My story – The World As I See It

I have had quite a few new followers in the last few months and I figured that I would re-post the story of me placing my daughter for adoption. This post is just the story of all everything went and the following post will be about my feelings and thoughts on everything.

I was 19 and going to school up at Weber State University. I was a sophomore and going to school for nursing. I was living in the apartment style dorms and moved a few times because of one thing or another. If you want to know more about that whole situation let me know and I will write a post about that.

Anyway, I found out that I was pregnant in the ER because I was so sick. I already knew in my head that I was pregnant but didn’t want to admit it to myself or anyone else for that matter. I remember when they told me that I was pregnant that I knew that she wasn’t meant for me. My family was always for adoption, or at least the family that knew.

I moved out of the dorms and back home after the fall semester was over because of all the drama that had gone on that semester. After I moved home I started working 2 jobs and taking one class online to keep me busy. I decided that I was going to place through LDS Family Services because I am LDS and I wanted my child raised in a home like I was raised in. They also had a support group for girls that were pregnant and unmarried that attend almost every week after I moved home.

In January I started looking through profiles of couples that were looking to adopt. The first time I looked I picked out two couples and brought them home to see what my family thought. This is where the story gets weird to say the least. Come to find out my grandma had talk to my social worker and asked her to pull a certain profile so that I could look at them. One of the profiles that I brought home was the family that she picked out. I didn’t know that until she told me after I delivered and everything was done. She knew that if she told me that I wouldn’t have picked them because that is how my brain works. If someone tells me to do something I won’t do it even if I know it is right.

In the mean time they did a blood test at the doctors office and they told me that the baby could possible have either downs syndrome or what they call Trisomy 18. Because of that blood test I had to go up to the University of Utah and have a longer ultra sound to rule out both of those. After we got done with that the chances of it went done some and I decided that anymore testing could just wait until she was born.

After I picked them I made up a really cute basket of stuff for them and sent it to announce to them that I had picked them. Well come to find out they had a gotten a baby in March and the agency didn’t know if they could place my daughter with them as well. I told my social worker that I still really felt that is where she was supposed to go and that she needed to try everything that she could to make it work. After a few weeks of going back and forth and asking the other birth mom if it was okay with her they finally decided that she could be placed with them.

This was such a relief for me. After we got that decision we started the process of meeting with them and getting to know them. While this was all going on I was getting huge and super tired of being pregnant. I was due on the 7th of July and my doctor scheduled me to be induced on the 7th if I didn’t go into labor on my own before then.

Well the morning I was supposed to be induced my water broke and lets just say I knew she would come on her own time and she waited until the last possible second to do it on her own. I was in labor for about 12 hours or so. When it was time to have her I had the adoptive mom in the room so that she could see her being born. They ended up having to use the vacuum thing to get her out because she was stuck on my tail bone and I was too tired to keep pushing.

Two days after I had her I signed the papers and said my goodbyes to the baby that I named Gracelynn but they later changed to Brita. There isn’t a day that goes by that she doesn’t pop into my head and I just wonder is she happy?? Did I do the right thing???? Will she hate me one day because of the choice I made to place her for adoption???? I hope one day I will get to meet her and get to know her but I also know that it is totally up to her and I will have to live with her decision.