In a post that I wrote a few weeks ago I talked about how my brother now has a baby who is going to be three months old next week. Up until my brother had this baby I haven’t really been around babies since I placed my daughter for adoption almost 9 years ago.
I now realize how much I truly missed of her growing up. I knew logically what I missed but since I hadn’t ever really taken care of a baby I didn’t get to see first hand what I missed with her. Having my brothers son around has made me realize what I have missed and make me miss her. That being said I don’t regret my choice because I know without a doubt that she is where she needs to be it has made me miss the milestones I never got to see.
It is crazy how 9 years later I am finally realizing everything that I missed out on. I am sure most people figure it out sooner than I have but everything happens in gods time and I don’t know how I would have dealt with it if it happened any sooner than now. Since I have always had to deal with everything having to do with the adoption alone I am glad that I didn’t have to see what I was missing sooner because I couldn’t have dealt with it any sooner than now.
I truly believe god knew that I couldn’t have dealt with it any sooner than now so he made sure I didn’t have to deal with it. There are times when I take care of my brothers son that I have to give him to my grandma and walk away because it hurts. There are many nights that I find myself crying again because seeing how much I missed out on is hard for me. I just wish it still wasn’t hard dealing with everything because I know it was the right choice for her and for me.