I FEEL BAD TODAY. I FEEL LIKE I RUINED JOSH’S WEEKEND AND I FEEL BAD FOR MY BROTHER AND LACHELLE. SO MUCH HAS GONE ON THE PAST TWO DAYS THAT I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN. IT SEEMS LIKE JUST WHEN I WAS HOPING THAT JOSH AND I WOULD HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND THINGS GOT MESSED UP. I FEEL BAD THAT I RUINED HIS WEEKEND WITH ME BECAUSE I LET THINGS GET IN THE WAY THAT SHOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN IN THE WAY. I KNOW BETTER BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT SINCE I AM NOT ON ANY PILLS THINGS GET TO ME EASIER AND GET ME WORKED UP MORE THAT WHEN I AM ON SOMETHING. I AM HOPING THAT I WILL GET BACK ON SOMETHING ON TUESDAY WHEN I GO AND SEE THE DOCTOR. I KNOW ME BEING ON SOMETHING WILL HELP CALM MY NERVES AND HELP ME NOT GET WORKED UP OVER LITTLE THINGS. I KNOW THAT I CAN GET BALANCED OUT AND I CAN’T WAIT FOR THAT DAY TO COME.
CHRIS AND LACHELLE ARE OVER AND THAT HAS BEEN A LOT OF THE DRAMA THIS WEEKEND. I FEEL SO BAD FOR BOTH OF THEM. I WANTED THINGS TO WORK WITH THEM. I HATE TO SEE PEOPLE SAD AND HURTING. I KNOW THEY HAVE BOTH SAID AND DONE THINGS THEY SHOULDN’T HAVE BUT I KNOW THEY BOTH LOVE EACH OTHER. THEY JUST DON’T KNOW HOW TO SHOW IT. I KNOW THEY BOTH HAVE ISSUES THAT NEED TO BE ADDRESSED BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT THEY MAY NEVER ADDRESS THEM AND THEN AGAIN MAYBE IN TIME THINGS WILL CHANGE AND IT WILL WORK FOR THEM. HOW THINGS HAVE BEEN THE LAST FEW MONTHS HASN’T BEEN HEALTHY FOR EITHER OF THEM. I KNOW THEY ARE YOUNG AND THEY WILL LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE AND MAKES CHANGES THAT THEY NEED TO MAKE.
I AM A STRONG BELIEVE IN FATE AND KARMA. I KNOW THAT IF YOU ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER FOR EVER IT WILL WORK AND IF NOT IT WON’T WORK OUT. I ALSO KNOW THAT KARMA WORKS AND PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS GET WHAT IS COMING TO THEM. IT MAY TAKE YEARS FOR IT HAPPEN BUT THEY ALWAYS GET WHAT THE DESERVE IN TIME. I ALSO THINK TIME SUCKS MORE AND MORE EACH DAY. IT ALWAYS DRAGS DURING THE WEEK AND FLIES BY ON THE WEEKENDS!
FEELING BAD
MISTI
WELL MISTI AND I WENT TO DINNER TONIGHT AND LIKE I SAID EARLIER WE FIGURED IT ALL OUT LIKE WE ALWAYS DO. I THINK WHEN SHE GOT HOME AND READ THE LETTER THAT I WROTE SHE GOT ALOT OF THINGS ABOUT ME AND COULD TELL I WAS SORRY FOR EVERYTHING BUT THIS IS HOW I AM AND I WON’T CHANGE ME! I KNOW PARTS OF ME HAVE TO CHANGE AND I AM WILLING TO CHANGE THOSE PARTS BUT THERE ARE OTHER PARTS THAT ARE JUST ME AND I CAN’T AND WON’T CHANGE. WE JUST NEEDS A FEW DAYS TO CALM DOWN AND THINK ABOUT THINGS AND WE BOTH ALWAYS COME TO OUR SENSE AND SEE WHAT WE DID WRONG. I KNOW SHE IS REALLY STRUGGLING NOW AND I WANT HER TO KNOW THAT THE DAYS SHE NEEDS A SHOULDER TO CRY ON OR SOMEONE TO VENT TOO ALL SHE HAS TO DO IS SAY SO. I WILL BE THERE. RIGHT NOW I AM IN A SPOT WHERE I KNOW THAT I HELP HER. FOR ONCE WE AREN’T GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING. OR AT LEAST WE AREN’T RIGHT NOW. I KNOW THIS WEEKEND WILL BE HARD FOR HER AND I WANT HER TO KNOW THAT IF SHE WANTS TO HANG WITH ME JOSH AND HIS STUDENT SHE IS MORE THAN WELCOME TOO.
REMEMBER MISTI TIME WILL HEAL IT AND I AM HERE FOR YOU NO MATTER THE TIME OR PLACE! WE WILL ALWAYS FIGHT CAUSE WE ARE SO CLOSE BUT IN THE END WE ALWAYS COME BACK TO EACH OTHER AND NOTHING WILL CHANGE ABOUT THAT!
JULY 4TH
TODAY WAS A REALLY HARD DAY FOR ME. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME SINCE I HAVE BEEN ALIVE THAT I HAVEN’T GONE AND SEEN THE FIREWORKS. I REALLY HAVE NO MOTIVATION TO GO AND SEE THEM. I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING AT ALL TODAY. I AM REALLY STRUGGLING WITH THE THOUGHT OF BRITA BEING FOUR ON TUESDAY. I DON’T KNOW IF I WILL MAKE IT THROUGH TUESDAY! I KNOW THAT I WILL GET THROUGH IT BUT I AM SURE IT WILL BE ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS. I HAVE DONE SO WELL UP UNTIL NOW BUT I KNOW THAT EVERYDAY IS DIFFERENT WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT. I KNOW THAT IN TIME I WON’T STRUGGLE AS MUCH AND I ALSO KNOW THAT SOME YEARS WILL BE HARDER THAN OTHERS ARE. IT IS WEIRD TO ME THAT I CAN REMEMBER THINGS LIKE THEY WHERE YESTERDAY. I STILL REMEMBER CLIMBING A FENCE WHEN I AM PREGNANT SO THAT I COULD WATCH THE FIREWORKS.
JOSH AND I HAVE BEEN TALKING A LOT THIS WEEKEND AND I GUESS WE ARE GOING TO TRY AND WORK IT OUT. SO WE WILL SEE WHAT HAPPENS WITH THAT. I KNOW THAT MOST PEOPLE WON’T AGREE WITH ME AND WHAT I AM DOING, BUT I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THEY THINK. I AM GOING TO DO WITH IT AND IF PEOPLE DON’T AGREE WITH ME THEN THEY CAN JUST GO AWAY. I KNOW THAT IF I DIDN’T TRY THIS ONE LAST TIME THAT I WOULD ALWAYS WONDER WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED AND IF IT WOULD HAVE WORKED. I THINK IF HIM AND I GO AND GET COUNSELING WE CAN GET IT TO WORK.
THE GIRLS ARE LOVING THIS WARM WEATHER. THEY ARE ALWAYS OUTSIDE NOW. I AM SURE IF THEY COULD THEY WOULD STAY OUT THERE ALL THE TIME! I AM SURE GETTING TIRED OF CLEANING UP THROW UP EVERY DAY. IT IS JUST PART OF LIFE I GUESS. SINCE I HAVE LONG HAIR CATS I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE HAIRBALLS AND THE THROW UP.
WEEKEND FUN…OR LACK OF FUN
THIS WEEKEND I SPENT MOST OF IT IN BED BECAUSE I FELT LIKE CRAP! I THINK I CAUGHT WHAT EVERYONE AT WORK HAS HAD BUT THEY WERE ABLE TO FIGHT IT OFF AND I WASN’T ABLE TOO. OH WELL GUESS THERE IS NOTHING THAT I COULD DO BUT HOPE IT HAS PASSED NOW.
I DID WALK ON SATURDAY MORNING WITH GRANDPA THOUGH. IT WAS SO NICE TO WALK WITH SOMEONE AND NOT HAVE TO WALK ALL ALONE LIKE I HAVE HAD TO DO LATELY. I HAVEN’T LOST ANY WEIGHT THOUGH. NOT SURE WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THAT BUT OH WELL GUESS I AM GOING TO ALWAYS BE THE FAT KID.
ON SATURDAY THE COUPON CAME FOR THE BOX FOR THE TV. I WAS SUPER EXCITED!!!! NOW I HAVE TV IN MY ROOM! IT IS ONLY LOCAL CHANNELS OF COURSE BUT IT IS BETTER THAN JUST HAVING MOVIES TO WATCH THAT IS FOR SURE. I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO PAY ANYTHING FOR IT. GRANDPA DID IT ALL FOR ME BECAUSE HE FEELS BAD THAT ALL I HAVE HAD TO WATCH IS MOVIES. OH WELL I AM SURE I WILL STILL WATCH MOVIES MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT IS ON TV ANYMORE BECAUSE I HAVEN’T HAD TV IN OVER A YEAR.
PLAYING IN THE RAIN
DRAMA FILLED NIGHT
WELL LAST NIGHT WAS DRAMA FILLED THAT IS FOR SURE. I KNOW CAN SEE WHAT OTHERS SAW WHEN JOSH AND I FOUGHT ALL THE TIME. IT WAS A JOKE THAT IS FOR SURE. I TRIED NOT TO ARGUE AND HOME SO THAT OTHERS WOULDN’T HAVE TO HEAR US. WELL MY BROTHER AND LACHELLE DON’T HAVE THE SAME CONSIDERATION. THEY STARTED FIGHTING AT LIKE 10:30 LAST NIGHT AND DIDN’T STOP UNTIL ABOUT 1 AND THEN IT STARTED ALL OVER AGAIN AT 5:30 THIS MORNING. I AM NOT SURE WHAT THE ARGUMENT WAS ABOUT BUT I FINALLY SAID SOMETHING AND OF COURSE THAT CAUSED MY LITTLE BROTHER TO GET MAD AT ME, BUT WHAT I SAID WAS SOON FORGOTTEN BECAUSE MY GRANDMA CALLED HER A BRAT. LOL MY GRANDMA SAID SHE WOULD HAVE KILLED MY LITTLE BROTHER AND I IF WE ACTED LIKE SHE WAS ACTING. MY BROTHER THEN GOT MAD AT GRANDMA FOR CALLING HER A BRAT. HELL SHE WAS ACTING LIKE A BRAT. SO WHEN IT IS ALL SAID AND DONE I GOT ABOUT 3 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT. LIVING THERE IS SUCH A JOKE THAT IS FOR SURE. LACHELLE WAS ON A BITCH ALL WEEKEND LONG THOUGH. I AM NOT SURE WHY SHE ALWAYS PISSY BUT GRANDPA HAS HAD ABOUT ENOUGH OF IT I THINK. HE SAID THAT HER AND HIM ARE GOING TO SIT DOWN AND TALK SO WE WILL SEE IF THAT EVER HAPPENS.
I WAS SO SAD THAT THE WEATHER SUCKED ALL WEEKEND LONG. I WAS WANTING TO WALK TO TRY AND LOSE SOME WEIGHT BUT IT WAS ALWAYS RAINING SO I COULDN’T WALK OUTSIDE. I WILL TRY AGAIN TONIGHT. I HAVE TO LOSE THE WEIGHT THAT I HAVE GAINED LATELY. I AM BACK IN MY FAT CLOTHES AGAIN AND THAT ALWAYS MAKES FOR A BAD BAD DAY.
THE GIRLS ARE ALWAYS OUTSIDE NOW. THEY ARE LOVING THE WARM WEATHER. THEY WERE SAD ALL WEEKEND CAUSE THEY COULDN’T GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY. I HOPE IT STAYS NICE FROM NOW ON. I AM TIRED OF COLD FOR RIGHT NOW AND SO ARE THE GIRLS!
THIS SWINE FLU IS REALLY SCARING ME IT MAKES ME WANNA BE A HERMIT AND NOT EVEN WORK. I AM SCARED THAT I WILL CATCH IT. ALL I CAN SAY IS I AM BEING CAREFUL AND I PRAY TO GOD THAT I DON’T CATCH IT.
MY NEW PROJECT
MY NEW PROJECT IS SCRAPEBOOKING THE PICTURES OF THE CUBS THAT I HAVE!!! I SPENT MOST OF THE DAY GETTING PICTURES THAT I HAVE OFF OF MY PHONE AND UPLOADING THEM ONLINE TO GET THEM PRINTED. I ALSO BOUGHT A BOOK FOR THE PAGES. I AM SO EXCITED BECAUSE I LOVE TO SCRAPEBOOK AND IT WILL GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS. I CAN’T WAIT TO GO AND GET THE PICTURES!!!!!!!!
