WELL ANOTHER DAY HAS COME AND GONE AND I STILL FEEL LIKE OLD HABITS ARE COMING BACK. IT WAS ALL I COULD DO THIS MORNING TO NOT LET IT HAPPEN. I KNOW I AM TRYING MY HARDEST BUT I FEEL I WILL SLIP UP. I TRY SO HARD BUT MAYBE THIS IS SOMETHING THAT WILL GET THE BEST OF ME. MAYBE I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO FIGHT IT THIS TIME. I HAVE NEVER FELT THE URGE THIS BAD BEFORE. I HOPE I MAKE IT THROUGH THIS BUT I CAN’T SAY FOR SURE THAT I WILL.
I AM GETTING SICKER EVERYDAY AND SMALL THING ARE GETTING HARDER AND HARDER TO DO. I KEEP TRYING BUT DON’T KNOW THAT I WILL BE ABLE TO WORK FOREVER. THINGS ARE ALMOST GETTING TO HARD TO DO ANYMORE. TYPING IS ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS FOR ME TO DO AND IT IS MUCH OF MY JOB THAT ALL I CAN DO IS MY BEST AND HOPE THAT I CAN KEEP IT UP FOR AWHILE. IF NOT THEN I GUESS I GET TO CLAIM DISABILITY OR TRY AND GET DISABILITY. BUT WHY WORRY ABOUT IT WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN WILL HAPPEN AND WORRYING WONT CHANGE THAT. SO ALL I CAN DO IS TRY EACH DAY AND HOPE IT IS GOOD ENOUGH TO GET BY. I KNOW ONE DAY WORKING WON’T HAPPEN ANYMORE BUT ALL I CAN DO IS TRY AND GET BY AND HOPE FOR THE BEST.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON WITH JOSH AND I. IT IS DAY TO DAY ANYMORE. I WISH HE COULD SEE I AM CHANGING BUT I DON’T THINK HE DOES. HE HAS MADE ME NOT BE BITCHY AT ALL TOWARDS HIM CAUSE I KNOW HE WILL SAY SEE YOU AREN’T CHANGING. I ALSO AM TIRED OF ASKING FOR MONEY. IF HE DOESN’T OFFER ANY THEN I GUESS I AM JUST GOING TO GO WITH OUT. HE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I AM IN HIGH SCHOOL ASKING A PARENT FOR MONEY. IT IS A JOKE. I THINK AT SOME POINT HE NEEDS TO STEP UP AND JUST GIVE IT TO ME WITH OUT ME HAVING TO ASK ALLTHE TIME. IT ISN’T LIKE I AM NOT WORKING. I AM WORKING AS HARD AS I CAN AND STILL NOT MAKING IT MONTH TO MONTH. HE THEN HAS TO PROCEED TO TELL ME HOW BIG HIS CHECKS ARE LIKE HE IS TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD. I DON’T THINK HE GETS THAT I REALLY AM TOTALLY BROKE. HE JUST ASSUMES I ALWAYS HAVE MONEY. OH WELL. . .
