1. What do you consider your hometown to be?
A town that is getting bigger as the days go on. It was small when I was growing up but has gotten super big in the last 10 years or so.
2. What’s the hardest part of your average day?
Getting through work because I get tired so easily that by the end of the day I am ready to pass out but I can’t sleep lol
3. The easiest? Why?
Getting ready for work because it doesn’t take much to great ready.
4. What beverage do you reach for to quench your thirst?
Water or Dr Pepper
5. What is one not-so-secret goal you have for your life? I’ll let you keep your secret ones to yourself.
To finish school and find happiness
6. What physical pain do you fear most? For example, I’m trying to decide how bad my jaw pain needs to get before I risk a potential needle from my dentist. So, for me, throbbing is preferable to jabbing.
There isn’t really one that I fear. I hate all pain but I deal with it on a daily basis.
7. Where do you find solace?
With my cubs and on the internet!!!
8. What makes you the saddest when you read/see the news?
All the people committing suicide or people getting bullied. It makes me so sad that people get bullied so much these days.
9. What do you eat for a favorite snack?
Chips or any junk food!
10. What movie could you/would you watch more than two or three times and still enjoy just as much as the first time?
A lot of movies actually. I will watch most movies several times and not get old of them. Right now I watch The Last Song and Selena. My favorite movie is Liar Liar though.
11. What boy/girl first made you cry?
Probably my husband
12. What brand of coffee/tea do you drink most often?
I don’t drink any of it. I enjoy my caffeine cold!
13. Dig in the dirt with or without garden gloves?
Without but I should wear them because I am so allergic to planets that I break out in hives all the time.
14. James Taylor or Carly Simon?
Neither-I have no idea who either of them are!!!! 
Month: November 2010
MS Rant
I try to keep my rants off of this blog but I think people that have MS need to see that some days having this disease totally sucks! I don’t want people to think that because I tend to not post about those days that they don’t exist. Right now I am struggling because I have to except how I am feeling as the new normal and I don’t want to. No one wants to know that this is as good as it gets. I am at the point right now where I need to except it and I don’t want to. I want to tell the disease to go fly a kite and go away. I am 25 years old and I don’t want to be dealing with this disease!!!!! I have knowing that this disease takes so much away from people who have it. I look at others with the disease and get mad at myself because the are worse off than I am and yet I am still bitching and pissed off because of how I feel. I know I should be grateful that I am not more disabled but instead I am pissed off that I have to deal with this disease at all. I was doing so well at staying positive with how things are going and now I am back to when I got diagnosed and not dealing well with it all. I want to bury my head in the sand and just ignore it but I also know that I can’t do that. Part of this I am sure is just being 25 and being to damn stubborn for my own good. I will never totally except this disease! I know I can’t give up on treatment since it working but hell I am tired of going once a month and having it done. I am tired of worrying about PML and the disease getting worse. I am tired of people hearing about my diagnoses and being scared to date me or even talk to me. I mean good hell it isn’t going to kill them hell it might not even kill me. I am tired of all the crap that comes along with this damn disease. I am so tired of being in pain and my doctor not giving me what I need to deal with the pain. I am tired of being on all the medications that I am on to treat how the MS has made me feel. I guess it boils down to the fact that I am tired of the disease!
Okay I am going to leave it at that. Hopefully get this out will help me move on from this point!
Pour Your Heart Out
I am writing this post for Shells Pour Your Heart Out. I had another post scheduled for today but after reading some blogs by couples are looking to adopt and watching a music video I knew in my heart that I needed to post this. As I am writing this I am crying but it is something that I hope will help heal me in time.
It is national adoption month and it has hit me hard. I have found blogs of great couples looking to adopted and I can’t help but get sad when I read them. I feel so bad for them and yet it brings my own pain of being a birth mom up again. It is something I haven’t totally dealt with because it hurts and no one likes to hurt. I can’t believe my daughter is 5. Right now it seems like just yesterday and I placed her for adoption. When I go to the stores and see the baby clothes it makes me sad because in my head she is still that little. I have shared my story on here before so I am not going to write about that again instead I think I am going to write a letter to her. All I ask if you have nothing nice to say then keep your mouth shut.
Dear Brita,
I can’t believe you are already 5 years old. I remember like it were yesterday being pregnant with you and you pushing your feet so hard in my side that I would push it back and you would push even harder. I remember the months of being sick while I was pregnant and finding out who where true friends and who weren’t. I can remember going into labor and not wanting to be because I wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet. I knew once you were born I was going to have to say goodbye and I didn’t know how I was going to make it through saying goodbye. I can remember watching you with your parents and know I was making the right choice but that didn’t make it hurt any less. I can remember handing you to your dad and them walking out with you in their arms. I remember the pain but I also know that it was the right option for you. If I could go through it all again I would because I know without a doubt that You are where you are supposed to be. I hope you grow up happy. I would say and loved but I know they love you with all their hearts. I hope you never doubt the love I have for you. I will always love you no matter what you do. I placed you because I knew I couldn’t give you what you deserved in life. You deserve so much more than I could ever give you! I know you will do great things in life and that is why I placed you. In closing know that I love you and miss you everyday!!!!
Love,
Margaret
Interferon
I am going to talk about the interferon treatments this week but first I have to tell everyone something. I started this feature because Jacqui said that I should. She told me that up until she had met me she didn’t know anything about MS. Well this past week a gentleman left a comment on my blog that made me see that people may not comment on this feature but people are reading it. He is newly diagnosed and found my blog while researching the medication they put him on. I was shocked and happy that people are reading my blog and it really is helping people. To be honest I have been considering not writing about MS anymore because I didn’t think I was helping people but since I heard from him I will keep doing it. I may not do it every week anymore because I am running out of things to talk about but I will keep doing it from time to time that is for sure.
Now on to this weeks topic. There are 4 interferon treatments that I am aware of they are Avonex, Betaseron, Extavia, and Rebif. I have take both Avonex and Betaseron. I had bad reactions to both of them but because of doctors who were unwilling to listen to me I was on and off them for years. The major side effects are flu like symptoms.
Avonex is a once a week intramuscular shot. This medication has to go into the muscle. I always had to have my aunt who is a nurse give it to me when I was taking it. I hated these shots and so my grandma would bribe me with things that I wanted so I would take them. I hated them because they hurt and they made me so sick. They made me feel like I was burning up on the inside and my skin hurt to be touched. I can remember waking up in the middle of the night and just crying because I hurt so bad. All the doctors would say that my body would get used to it but I never did if anything the reactions got worse the longer I was taking the medication.
Betaseron and Extavia is a shot that you take every other day. It is one that is just below the skin so it isn’t as bad as the Avonex but I found that while I was on Betaseron that they hurt worse and I bruised more with them. This type has a self inject thing so I “could” give it myself but I would sit there for hours debating with myself to push the button and I never could so in the end someone would have to push the button for me. I always struggled with giving myself a shot. I had the same reactions as I did with Avonex except this was more often so I ended up feeling like crap all the time.
I never took Rebif but it is given three days a week. It is the same type of shot that Betaseron is. I would assume it has the same side effects as the other ones do. The reason I never took this one is after Betaseron I decided until something new came out that wasn’t an interferon I wasn’t going to treat my MS. I would never recommend this to anyone. It was right for me but it isn’t right for everyone. I finally found a doctor that was and is willing to work with me and listen to me.
Next week I will take about Copaxone which is one that I have taken as well! I hope this will help people. If you have any questions feel free to leave a comment and I will get back to you or write a post about it in the coming weeks!