Standing Still

I am sure everyone knows the saying Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?  That is sort of how I have been feeling lately.  I feel like I am standing still while watching all of my friends passing me by and living their lives.  It has been hard for me to  watch life pass me by but I also know that I am just where I need to be in life.  It is hard at times to watch everyone I know get married and start their families.  I am not sure why this is so hard for me right now because I don’t want to be married and I don’t think I ever want kids of my own.
I think part of this comes because it is lonely to be the single one with no kids.  Now don’t get me wrong I am 100% happy for my friends that they are happy and doing everything they want to do with their lives.  I guess it all boils down to that it is hard to be the last one.  Some of you know that I am technically married right now but there is no way my husband and I would ever get back together to much has happened between us for it to ever work.
I have to wonder if I will ever get married again or if I will ever even date again.  Right now for the most part I am totally content to be single and not have to answer to anyone.  There are those days when I wish that I wasn’t single and I believe I have those days because my friends are either married or all in relationships so I see couples all the time.  Heck the office I work in everyone but one guy is married so I always seem to be the single one but most of the time that is okay.
I know this post rambled but it was just the thoughts I have had in my head that I knew need to be typed out.  I feel better now that I have typed it.
For everyone who is or has been in my spot what things have helped you?
Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2012 Margaret Margaret


I am finding that I am in funk lately.  I just came seem to find things to write about and some days even if I have things to write I don’t feel like writing them.  I hate when I have days or weeks like this.  I can sit for hours and stare at a blank screen and have no idea how to get the thoughts in my head out of my head.  I am just so tired of things in my life that I not sure what to do to make them go away or at least not bug me as much as they have been.  I am just tired of a lot of things in my life anymore.  I am so tired of being sick and not being able to do much because I get tired so quickly.  Like Saturday my Grandma and I went shopping and we were only gone a few hours by the time we got home I could barely move because I was in so much pain.  I am just tired always being sick and spending so much time and money at doctors offices.  Hell I live at home because I can’t afford rent because of the doctor bills!  I guess I am just tired of this disease and it taking my life away from me.  I am only 26 is shouldn’t have to deal with this stupid disease.  Hell no one should have to deal with this disease.  It might be easier if I could plan on what was going to be wrong during a day but every morning when I get up and I am like “well what is going to work right today?”.  I am always waiting for something to go wrong because you never know what this disease will do.

I also am having a rough time being single right now.  It sucks when I have times like this.  People around me are going to say see you aren’t okay being single.  What they don’t get is that some days are tough and it tends to get lonely but more than not I am totally satisfied being alone.  I hate when I feel like this because I know all too well that I am better off alone.  In time this all will pass or at least I hope it will pass!!