Guest Post Friday

Love Letters By Melissa

Love Letters To Yourself

In a previous guest post I briefly mentioned writing love notes to yourself, something I like to do. I find that writing myself love notes is a wonderful way to keep myself motivated and feeling good about myself. Love notes do not have to be long, just a few short words on a post-it-note are just as valuable as writing a long letter to myself.

There are times though, when only a long letter will do. Not just a long letter, but something like how people used to write letters long ago. Letters containing pressed flowers, smelling of perfume or having lovely pictures. Even writing them with a fancy pen that is only reserved for my special letters. It is all about making myself feel good and taking care of myself. I like to save these letters. Pulling them out when I need to hear special, loving words.

I believe that no one knows better what I need to hear to build me up than myself. These letters do that when, for whatever reason, my family cannot fill that need for me.

You never want the letter writing to yourself to become a chore, something you feel like you have to do, so don’t do it very often. It is about loving yourself, showing yourself compassion, not one more thing in the long list of things that you must do. Don’t get bogged down in using proper grammar, or punctuation, or making it perfect. It is about love, not about perfection.

Make the time that you take to write these letters to yourself special. If you find that you cannot get time alone during the day to do this, try it after the rest of your family goes to bed. Play some soft music, light a few candles, take some time and clear your mind before you get started. Think about the wonderful things you want to say. If you cannot do all that, you can still make that time special by putting some pressed flowers in your letter, decorating the envelope, even putting inspirational pictures from magazines and photographs in it. You could crush some fragrant herbs and put them in, or include your own drawings (even if they are only stick figures). Write some quotes on little slips of paper and stick those in as well.

Start your letters off with terms of endearment, like “Dear” and then put as much love and compassion into the letter to yourself as you can. Write it to someone you love dearly. As difficult as it might be, do your best to not write it in the first person. An example of this is:

Dear Melissa,

You are a wonderful person. I love how strong and self confident you are. You are a beautiful, inside and out. I value you. I admire the compassion you showed to those hurting people today. (and just keep going)

In your letters to yourself you could write about your good qualities, something you did that you are proud of, and things that bring you love and joy. Write about a walk you took, or a special time you spent with another person. You could write about something loving another person did or said to you. Use your imagination, write only about the things that build you up.

You can write your letter all at one time, or take a whole month to write it, adding bits and pieces here and there. Do it the way that works best for you.

On your hard days, on those days when you are hurting and your self worth has taken a blow, pull out your love letters to remind yourself what a wonderful person you are. Read them all, or read only one, whatever it takes to heal your hurting heart.

If you decide to try writing a love letter to yourself, I would enjoy hearing about it. Only as much as you feel comfortable sharing.

Written by Melissa Mashburn of Sugar Filled Emotions

Suicide Prevention Week By Melissa

Editors note:  This is Melissa Friday post but because she had a suicide death in the family last weekend she is just getting to it now.  Please read this because maybe we can save some peoples lives.
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September 5, 2010 through September 11, 2010 is National Suicide Prevention Week. World Suicide Day is September 10th.
I know this is a different type of subject matter than what I have written about in previous guest posts, however, this is a cause that is near and dear to my heart. I realize that it sounds rather strange for someone to say that suicide prevention is a cause near and dear to their heart, but that is how I feel about it. At one time in my life, I really did not think about how important it was to talk about it. All of that changed after my second suicide attempt and a stay in a psychiatric hospital. As my mind began to heal, and I began to reach out more and more to people all across the world, I realized that suicide is a topic that people are extremely hesitant to discuss.
It is something we should discuss. Each year the suicide rate increases. As the amount of attempts goes up so does the number of people who die by suicide. Suicide affects people of all walks of life, gender, age and race. From teenagers to the Elderly and everyone in between, they all usually have one thing in common. An untreated mental illness/mental health issue. In many instances that untreated illnesses is Severe/Major Depression.
Would you know if someone you loved was at risk for suicide? Would you know what signs to look for? People do not always talk about their desire to die by suicide, nor do they always give away their personal effects when they are thinking about taking their own life. I know many people believe that someone on the verge of suicide would do those things, but in many instances of death by suicide the family is caught off guard because their loved one did not display those particular signs. Unfortunately, they did not know how to look for others.
I knew I wanted to kill myself. So I very carefully, as much as possible, avoided anything that would give my family any clue that I was in so much trouble. I did not talk about death or suicide. I did not give away any of my possessions, I did not even leave any kind of suicide note. If my family had known about other things to look for, they would have seen the signs of what was going on in my head that I could not cover up.
Some things to look for that might be warning signs that someone is at risk for suicide:

  • Appearing depressed or sad most of the time. This was the biggest clue I exhibited and could not hide.
  • Withdrawing from family and friends. This is also something I did that I could not hide.
  • Losing interest in most activities. Hobbies and just keeping the house in order were things I was no longer interested in. I could not hide this.
  • Dramatic Mood Changes. I had two moods, sad or angry. It was impossible for me to hide this.
  • A change in sleeping patterns. For most of my depression, I slept too much. As it came closer to the time that I attempted suicide, I barely slept at all.

This is by no means a complete list of the warning signs that someone would display. If you were to do a Google search for “suicide warning signs” you would find many more lists that are much more complete. What I listed were warning signs that would be difficult or impossible for someone to hide. Things to look for and to pay particular attention to.

Anyone and everyone is at risk for developing a mental illness/mental health issue. Some people are at a higher risk because of family history, or a history of other chronic health conditions. There is no immunization to guard against mental illness. There is no magic pill that would prevent someone from developing a mental health issue. Which means anyone and everyone could potentially be at risk for suicide.

I believe that knowledge gives us power. By knowing what to look for we are being responsible parents, spouses, children, siblings, friends, and etc. to the people we love. It gives us the power to help. Never tell yourself that death by suicide or a suicide attempt is something that would never happen to someone you love. My family thought that, and were surprised to learn that they were wrong.

Guest Post Friday

 

Resentment or grudges do no harm to the person against whom you hold these feelings but every day and every night of your life, they are eating at you”
Norman Vincent Peale

Have you ever experienced hurt or pain because of the actions or words of another? If you have, you know that often these wounds leave us feeling angry, and bitter. If those wounds were inflicted when we were children, we often carry those feelings around with us for years and years. We end up paying a higher price than the person who hurt us, because the anger and bitterness invades every part of our lives. Instead of feeling optimistic and happy, we feel anger, are upset, and depressed. Instead of looking at the positive, wonderful things that surround us daily, we focus on how we were wronged. With so much focus on how badly we were treated, it becomes very difficult for us to find contentment and peace.

Wonderful changes can take place in your life if you can learn to let go of your grudges.

  • Healthier relationships. You will be able to develop relationships that are not clouded by negativity. (I have a better relationship with my family than I ever had before.)
  • You mind and soul will become healthier.
  • Because of not being so angry all the time, you will feel less stress and anxiety.
  • If you have to take blood pressure medicine, you may be able to stop, because your blood pressure will come down.
  • You will have fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety, and in some cases less chronic pain. (I had serious problems with irritable bowel syndrome and gastroparisis. My symptoms have almost completely gone away since I have let go of my anger and bitterness.)
  • With less mental pain, there will be less feelings of needing to self medicate. This will lower any chances of alcohol or drug abuse.
There are things we can do to let go of our feelings of anger and bitterness.
  • Make a commitment to yourself to work on forgiving the person/s who harmed you.
  • Recognize the value of forgiveness and how it can positively affect your life.
  • Take some time to reflect on the facts of the situation, your reaction and how they have affected your life, your health and well being.
  • When you believe you are ready, actively choose to forgive the person who wronged you.
  • Move away from being the victim and release the control and power that the person who harmed you has had in your life

As you let go of your feelings of anger and bitterness you will find that you no longer define your life by how you have been harmed.

I know it is not easy to find forgiveness for people who have deeply hurt us. I know that some wrongs against us are harder to let go of than others. I know that sometimes we need help to let things go. In no way, do I want to make it appear that this process is easy, or make light of it in any way. The truth is we must let these things go, even if it takes years for us to accomplish this. I can tell you from my own experience, that once I was able to let go of my anger and bitterness my life changed drastically for the better.
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Guest Post Friday

Editors Note:  Melissa is an amazing person.  I have gone through some of the things she has and her blog really helps out.   It helps me see that I am not the only one that goes through what I am going through.  This post today funny enough is something I need to hear and yet I just asked her to write about whatever she wanted to write about.  I invited her to post once a week if she feels up to it so this is her first post!  I hope you all enjoy her as much as I do!
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Since this is my first time guest posting over here, I thought I would introduce myself. My name is Melissa Mashburn and I blog over at Sugar Filled Emotions. I am very excited about Margaret giving me the opportunity to guest post on her site. I have gotten to know her on Twitter and my life is that much more blessed by having her in it.

“Be gentle with yourself, learn to love yourself, to forgive yourself, for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the right attitude toward others.”

Wilfred Peterson


The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. Most of us have heard something similar to this at some point in our lives. Yet, how seriously did we actually take it? I know I gave little to no thought to the notion of loving myself for most of my life.

What does it actually mean to love yourself? I believe that loving yourself is not really so much of a feeling as it is a decrease in self doubt, self loathing, and unforgiveness of yourself. Loving yourself means that you take your well being seriously. Doing the necessary and practical things that you need to do to take care of yourself.

It seems simple. Yet, so many of us find it so difficult. We are hard on ourselves. We dislike who we are. We do not think we are worthy of anything good, and we find it impossible to forgive ourselves, even when we have done nothing wrong. When we have a poor relationship with ourselves it taints our other relationships.

People who have a healthy amount of love for themselves usually have certain characteristics:

  • They tend to focus on feeling good.
  • They allow themselves to feel happy and enjoy sharing it with other people
  • They treat themselves well.
  • They do not allow others to mistreat them.
  • They are caring and supportive of others, because it makes them feel good too.
  • They put themselves first so they can better take care of family and friends.
  • They find a quote, motto or thought that resonates with them and practice it. (I made my own personal motto)
  • They allow themselves to succeed.

Developing love for yourself can start with something as simple as having the intention (desire) to love yourself more. However, at some point after you gain that desire, it will become necessary to follow it up with some action. It does not have to be anything big or drastic. In my opinion, baby steps work the best, especially if you are anything like me and have spent the better part of your life not loving yourself.

One of the first things I did when I was learning how to love myself was to take some pictures of myself to share with others. For the last few years, I have hated how I looked. I disliked having any pictures taken of me, and there was no way I would post an accurate picture of myself even on Facebook. I thought I was clever in the way I got around having to do it. I would just post old childhood pictures. The time came when I decided to take a chance and let everyone “see” the real me. I knew that it would be impossible for me to like any serious picture of me, so my daughter and I worked together to create the silliest pictures we could. Being silly with my daughter allowed me to be more comfortable with the whole picture taking process, and also put me more at ease when it came to choosing one to show the world. It made me feel good to accomplish that.

Some suggestions for you to try when learning how to love yourself are:

  • Acknowledge when you accomplish something, even something small, and praise yourself for it.
  • Write yourself “love notes”. These can be notes to yourself, inspiration quotes, anything that makes you feel good. Put them in places where you will see them and read them throughout the day. My favorite places are my bathroom mirror and the front door.
  • Take some time for you. Even if it is only 15 minutes, make clear that this is time for you. Read, take a bath, talk to yourself, thinking about nothing….
  • Find ways to reward yourself daily.
  • Nurture yourself.
  • Focus on solutions rather than worrying about the problem. Being proactive in solving your own problems really does make you feel good about yourself.
  • Replace any negative thoughts with positives ones. Or at the very least, when you have a negative thought, immediately follow it with a positive thought. I try and find at least three positive things about every situation.
  • Allow yourself to succeed.

Who you are is more important than what you are. You are valuable and nothing can change that.