Feeling lonely is awful. I think it is even worse when we are around people and still feel as if we are alone. Usually, it is not the fault of the people around us that we feel that way. Most of the time we are the ones responsible for it. It occurs because of mental and emotional walls we have put up. While we may believe that we have a good reason for creating those walls, it does not take away the loneliness they create.
Often we erect our mental and emotional walls to protect ourselves. We may have started the habit with the best of intentions and in the beginning only used our psychological barriers with certain people. However, we quickly figure out how easy it is to do this any time we feel we are in a situation where we might feel uncomfortable. Eventually, this habit feels so comfortable that we spend all of our time behind our walls. Not only does this prevent people from entering our lives, it prevents us from entering theirs. Leaving us alone behind our walls. What started off as a form of protection, becomes our prison.
Since we are the ones responsible for our loneliness, we have to be the ones responsible for making that feeling go away. That means letting go of the barriers that are keeping us emotionally separated from other people. This is a scary process. Not only are we getting rid of something that has become comfortable to us, we are also allowing ourselves to become vulnerable for the first time in a long while. Fortunately, there are things we can do to make this process a bit easier.
1. Acknowledge what feelings you might be trying to hide. Figure out the origin of those feelings. If they are the result of what someone did to you, are you still angry about it? Letting go of anger is difficult, but it is an important part of breaking down our emotional walls. You can talk about them with someone, or write them out.
2. Be honest with yourself and with other people. If someone asks you how you are doing and you say fine, when you really are not, then you are not being honest. You are also denying someone the opportunity to provide you with support.
3. Trust yourself and other people. For people to earn your trust you have to give them a chance. Trust yourself to know who the right people to place your trust in.
4. Take a few chances. Step out from behind your wall – step out of your comfort zone. You will find that if you can push your limits here and there that you will enjoy life more. The more positive experiences you have when you are not behind your emotional wall, the easier it becomes to resist the urge to put it back up.
5. Be patient with yourself. You did have a good reason to create your wall, and you have lived with it for years. It will take some time before you feel comfortable taking it down completely. Think of each baby step you take as you removing another brick or two from your wall.
I have found that as I have let my own emotional walls down, I get a great deal more enjoyment out of life. Being honest about my feelings and my needs has made me feel as if I have to protect myself less than I used to. I am less stressed because I am not always on the look out for who I have to protect myself from. It also has allowed me to create a different type of social network than I used to have, one that is more positive and encouraging.
3 Comments on Letting Go Of Loneliness
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Very well said! It takes a long time to put up a wall, and it may tke a while to break it down. But you are so right…Honesty is the best policy! If you are not fine, don't pretend you are! That ostracizes people as much as anything, because they may believe you!
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