Mondays With Melissa – Life Lived With Thoughtfulness

Before my anxiety and depression began I was the chief cook and bottle washer, the taxi driver, and the maid in my family. I had a to-do list that never ended. I constantly felt as if I was overwhelmed, and that there was not enough of me to go around. If I could not get something on my list done, or if I started on it later than I planned, my stress levels increased ten-fold. In an effort to make sure that I could put a check mark next to everything on my daily list I often cut corners. I would not do the best I could on several things in order to complete them as rapidly as possible. There were many days when I got my to-do list done, but I did not feel any pride, or take any joy in what I had accomplished. I equated being super busy to having a fulfilled life. I was placing more value on how much I got done in a day, rather than living with purpose.

Once my depression, and anxiety manifested everything stopped. I did nothing, I valued nothing. When my depression, and anxiety symptoms started to lessen, and I was responding to my therapy, and medications more, it dawned on me how unsatisfied I had been. Despite how busy I had been, I had taken absolutely no satisfaction in anything I had done. When I was ready, I began doing one or two productive things around the house each day. I noticed that when I could accomplish at least one thing a day I had a sense of pride. I also paid attention to the fact that even though it may have been only one thing I had gotten done, I did it with more thought, and care than I used to. I think it was because I did not feel rushed, or that I had to accomplish a whole list of things in one day.

It did not take me long to figure out that I feel overwhelmed much quicker than I used to. Long gone are the days when I could multitask – managing many things at one time. That is a good thing. Instead of focusing on a list of things that MUST be done, I am living my life with thoughtfulness. and purpose. I have discovered that less can really be more not only for me, but for the people in my life as well. I focus my attention on things that really matter – my joy, my achievement of excellence, and what I contribute to other people.

It is as if my brain was a computer that had too many programs running at one time, and needed a reboot. The time when I was so depressed, and did nothing was the period of time when the computer was shut down. Now the computer is back up – fewer programs running, and in better shape. With less tasks for the computer to do, it is more stable, and efficient than it had been before.

At the end of everyday I ask myself a few questions to ensure I stay on the track of a life lived with thoughtfulness: