When my birthmother found out that she was pregnant she was already in a situation where sheknew in her heart that raising two children would be next to impossible. At thetime of my birth my full-biological sister was 6-years-old old my biologicalfather was 58 while by birth-mother was 28! Yes, you read correct a 30 year agedifference!
At a couplemonths old I was adopted into an amazing family and would never want things togo otherwise, for, now that I have met biological family if I had stayed with themI would have lacked an opportunityfor a bright future.
From as young aspre-school age my parents explained adoption and it made me feel special andchosen. It was never a shameful experience, nor was it to be hidden. I do notlook a lot like my family as I am tri-racial and was adopted into aEnglish/French Canadian family thus when my hair finally came in, my mixedheritage became evident. The hardest part of being adopted was the fact that Idid not have anybody to resemble.
I majored inHistory with a focus in Latin American and African American History. In myheart I have always felt that I must hold some genetic ties to black ancestry,however, did not have any proof of it, as being adopted prevents one fromknowing themselves!
My father alwaysinformed me of a file I could access when I felt ready, I was never interestedin seeing this file, and only took an interest during emotional points in mylife. Being a great parent, my father did not allow me to see the file when Iasked for it during an emotional moment, but rather explained when the time isright I will know.
For me, thistime did not come until two years ago when I entered into a steady relationshipwith my current boyfriend. For the first time, I felt stable and supported, Iknew that my family and partner would have my back and guide me through theemotional journey I was about to embark on. When the records in Ontario openedin June 2009 I applied right away and received non-identifying information.From this information I conducted a personal hunt for my biological family withno success.
The following year I hired an investigator whomsuggested I search the census at the local library, from this information Iconfirmed that my biological mother resided at the residence stated on thenon-identifying information, then I hit a brick wall!
I decided to usemy university skills and conduct my own search; I made posters and called my bestfriend to meet me at the local library for the following day. That night, I haddreams all night of what my biological mother looked like, her house, theneighbourhood etc. The next morning I drove (2) hrs to my home town and onroute I got a weird sensation and decided to detour to the area in which it isbelieved she resided in 1986. When I was driving around I came across a housethat looked very similar to the one in my dream, and to my astonishment thesurrounding area was identical to my vision the previous night.
I pulled over,and decided to simply knock on the door. When I did a man answered and I askedfor the name of my biological mother, he said one moment please and called her.I got weak in the knees, felt as if I was going to pass out. She came to thedoor and it was as if I was looking into my own eyes (we have the same eyes)she said my biological name, and I said “Mom?” and we cried. After we bothcalmed down we looked over information to prove it was really each other, andfrom then on its history.
She called mysister who drove down from the area in which I currently reside (we live 25minapart!) and I met her. I found out that I have two grown half sisters (in 40’s)as well as a half brother. My half siblings were not happy about the situation,nor was my biological father and as a result I am unwelcome in their lives,which I am still learning to accept.
As of current, Ihold an on-off relationship with my 30 year old full sister and a telephonebased relationship with my biological mother. From this situation I havelearned my true identity French-Canadian, Italian, African. Most importantlyfrom this situation I grew an even stronger appreciation for my adoptivefamily, my step-mother and those who’ve I have met along the way that haveshaped me into the young lady I am today. For without them, and without theright for freedom of choice, my life could have drastically altered.
For birthmothers out there reading this, just know in your heart that everyone has alife path and your decisions allowed someone else to add a child to their lifepath, and one day if its meant to be you will once again have your child backand hopefully (like myself) they will be forever appreciative of your harddecision.
Rebecca
25-YRold adoptee, reunited 7 months ago!
2 Comments on “Rebecca’s Story”
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I've enjoyed reading your blog and I'm your newest follower from Thursdays cup of Joe.. I'd love a follow back when you get a chance 🙂
http://life-with-two-boys.blogspot.com/
I just want to cry every time I read one of these stories. Mine is a bit different than the "average" birth parent story but it is so hard… most people don't realize that. Thank you for this blog.