Saying Goodbye. . .

February 16, 2016

If you missed yesterday’s post, you would know that on the 29th of January I had to put down Alley Cat. She has been sick for the past couple of years and if you want to know more about that you can click here to go and read that post. I have to know for years that at some point I would have to say goodbye to her, and I knew it would be hard, but I was in no way prepared for how hard it was.

Because of how people acted towards her at the end of her life I refused to let anyone else come with me. It was just her and I and now knowing how it all would turn out I think I made the right choice. They had to give her 3 or 4 shots because she pulled out her first IV, so it didn’t work. Let’s just say that there was nothing humane about the process.

It was supposed to take a few minutes to work, and it took over 30 minutes to finally take effect. I sit here now thinking about it all and I can’t help but smile because her whole life she had to fight to stay alive and she gave them a damn good fight at the end. I wish it would have worked right away, but it wouldn’t have been Alley Cat if she gave in easy. I know she was sick, and it was the right thing to do, but I feel like I failed her because there is no way that it was painless, and it wasn’t short like they claimed it would be. I am now left wondering how much she felt and what her last moments were truly like.

The real reason I wanted to talk about this today is that it brought back so many of the emotions I felt when I placed my daughter for adoption, and I wasn’t prepared for that. I have always said the Alley was my “replacement” baby so instead of getting pregnant shortly after placing my daughter for adoption I went and adopted Alley. I feel like I just placed my daughter a few days ago, and that is one thing I never wanted to feel again. It is hard to be brought back right to place I was at 10+ years ago because at this point I would have thought that there was no way I could feel these emotions as strongly as I did then and yet here we are.

In the end, I hope that I don’t have to feel like this for too long because it truly sucks. I know I will survive this because if I could get through it the first time than I know for sure, I will get through it this time as well. I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other one and keep going. I know that it will pass, and I will have good days and bad days but in time, the good days will start to outnumber the bad days. I will never forget her or my daughter but as time passes you do think of them less and less.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross – Quote Of The Week

February 15, 2016

This week’s quote is by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.

I chose this quote because on January 29th I had to put Alley Cat down. For those of you who are new and don’t know who Alley Cat is here is the last picture I took of her.

I have a post coming up tomorrow talking more about the entire situation and how having to put Alley down brought back all of the feelings I had when I placed my daughter for adoption over ten years ago. I am just going to leave this post alone, and I will write more about my thoughts and feelings on tomorrow’s post.

What do you think of this week’s quote by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross?

Joy

December 24, 2014

I am not sure where I saw this topic but since it is the week of Christmas I thought it was a great time to write this post and get it posted. The topic is: List the top 9 things that bring you joy. So lets get on to the list.

The first thing that came to mind was my nephew Brycen. We watch him on the weekends and he always makes me smile.
My cats are the next things that bring me joy. You never know what cats are going to do so it is always a good time watching them. It is fun that Brycen now tries to play with them and if he didn’t scream when he gets excited I think they would play even more together.
My grandma always brings me joy because she is always saying or doing things that make me laugh.
Books. Do I really need to explain this one???
Blogging brings me joy because it always me to share books and other things that I love. It is also my way of connecting with the outside world.
The fact that I have a job makes me happy-Not because I love my job but because I am lucky to have one in today’s society.
The few friends I do have make me happy because they always make me smile and they aren’t high maintenance like other friends I have had.
The great winter weather we have had so far. Now I know we will be hurting next summer for water since we have hardly had any snow but I don’t miss having to drive in it during rush hour.
That this year is almost over and a new year will start next week.

So those are 9 things that bring me joy. What is bringing you joy this year?

The Cubs-An Update

December 17, 2014

I don’t know the last time I have done an update on the cubs so since I am trying to have a post each day in November I figured now was a good time to write one. Alley Cat aka Elinore is also sick and I am not sure how long she will be around so I figured I should write down some memories of her because after she is gone I know I won’t be able to write about her without crying. If you are new here and haven’t read what I wrote about them before you can click here and check that out. Anyway lets get on to the updates on the girls.

* As I reading this post I realized that I may not have talked about Brycen before on here so if I haven’t he is my brothers son who just turned one.

Elinore

Like I said before Elinore aka Alley Cat is sick. We aren’t 100% sure what is wrong with her because I don’t have money to really do the testing to find out what is going on with her. The vet thinks it is probably inflammatory bowel disease and/or cancer. So all we are really doing to treat her is give her cortisone shots about once a month. Once those stop working though we will have to put her down. Alley also doesn’t mind being around Brycen which is crazy because most cats don’t like little kids. She will let him pet her and things like that.

Sylvia

Not much is really going on with Sylvia right now which is a good thing because I don’t think I could handle both of them being sick at the same time and having even more vet bills to pay right now. Sylvia hates Brycen around her. She just avoids him and if she does get caught by him she will just growl & hiss at him. She hasn’t ever tried to hurt him so we don’t have to worry about that with him. I don’t have any recent pictures of Sylvia so I am going to try and take one tonight when I get home from work so I can post it here.

Not The Updated I Expected

November 21, 2014

So this post was going to be an update on my cats because I haven’t written anything about them in years but I didn’t feel right considering what happened on Monday. I don’t know that I have ever posted about my grandparents cat name Vinnie on here but he was another black & white kitty like my Alley Cat is. He was older than she is but he has had a tough life as well. He was shot at one point and has been kicked & stomped on among other things.

Anyway we had to put him down on Monday night and even though he wasn’t my cat I still did love him. I grew up with him so it was hard to put him down. Because of that I don’t feel up to writing a update on my cats right now. Alley does have some health problems going on so I will write the update soon but right now just didn’t seem like the right time. Instead I am going to post a few pictures of him and leave it at the for this week. I also have a video of him that I am going to post as well.

No Kids

January 7, 2014

My brother and his girlfriend had a baby at the end of November. I wondered how it would make me feel when there was a baby around. His girlfriend went back to work this past weekend and I was shocked to see that it wasn’t sad for me to have baby around. In fact having a baby around made me realize that I am 100% right when I tell people I don’t want kids.

When I tell people that I don’t want kids they always tell me that I will change my mind and things will change when I fall in love but I can honestly say I have no desire to have kids. The baby is a good baby I just don’t have the patience or even want to find the patience to deal with kids.

I realized that I am selfish person and to be honest I am 100% okay with that. I have to wonder how many women feel like I do but because people in this country expect you to have children so you never hear about it. I also wonder if there would be less child abuse if women weren’t made to feel like they have to have children.

As most of you are aware I did have a daughter when I was 20 that I placed for adoption. I now look at the situation and I am so grateful that I placed her because I am not cut out to be a mother to children. I love my daughter more than anything but I don’t have the patience to deal with children. I love to do my own things and be able to do what I want to do when I want to do it. I believe this is also part of the reason that I am okay being single and not looking for people to date.

Anyway I guess I want women out there to know that it is okay if you don’t want children and to not let the world make you feel pressured into having them! It is okay to say “No Kids”!