IT IS THURSDAY AND I AM STRUGGLING A LOT TODAY. I AM ON EDGE AND I AM NOT SURE WHY. I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO FREAK OUT AND JUST RUN AWAY. I AM NOT DEALING WELL WITH ANYTHING RIGHT NOW. I AM TRYING BUT I CAN’T SEEM TO CALM DOWN. MAYBE IT IS BECAUSE IT IS THAT TIME OF OF THE MONTH OR MAYBE IT IS STRESS. WHO KNOWS ANYMORE.
I HAVE BEEN EMAILING MY STEP SISTER APRIL. IT IS SO CUTE I HAVE NEVER HAD ANYONE YOUNGER THAN ME TO TALK TO. MY BROTHER IS YOUNGER AND SO IS ARI BUT NOT BY MUCH. I WISH AT TIMES I COULD GO BACK TO THOSE YEARS OF NOT CARING AND JUST GOING TO SCHOOL AND NOT HAVING ALL OF THE RESPONSIBILITY’S THAT COME WITH GETTING OLDER. I ALSO WISH I COULD GO BACK TO A TIME WHEN I WASN’T SICK ALL THE TIME. BUT THAT CAN’T HAPPEN ALL I CAN DO IS LIVE IN TODAY AND HOPE IT GETS BETTER THAN WHAT IT HAS BEEN.
ELINORE IS GETTING A LITTLE BIT BETTER BUT NOT MUCH. IT IS ALWAYS UP AND DOWN WITH CATS THOUGH. ALL I CAN DO IS WAIT THOUGH BECAUSE I CAN’T AFFORD TO TAKE HER TO THE VET. SO I HOPE SHE GETS BETTER, BUT IF NOT THEN IT MUST BE HER TIME TO GO. I KNOW LOSING HER RIGHT NOW WOULD PUT ME OVER THE EDGE THOUGH. I CAN DEAL WITH A LOT BUT I CAN’T DEAL WITH THAT RIGHT NOW. I WILL BE LIKE MY CHILD DYING.
I GUESS LACHELLE’S MOM THROUGH HER OUT SO SHE IS STAYING WITH US FOR A WEEK OR AT LEAST THAT IS WHAT GRANDPA SAID. HE DOESN’T WANT HER TO STAY ANY LONGER THAN THAT. SO WE WILL SEE WHAT ENDS UP HAPPENING YOU NEVER KNOW WITH MY CRAZY FAMILY. THINGS ALWAYS CHANGE IN A MOMENTS TIME.
JOSH WON’T SEEM TO MAKE UP HIS MIND AND THAT KEEPS ME ALWAYS WONDERING IF I AM DOING THE RIGHT THING. I DON’T KNOW THAT I COULD EVER FORGIVE HIM FOR TELLING ME ON CHRISTMAS DAY THAT HE WANTED A DIVORCE. HOW AFTER HIM DOING THAT COULD I EVER FORGIVE HIM. I KNOW I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT HE DID THAT ON CHRISTMAS. I DON’T KNOW IT WOULD EVER BE THE SAME. I THINK I WOULD GO BACK IF HE HADN’T DONE IT ON CHRISTMAS. THAT MAKES HIM LEAVING ME EVEN HARDER TO DEAL WITH BECAUSE I KNOW EVERY YEAR NOW I WILL REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED ON CHRISTMAS DAY.
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