WELL IT IS MONDAY MORNING AND I HAD A HARD WEEKEND. THE MS IS GETTING REALLY BAD LATELY AND IT IS GETTING HARDER TO FUNCTION AND DO WHAT USUALLY DO. SO ON SATURDAY AFTERNOON MY GRANDMA HAD MADE A LOT OF SOUP FOR MY LITTLE BROTHERS DRILL. SHE GAVE ME SOME AND I WAS CARRYING IT NOT SURE WHERE I WAS GOING OR WHAT I WAS DOING BUT I DROPPED IT ALL OVER THE KITCHEN FLOOR. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW ME YOU KNOW THAT THINGS LIKE THAT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I AM A RETARD. EVEN THOUGH I KNOW IT IS THE DISEASE IT STILL MAKES ME SAD AND DEPRESSED. AFTER I GOT THAT ALL CLEANED UP I DECIDED THAT I DIDN’T WANNA EAT ANYTHING AT ALL. I FINALLY DID EAT BUT NOT TIL LATER AFTER I WAS FORCED TOO.
AS FOR JOSH I THINK WE ARE GOING TO BE OK AT LEAST FOR NOW. ON FRIDAY NIGHT HE WENT OVER TO HIS COUSINS HOUSE AND I DIDN’T CARE AT ALL. BEFORE I WOULD HAVE FREAKED OUT AND BEEN SO MAD AT HIM, BUT THIS TIME I WAS LIKE COOL ENJOY YOUR TIME. HE WAS SHOCKED THAT I WASN’T MAD AND THAT I AM CHANGING. IT MAYBE A SLOW PROCESS BUT I AM CHANGING AND I KNOW I CAN AND WILL CHANGE MORE.
I HAVE MY APPOINTMENT WITH THE NEUROLOGIST ON WEDNESDAY. I AM SCARED FOR THAT. I REALLY DON’T KNOW THAT I WANNA KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME AND I DON’T WANNA KNOW THAT THE DISEASE HAS GOTTEN WORSE. I CAN TELL IT IS WORSE AND I DON’T NEED A TEST TO TELL ME THAT. I ALSO DON’T KNOW THAT I HAVE THE MONEY TO DO THE TREATMENTS. SO I MAY BE DOING NOTHING ABOUT IT. WHO KNOWS WE WILL SEE WHAT THEY SAY ON WEDNESDAY.
