Monday totally sucked ass!!!! It was a long busy day already and then I just had to go and make it even longer by not paying attention and wrecking my car! It totally sucked ass that is for sure. I hope that I never do that again but God only knows with me anymore. I think the MS is getting to the point that I shouldn’t be driving at all. I am in a lot of pain in my back. I wish all the pain would just go away but now that I re-injured it I doubt it will ever go away. I am always going to in pain and one day I will just get used to it! I am really thankful that I have Misti in my life because she dropped everything and came to be with me. She wouldn’t even leave until she knew that I was ok and that people were there to take me where I needed to go. I am going to be interested to see how much damage I really did. I am not to worried about it though. My baby is in good hands and they will take good care of her for me! She will come out all pretty again. This is a short post but I can’t really think of anything else to say for now. I will leave the Josh story for a later date!
LONG WEEK SO FAR
Well it is finally Wednesday!!! It seems like it has taken forever for it to get here that is for sure. I haven’t even played my game the last two nights! I know something must be wrong with me. I always play my game and watch Heroes. Oh well guess I will do that tonight. I have to start working on Misti’s Christmas and Birthday present. I can’t believe it is almost our birthdays again. We want to do something but we aren’t sure what we wanna do yet. Anyone have any ideas for us?????? We want to do something combined because her birthday is on the 22nd and mine is the 26th. Hard to believe that we have such close birthdays and we are as close as we are. She wrote me a letter yesterday and said things to me that I have forgotten about myself. It is amazing that you forget things or think that you aren’t something but other people see you as that. Like being a strong person. I don’t see myself and strong at all and yet Misti says she looks up to me because I am so strong. I don’t see myself as strong at all. I think I am to stubborn to let the world win so I do anything to not let them win. People that really know me know that I hate to lose and I hate people to be right about me. I will almost anything to make sure I am always right and I love proving people wrong!
WILD WEEK
WELL IT HAS BEEN A WILD WEEK TO SAY THE LEAST. I AM SO GLAD THAT THE WEEK IS OVER AND I AM HOPING THIS WEEK WON’T BE AS EVENTFUL AS LAST WEEK WAS. IT JUST SEEMED LIKE IT WAS THINGS AFTER ANOTHER. I HATE WHEN I HAVE WEEKS LIKE THAT. IT SEEMS LIKE IT TAKES ALL YEAR TO GET THROUGH 5 DAYS. I ALSO AM REALLY STRUGGLING WITH BEING HAPPY. I KNOW I AM DEPRESSED BECAUSE I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW. IT IS SO HARD TO FEEL LIKE THIS AND STILL TRY AND FUNCTION AND TO HIDE IT FROM EVERYONE. I KNOW MISTI NEEDS ME RIGHT NOW AND I AM TRYING TO BE THERE FOR HER. I JUST HOPE THAT I AM DOING A GOOD JOB AT RIGHT NOW. I AM SURE TRYING HARD BUT I DON’T KNOW IF I AM DOING ALL THAT I CAN DO FOR HER. I KNOW THAT I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS FUNK THAT IS FOR SURE.
I FEEL SO BAD FOR MISTI. I WISH I KNEW WHAT TO DO TO HELP HER OUT. I AM NOT GOING TO BLOG ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IT ISN’T MY PLACE AND IT ALSO IS MY NEWS TO TELL. I JUST HOPE THAT SHE REALIZES THAT SHE DESERVES BETTER THAN WHAT SHE IS GETTING. I KNOW THAT SHE KNOWS THIS BUT I ALSO KNOW HOW MUCH SHE LOVES HIM. I KILLS ME TO SEE HER STRUGGLE LIKE SHE HAS BEEN STRUGGLING THIS LAST WEEK. I KNOW IF SHE JUST GIVES IT TIME THE PAIN WILL PASS. I JUST HOPE SHE CAN STICK IT OUT UNTIL THE TIME DOES HEAL IT.
I HAVE BEEN WORKING OUT AT LEAST 3 TIMES A WEEK AND I STILL AM NOT GETTING ANYWHERE! I AM SURE GETTING TIRED OF IT THAT IS FOR SURE. I HAVE FINALLY CUT OUT SODAS AND CHIPS. I KNOW DON’T HAVE MUCH THAT I LIKE TO EAT BUT IT IS TIME TO BECOME HEALTH AGAIN AND WORK ON MY WEIGHT. I AM HOPING THAT BY CUTTING OUT THE SODAS I WILL BE ABLE TO START TO LOSE WEIGHT. WE WILL SEE BUT I AM HOLDING OUT HOPE THAT I AM ON THE RIGHT TRACK AND IT WILL START TO COME OFF SOON. I AM GOING TO THE GYM IN THE MORNING AND I AM GOING TO TRY AND GO TO THE GYM 4 TO 5 TIMES A WEEK FROM NOW ON. I HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH THE CARDIO CINAMA THOUGH. IT IS SO MUCH COOLER AND LESS STRESSFUL FOR ME. I KNOW THAT THE PEOPLE IN THERE ARE WATCHING THE MOVIE AND NOT STARING AT ME. SO IT IS SO MUCH NICER FOR ME. I AM GOING TO TRY AND TALKING MISTI INTO GETTING A GYM PASS WITH ME SO THAT I DON’T HAVE TO GO ALONE ANYMORE.
I PLAYED THE SIMS 3 ALMOST ALL DAY LONG. BEFORE I COULD SAVE ALL THE PROGRESS THAT I MADE THE LAP TOP SHUT OFF! I WAS SO PISSED OFF. WHEN I TURNED IT BACK ON I HAD TO RESTART AND RE-DUE ALL THE STUFF THAT I HAD WORKED ON ALL DAY LONG! IT IS SURE ALOT OF TIME TO RE-DUE IT ALL BUT I DID IT AGAIN AND THIS TIME I SAVED IT EVERY HALF HOUR SO THAT IF IT DID THAT AGAIN I WOULDN’T LOSE AS MUCH. THE FAMILY THAT I AM PLAYING NOW JUST HAD TWIN BOYS SO NOW THE HAVE 4 KIDS! I CAN’T FIGURE OUT WHY IT IS SO ADDICTING FOR ME. I WISH I KNEW CAUSE I AM SURE THAT I WILL PLAY IT MOST OF THE DAY TOMORROW AS WELL/
JOSH AND I ARE GETTING ALONG WILL WELL. I THINK HE REALLY HAS CHANGED AND IF HE HAS I KNOW WITH OUT A DOUBT THAT THIS MARRIAGE WILL WORK OUT. I KNOW THAT BEING MARRIED ISN’T EASY AND THAT WE HAVE IT HARDER BECAUSE OF HIS JOB. I AM WILLING TO PUT IN THE WORK THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE AND I GET THE FEELING THAT HE IS AS WELL. IT IS NICE TO NOT FIGHT ALL THE TIME LIKE WE USED TO. I FEEL LIKE THE JOSH THAT I MET AND FELL IN LOVE IS BACK AND THAT IS A REALLY GOOD THING. I HOPE HE STAYS THE WAY HE IS NOW AND NEVER GOES BACK TO HOW HE WAS TOWARDS THE END OF THINGS.
THE GIRLS ARE LOVING LIFE. IT IS ALWAYS NICE TO SEE THEM HAPPY AND CONTENT IN WHATEVER THEY DO. THEY ARE LOVING THE WEATHER AND THEY LOVE TO BE OUTSIDE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. I THINK THIS WINTER IS GOING TO BE QUITE A SHOCK TO THEM. THEY ARE GOING TO MISS GOING OUT AT NIGHT AND DURING THEY DAY. THEY ALSO ARE GOING TO HAVE TO USE THE LITTER BOXES AGAIN AND I AM SURE THAT IT WILL PISS THEM OFF. THEY HATE USING THEM NOW THAT THEY REALIZE THAT THEY CAN GO OUTSIDE IN THE DIRT. OH WELL THEY WILL GET USED TO IT THAT IS FOR SURE.
SORRY THAT THIS POST IS SO LONG BUT IT IS HARD FOR ME UPDATE IT DURING THE WEEK SO I TRY AND DO IT ON THE WEEKENDS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. I HOPE EVERYONE HAD A GREAT WEEK AND HAS A GREAT SUNDAY!
MISTI
WELL MISTI AND I WENT TO DINNER TONIGHT AND LIKE I SAID EARLIER WE FIGURED IT ALL OUT LIKE WE ALWAYS DO. I THINK WHEN SHE GOT HOME AND READ THE LETTER THAT I WROTE SHE GOT ALOT OF THINGS ABOUT ME AND COULD TELL I WAS SORRY FOR EVERYTHING BUT THIS IS HOW I AM AND I WON’T CHANGE ME! I KNOW PARTS OF ME HAVE TO CHANGE AND I AM WILLING TO CHANGE THOSE PARTS BUT THERE ARE OTHER PARTS THAT ARE JUST ME AND I CAN’T AND WON’T CHANGE. WE JUST NEEDS A FEW DAYS TO CALM DOWN AND THINK ABOUT THINGS AND WE BOTH ALWAYS COME TO OUR SENSE AND SEE WHAT WE DID WRONG. I KNOW SHE IS REALLY STRUGGLING NOW AND I WANT HER TO KNOW THAT THE DAYS SHE NEEDS A SHOULDER TO CRY ON OR SOMEONE TO VENT TOO ALL SHE HAS TO DO IS SAY SO. I WILL BE THERE. RIGHT NOW I AM IN A SPOT WHERE I KNOW THAT I HELP HER. FOR ONCE WE AREN’T GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING. OR AT LEAST WE AREN’T RIGHT NOW. I KNOW THIS WEEKEND WILL BE HARD FOR HER AND I WANT HER TO KNOW THAT IF SHE WANTS TO HANG WITH ME JOSH AND HIS STUDENT SHE IS MORE THAN WELCOME TOO.
REMEMBER MISTI TIME WILL HEAL IT AND I AM HERE FOR YOU NO MATTER THE TIME OR PLACE! WE WILL ALWAYS FIGHT CAUSE WE ARE SO CLOSE BUT IN THE END WE ALWAYS COME BACK TO EACH OTHER AND NOTHING WILL CHANGE ABOUT THAT!
MANIC MONDAY
WELL IT IS MONDAY MORNING AND I WISH THAT IT WAS THE WEEKEND AGAIN. SO I RENTED THE MOVIE THE “KNOWING” AND I AM STILL NOT SURE HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT. IT WAS DEFINITELY A VERY WEIRD MOVIE. ANYWAYS OTHER THAN THAT MY WEEKEND SUCKED. AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THE PICTURES MY INFUSION THAT I HAD ON FRIDAY LEFT ME WITH A BIG BRUISE. I USUALLY LOVE BRUISE’S THAT I GET BUT THIS ONE IS SO BIG AND NOTICEABLE THAT IT IS STARTING TO SUCK, BUT IT COMES WITH THE TERRITORY I GUESS. THIS ONE MAKES IT LOOK LIKE I SHOOT UP DRUGS AND WHAT NOT. GUESS IF PEOPLE ASK I SHOULD TELL THEM IT IS BECAUSE OF DRUGS LOL. THEIR REACTIONS WOULD BE PRICELESS. ANYWAYS OTHER THAN MISTI AND I FIGHTING NOTHING ELSE HAS REALLY HAPPENED. IT HAS BEEN A PRETTY LAID BACK WEEKEND.
MISTI AND I FOUGHT BUT I AM SURE IN TIME THINGS WILL GET BETTER FOR US. WE JUST SEEM TO HAVE A CYCLE . WE DO GOOD FOR A WHILE AND THEN SOMETHING HAPPENS AND ONE OF US BLOWS IT OUT OUT OF PROPORTION AND WE SAY THINGS WE WILL REGRET AND THEN A FEW DAYS LATER WE TALK IT OUT AND ARE OK AGAIN. WELL I HOPE THAT IS HOW IT WORKS THIS TIME. I AM GOING TO DINNER WITH HER TONIGHT AND WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THINGS. I KNOW THAT SHE KNOWS I WILL ALWAYS CARE ABOUT HER AND BE THERE IF SHE NEEDS ME.
MY LITTLE BROTHER AND LACHELLE ARE UP AND DOWN LIKE USUAL. THEY DO WELL FOR A FEW DAYS AND THEN SHIT HITS THE FAN AGAIN. OH WELL MAYBE ONE DAY WILL GET IT FIGURED OUT AND MAYBE NOT BUT I CAN’T WORRY ABOUT IT. I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT MY LIFE AND MY RELASIONSHIP WITH JOSH.
JOSH WILL BE HOME THIS WEEKEND AND THAT IS ALWAYS EXCITING. HE WILL BE HERE FOR THE FAMILY REUNION SO THAT SHOULD BE INTERESTING. I AM SURE HE WILL BE ALL SORTS OF CONFUSED AT IT. HELL I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO PEOPLE ARE IN MY FAMILY. I HAVE NO WAY OF TELLING HIM WHO THEY ARE. OH WELL I WILL JUST WING IT OR ASK GRANDMA WHO THEY ARE.
THRILLING TUESDAY!
WELL IT IS TUESDAY MORNING AND I AM READY FOR THIS DAY TO BE OVER SO I CAN TO BED. I AM SUPER TIRED TODAY. I AM SURE THIS AFTERNOON WILL DRAG BECAUSE I AM SO TIRED AND I DON’T HAVE MUCH WORK TO DO THIS AFTERNOON. IT IS TIME TO FIND WORK TO DO THIS AFTERNOON SO THAT I DON’T FALL ASLEEP IN MY CHAIR! I SHOULDN’T HAVE BOUGHT SUCH A COMFORTABLE CHAIR FOR WORK. NOW ALL I WANT TO DO IS SLEEP AND RELAX IN IT. OH WELL GUESS I JUST HAVE TO SIT UP AND TRY TO STAY AWAKE. SLEEPING ON THE JOB JUST WON’T WORK SINCE I ANSWER THE PHONES. I AM SURE SLEEPING WOULD GET ME YELLED AT AND GETTING YELLED AT WHEN WE ARE THIS SLOW ISN’T GOOD BECAUSE I CAN’T AFFORD TO LOSE MY JOB RIGHT NOW OR EVER FOR THAT MATTER.
LAST NIGHT ELINORE WAS OUTSIDE AND A CAT CAME INTO THE YARD THAT LOOKED SO MUCH LIKE MUSHIE THAT I HAD TO DO A DOUBLE TAKE. ANYWAYS ELINORE GOT AS BIG AS SHE COULD GET AND WENT TO ATTACK THE CAT BUT HE IS A MEAN TOM CAT AND SHE ALMOST GOT HURT! I WAS SO MAD AT THE OTHER CAT AND IT SHOWS THAT I CAN’T GET ANYMORE CATS CAUSE ELINORE WON’T ALLOW THEM TO COME IN HER WORLDS. I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW TERRITORIAL SHE HAS GOTTEN OVER THE LAST YEAR. I THINK SHE ONLY LET SYLVIA IN BECAUSE ELINORE WAS STILL YOUNG BUT NOW SHE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH OTHER CATS. SHE WILL GET IN A FIGHT WITH JUST ABOUT EVERY OTHER CAT THAT COMES IN THE YARD. THIS IS ONLY GOING TO TURN OUT BAD BECAUSE SHE IS GOING TO END UP HURT AND THAT IS GOING TO COST ME MONEY TO TAKE HER TO THE VET AND GET HER PATCHED UP. I HAVE DECIDED THAT AFTER THESE CATS ARE GONE I DONE WITH HAVING ANIMALS. THEY ARE TO EXPENSIVE.
JOSH MIGHT BE HERE TONIGHT BUT I AM NOT SURE YET. IT IS ALWAYS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT I WON’T PLAN ON CAUSE HALF THE TIME HE DOESN’T HAVE TIME TO STOP AND SEE ME. HE IS GOING TO TAKE TIME OFF THE WEEKEND OF THE 24TH WHICH WILL BE NICE BECAUSE HE WILL BE HERE FOR MY FAMILY REUNION AND I HAVE THE 24TH OFF. SO IF HE IS HERE ON FRIDAY IT IS ONE MORE DAY I WILL GET TO SPEND WITH HIM. WE WILL SEE WHEN IT MAKES INTO TOWN THOUGH. YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN HE WILL BE HERE. IT ISN’T HIM THOUGH IT IS HIS JOBS FAULT MOST OF THE TIME. HE TRIES TO GET HERE WHEN HE SAYS HE WILL BE BUT AT TIMES HIS JOB DOESN’T MAKE THAT POSSIBLE.
MISTI IS STRUGGLING AGAIN AND I WISH THAT I COULD HELP HER THROUGH THE PAIN BUT I CAN’T. IF I COULD TAKE IT FROM HER I WOULD. I HAVE STARTED TO WONDER WHY GOOD PEOPLE HAVE TO SUFFER SO MUCH AND PEOPLE THAT AREN’T GOOD NEVER SEEM TO SUFFER. I AM SURE THEY DO SUFFER FROM TIME TO TIME BUT MORE THAN NOT YOU ONLY SEE GOOD PEOPLE HURTING AND SUFFERING. I HAVE ALSO WONDER WHAT MAKES MEN SAY AND DO SOME OF THE THINGS THAT THEY DO TO HURT US. I KNOW WOMEN AREN’T PERFECT BUT WHY DO MEN HAVE TO MAKE US HURT SO MUCH AT TIMES. I ALSO HATE HOW THEY TURN THINGS ON US WHEN THEY ARE THE ONES THAT HAVE SCREWED UP. I GUESS MEN WILL ALWAYS KEEP US WONDERING ON WHAT GOES ON IN THEIR HEADS. ANYWAYS I JUST HOPE MISTI SEES THAT SHE IS BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM ALWAYS PUTTING HER DOWN AND TREATING HER LIKE HE DID. I KNOW THAT IT DOESN’T MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY OR EVEN LESSEN IT BUT IN TIME THE PAIN WILL GO AWAY AND YOU WILL WONDER WHY YOU STUCK AROUND AS LONG AS YOU DID. JUST KNOW I AM ALWAYS AROUND IF YOU NEED ME! DON’T BE AFRAID TO CALL OR TEXT ME!
