Smile
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Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
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Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you’re in bed with a relative. |
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I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it
So I said “Implants?” She hit me. |
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How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?
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My favorite
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I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place!
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When I was young we used to go “skinny dipping,” now I just “chunky dunk.”
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Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
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Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press ‘Ctrl Alt Delete’ and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
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Why is it that our children can’t read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
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Wouldn’t you know it..
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever. |
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Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
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Bumper sticker of the year:
“If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it’s in English, thank a soldier” |
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And remember:
life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
