensation. I told her that was fine… and like I said, just kept getting ready to bring Ling home. There was a lot of work to do and a little time to do it.

I got a lawyer at this point because J’s lawyer wouldn’t leave me alone. It was hard to find a lawyer with no money and a surrogacy case in my state (there are no laws on surrogacy here and only two lawyers in the state that will touch it). The lawyer I got was an angel, an amazing woman. She didn’t charge me a thing, and helped me every step of the way.

However, because of my state’s laws, I had to relinquish Ling. The choices were send her to J, or find an adoptive family for her. I looked at adoptive family profiles and settled on one – a single woman from New York. This woman lit up in all of her pictures. When I laid eyes on her, I knew she was meant to be Ling’s mom. As hard as it was, I knew that’s how it had to be. I contacted this woman right away and we met, went shopping, and just felt like best friends. We emailed a few times a day, and just got to know each other as quickly as possible.

She flew in from her home state when I was in labor, and was in the delivery room. It was a magical experience for her.

After Ling was born, I didn’t want to let her go. It was the hardest feeling in the world to explain. I knew she wasn’t meant to be mine, but I had carried her for 9 months… I had a nursery for her at home… it was like my baby was being stolen from me and there was nothing I could do about it. Ling’s mom stayed in the hospital in another room, and Ling slept in there with her. I got to hold her for a few hours before it was time to leave. I wasn’t even in the hospital for 24 hours after I had her. I wanted to get out of there and go crawl in a hole and hide, but I had 3 little girls counting on me so I couldn’t do that. I held Ling, took pictures (wish I would’ve taken more), and took a few videos. My girls got to hold her, and that was that… my mom took them out to the car and I had to hand Ling over to her mom. I truly thought I was going to die of a broken heart at that point. I nearly passed out, couldn’t breathe because I was crying so hard when I watched her walk away with my baby.

My baby.

She just walked away and there was nothing I could do about it. They made me sit in a wheel chair and calm down for a little while, and then a nurse walked me to my car. I don’t remember much after that… it’s all a blur really. We went to court the next day so I could relinquish my rights. I had to sit up on the stand and tell the judge that I realized I was “voluntarily” (yeah right) terminating my rights and it could not be undone. Oh god… what I’d do to take those words back. There was nothing I could do. If I wouldn’t have said those words, I just would’ve been in court with J. I didn’t want him to end up with her, and he most likely would have. So I did what I had to do for Ling, and I gave her to her adoptive mother. I always look back and wish I could change it but the truth is, my life is great right now and so is hers. It’s a shame we can’t spend it together but that’s the hand we were dealt. I just hope she understands when she is older, and knows it wasn’t a choice I ever would have made willingly.



Mama’s Losin’ It

I picked #4-A country you would like to visit.  There are so many different countries that I would like to visit.  I have always wanted to travel and go all over the world but if I could only pick one I would pick Australia.

I have cousins that are from there and there is also so many fun things I want to see.  I am hoping that one day I will have the money so that I can go there and site see.  The men also are super sexy when they talk.  They have so many cool animals.  There is just so much culture down there.  I am saving my penny’s so that I can go one day! Registered & Protected

“Rebecca’s Story”

When my birthmother found out that she was pregnant she was already in a situation where sheknew in her heart that raising two children would be next to impossible. At thetime of my birth my full-biological sister was 6-years-old old my biologicalfather was 58 while by birth-mother was 28! Yes, you read correct a 30 year agedifference!
At a couplemonths old I was adopted into an amazing family and would never want things togo otherwise, for, now that I have met biological family if I had stayed with themI would  have lacked an opportunityfor a bright future.
From as young aspre-school age my parents explained adoption and it made me feel special andchosen. It was never a shameful experience, nor was it to be hidden. I do notlook a lot like my family as I am tri-racial and was adopted into aEnglish/French Canadian family thus when my hair finally came in, my mixedheritage became evident. The hardest part of being adopted was the fact that Idid not have anybody to resemble.
I majored inHistory with a focus in Latin American and African American History. In myheart I have always felt that I must hold some genetic ties to black ancestry,however, did not have any proof of it, as being adopted prevents one fromknowing themselves!
My father alwaysinformed me of a file I could access when I felt ready, I was never interestedin seeing this file, and only took an interest during emotional points in mylife. Being a great parent, my father did not allow me to see the file when Iasked for it during an emotional moment, but rather explained when the time isright I will know.
For me, thistime did not come until two years ago when I entered into a steady relationshipwith my current boyfriend. For the first time, I felt stable and supported, Iknew that my family and partner would have my back and guide me through theemotional journey I was about to embark on. When the records in Ontario openedin June 2009 I applied right away and received non-identifying information.From this information I conducted a personal hunt for my biological family withno success.
The following year I hired an investigator whomsuggested I search the census at the local library, from this information Iconfirmed that my biological mother resided at the residence stated on thenon-identifying information, then I hit a brick wall!
I decided to usemy university skills and conduct my own search; I made posters and called my bestfriend to meet me at the local library for the following day. That night, I haddreams all night of what my biological mother looked like, her house, theneighbourhood etc. The next morning I drove (2) hrs to my home town and onroute I got a weird sensation and decided to detour to the area in which it isbelieved she resided in 1986. When I was driving around I came across a housethat looked very similar to the one in my dream, and to my astonishment thesurrounding area was identical to my vision the previous night.
I pulled over,and decided to simply knock on the door. When I did a man answered and I askedfor the name of my biological mother, he said one moment please and called her.I got weak in the knees, felt as if I was going to pass out. She came to thedoor and it was as if I was looking into my own eyes (we have the same eyes)she said my biological name, and I said “Mom?” and we cried. After we bothcalmed down we looked over information to prove it was really each other, andfrom then on its history.
She called mysister who drove down from the area in which I currently reside (we live 25minapart!) and I met her. I found out that I have two grown half sisters (in 40’s)as well as a half brother. My half siblings were not happy about the situation,nor was my biological father and as a result I am unwelcome in their lives,which I am still learning to accept.
As of current, Ihold an on-off relationship with my 30 year old full sister and a telephonebased relationship with my biological mother. From this situation I havelearned my true identity French-Canadian, Italian, African. Most importantlyfrom this situation I grew an even stronger appreciation for my adoptivefamily, my step-mother and those who’ve I have met along the way that haveshaped me into the young lady I am today. For without them, and without theright for freedom of choice, my life could have drastically altered.
For birthmothers out there reading this, just know in your heart that everyone has alife path and your decisions allowed someone else to add a child to their lifepath, and one day if its meant to be you will once again have your child backand hopefully (like myself) they will be forever appreciative of your harddecision.
25-YRold adoptee, reunited 7 months ago!

Vacation- June 23-26

I am going on vacation for the 23rd of June until the 26th of June.  I post that are scheduled to post on a few of the days.  I am not sure if my phone will work or if I will have access to the internet.  Once I get back into town I will respond to all my emails and get caught up.  This vacations is much needed for me to say the least!  I hope that everyone has a great weekend and I will see you all on the flip side! Registered & Protected

Musical Monday Week 6

If you would like to play along with this new meme all you have to do is:

  • Grab the button
  • Write a post that includes a song and why you like that song
  • Come back and link up!

This first video is “Price Tag” by Karmin.  The video under it is the real version of the song.  I really love Karmin.  I have brought all of their covers because I love listening to her voice.

This song is called “My Give A Damn Is Busted”.  It is by Jo Dee Messina and I feel this away about a few people in my life! Registered & Protected

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: You May Be Right

1. What is the craziest thing you’ve done in the last Year?
I haven’t done anything crazy to be honest with everyone.  I am pretty laid back now that I am sick.
2. What is something that you’ve lost recently?
I lose stuff all the time. 
3. Where does your patience suffer the most?
While I am waiting for idiots to do things!
4. Have you ever reread a book?
No I haven’t.  I can watch movies over and over but once I read a book once I don’t ever read it again.
5. What is a TV show that you absolutely HATE to miss?
Ghost Adventures!  I am going to be missing next week when I am gone :o(
6. How old do you wish you were?
7. Do you know your neighbors?
Sure do!  I used to know what was going on with all of them as well!
8. Do you believe that opposites attract?
Yes I do
9. Who was the last person that made you laugh?
Grandma and my kitty girls. Registered & Protected