I try to keep my rants off of this blog but I think people that have MS need to see that some days having this disease totally sucks!  I don’t want people to think that because I tend to not post about those days that they don’t exist.  Right now I am struggling because I have to except how I am feeling as the new normal and I don’t want to.  No one wants to know that this is as good as it gets.  I am at the point right now where I need to except it and I don’t want to.  I want to tell the disease to go fly a kite and go away.  I am 25 years old and I don’t want to be dealing with this disease!!!!!  I have knowing that this disease takes so much away from people who have it.  I look at others with the disease and get mad at myself because the are worse off than I am and yet I am still bitching and pissed off because of how I feel.  I know I should be grateful that I am not more disabled but instead I am pissed off that I have to deal with this disease at all.  I was doing so well at staying positive with how things are going and now I am back to when I got diagnosed and not dealing well with it all.  I want to bury my head in the sand and just ignore it but I also know that I can’t do that.  Part of this I am sure is just being 25 and being to damn stubborn for my own good.  I will never totally except this disease!  I know I can’t give up on treatment since it working but hell I am tired of going once a month and having it done.  I am tired of worrying about PML and the disease getting worse.  I am tired of people hearing about my diagnoses and being scared to date me or even talk to me.  I mean good hell it isn’t going to kill them hell it might not even kill me.  I am tired of all the crap that comes along with this damn disease.  I am so tired of being in pain and my doctor not giving me what I need to deal with the pain.  I am tired of being on all the medications that I am on to treat how the MS has made me feel.  I guess it boils down to the fact that I am tired of the disease!

Okay I am going to leave it at that.  Hopefully get this out will help me move on from this point!