I AM SAD AGAIN AND I AM NOT SURE WHY I AM SO SAD. I JUST SEEM TO GET LOWER AND LOWER EVERYDAY. I AM TRYING TO STAY POSITIVE BUT I AM NOT DOING A GOOD JOB AT IT. I STILL WILL KEEP TRYING BUT I DON’T KNOW MUCH LONGER I CAN STAY THIS SAD. I AM NOT EVEN SURE WHAT I AM DEPRESSED ABOUT. IF I KNEW WHAT WAS MAKING ME SAD I AM SURE I COULD FIX IT BUT SINCE I CAN’T FIGURE IT OUT GUESS I AM STUCK BEING DEPRESSED. ONE DAY IT WILL GO AWAY I HOPE AND I HOPE THAT DAY COMES FAST. I DON’T KNOW THAT I HAVE EVER FELT THIS HOPELESS BEFORE. ALL I CAN DO IS STAY POSITIVE AND KNOW THAT ONE DAY THIS WILL PASS AND WHEN IT DOES PASS I WILL BE STRONGER BECAUSE OF IT. I KNOW IN TIME ALL THINGS WILL GET BETTER AND I WILL WAIT FOR THAT TIME TO COME. I AM SURE THE LONELINESS I AM FEELING WILL ALSO PASS IT MAY TAKE AWHILE BUT I KNOW IT WILL PASS. I AM FINDING MYSELF BEING AROUND ANYONE THAT WILL PAY ATTENTION TO ME. I AM NOT SURE WHY I AM DOING THIS NOW. I HAVE NEVER BEFORE CARED IF I HAD PEOPLE AROUND ME AND NOW ALL OF THE SUDDEN I NEVER WANT TO BE ALONE. MAYBE I AM SCARED OF MY OWN HEAD. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I AM SCARED OF MYSELF. NOT SURE HOW I WILL GET OVER THIS CRAZY FEAR BUT I WILL! I JUST HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO BE ALONE AGAIN. I HAVE TO GET BACK TO ME AND WHO I USED TO BE. MAYBE I AM ASKING TO MUCH OF MYSELF AND THAT IS PART OF THE PROBLEM. MAYBE I NEED TO RELAX AND TRY AND NOT WORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING. MAYBE IN TIME THINGS WILL GET BACK TO HOW THEY USED TO BE. ALL I CAN DO IS KNOW THAT ONE DAY THINGS WILL BE BETTER. I MEAN AT SOME POINT I HAVE TO HAVE A GOOD DAY!
I AM CONSIDERING MEETING WITH MY DAD SOON. NOT SURE WHEN I WILL DO IT BUT I AM FEELING THAT THE TIME IS RIGHT FOR ME TO MAKE THAT STEP. IT HURTS ME THAT MY MOTHER DOESN’T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME THOUGH. OH WELL I GUESS ALL I CAN DO IS TRY AND NOT LET THE PAIN OF HOW SHE IS HURT ME ANYMORE. I AM NOT GOING TO LET HER HURT ME ANYMORE SHE HAS DONE ENOUGH OF THAT. IF SHE WANTS ME AROUND SHE KNOWS WHERE I AM AT. I WON’T REACH OUT TO HER ANYMORE. I AM DONE REACHING OUT TO PEOPLE THAT DON’T WANT ME AROUND. AT LEAST MY DAD IS TRYING TO GET TO KNOW ME AND TRY AND REBUILD A RELATIONSHIP. I THINK WE WILL ONLY EVER BE FRIENDS BUT THAT IS BETTER THAN NOTHING. I CAN ALWAYS USE MORE FRIENDS AND MAYBE IN TIME WE CAN HAVE A FATHER DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP. I AM JUST GOING TO TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME AND HOPE FOR THE BEST. I NEED TO TRY AND GET TO KNOW THE OUT CASTS IN MY FAMILY BECAUSE I AM ONE AS WELL. I KNOW EVERYONE NEEDS FAMILY SO I THINK ALL THE OUT CASTS IN MY FAMILY SHOULD UNITE AND FORM OUR OWN FAMILY!
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