Furbabies – The World As I See It

If you missed yesterday’s post, you would know that on the 29th of January I had to put down Alley Cat. She has been sick for the past couple of years and if you want to know more about that you can click here to go and read that post. I have to know for years that at some point I would have to say goodbye to her, and I knew it would be hard, but I was in no way prepared for how hard it was.

Because of how people acted towards her at the end of her life I refused to let anyone else come with me. It was just her and I and now knowing how it all would turn out I think I made the right choice. They had to give her 3 or 4 shots because she pulled out her first IV, so it didn’t work. Let’s just say that there was nothing humane about the process.

It was supposed to take a few minutes to work, and it took over 30 minutes to finally take effect. I sit here now thinking about it all and I can’t help but smile because her whole life she had to fight to stay alive and she gave them a damn good fight at the end. I wish it would have worked right away, but it wouldn’t have been Alley Cat if she gave in easy. I know she was sick, and it was the right thing to do, but I feel like I failed her because there is no way that it was painless, and it wasn’t short like they claimed it would be. I am now left wondering how much she felt and what her last moments were truly like.

The real reason I wanted to talk about this today is that it brought back so many of the emotions I felt when I placed my daughter for adoption, and I wasn’t prepared for that. I have always said the Alley was my “replacement” baby so instead of getting pregnant shortly after placing my daughter for adoption I went and adopted Alley. I feel like I just placed my daughter a few days ago, and that is one thing I never wanted to feel again. It is hard to be brought back right to place I was at 10+ years ago because at this point I would have thought that there was no way I could feel these emotions as strongly as I did then and yet here we are.

In the end, I hope that I don’t have to feel like this for too long because it truly sucks. I know I will survive this because if I could get through it the first time than I know for sure, I will get through it this time as well. I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other one and keep going. I know that it will pass, and I will have good days and bad days but in time, the good days will start to outnumber the bad days. I will never forget her or my daughter but as time passes you do think of them less and less.

My brother and his girlfriend had a baby at the end of November. I wondered how it would make me feel when there was a baby around. His girlfriend went back to work this past weekend and I was shocked to see that it wasn’t sad for me to have baby around. In fact having a baby around made me realize that I am 100% right when I tell people I don’t want kids.

When I tell people that I don’t want kids they always tell me that I will change my mind and things will change when I fall in love but I can honestly say I have no desire to have kids. The baby is a good baby I just don’t have the patience or even want to find the patience to deal with kids.

I realized that I am selfish person and to be honest I am 100% okay with that. I have to wonder how many women feel like I do but because people in this country expect you to have children so you never hear about it. I also wonder if there would be less child abuse if women weren’t made to feel like they have to have children.

As most of you are aware I did have a daughter when I was 20 that I placed for adoption. I now look at the situation and I am so grateful that I placed her because I am not cut out to be a mother to children. I love my daughter more than anything but I don’t have the patience to deal with children. I love to do my own things and be able to do what I want to do when I want to do it. I believe this is also part of the reason that I am okay being single and not looking for people to date.

Anyway I guess I want women out there to know that it is okay if you don’t want children and to not let the world make you feel pressured into having them! It is okay to say “No Kids”!