Written by a Teenage Birth Mother
I had a secret that I knew, for a time, I must hide
A treasure I hugged to me, buried deep inside.
I knew I couldn’t hide it for terribly long,
but I wanted to delay hearing, my joy was wrong.
A treasure I hugged to me, buried deep inside.
I knew I couldn’t hide it for terribly long,
but I wanted to delay hearing, my joy was wrong.
But I stood up for us when I might’ve ran,
And hoped we’d be treated with a kind hand.
There were some who wanted to, but couldn’t;
Then ones that could but thought they shouldn’t.
And hoped we’d be treated with a kind hand.
There were some who wanted to, but couldn’t;
Then ones that could but thought they shouldn’t.
So I went out on my own and gave it my best,
I worked and worked with very little rest.
I paid my rent, and bought my food,
And went to the doctor just like I should.
I worked and worked with very little rest.
I paid my rent, and bought my food,
And went to the doctor just like I should.
I was a child in a harsh world and so naive
I was such an innocent and I believed
I could raise this child of my body and heart
That nothing could happen to keep us apart.
I was such an innocent and I believed
I could raise this child of my body and heart
That nothing could happen to keep us apart.
Then I felt the flutter of my joy and I would sing
To him of love and ponies and other sweet things.
He sang to my soul too in a whispery voice
And that’s when I started to question my choice.
To him of love and ponies and other sweet things.
He sang to my soul too in a whispery voice
And that’s when I started to question my choice.
My heart burned with love, fear and shame
As I thought all I could give him was love and a name.
I wanted a life for him I knew I couldn’t give
I wanted a chance for him to honestly live.
As I thought all I could give him was love and a name.
I wanted a life for him I knew I couldn’t give
I wanted a chance for him to honestly live.
Ignoring my heart’s screams, I signed on the line,
patting his butt in my tummy, saying it’s going to be fine.
I continued to sing to him though it was bittersweet,
But hoped it would help him remember me, until we meet.
patting his butt in my tummy, saying it’s going to be fine.
I continued to sing to him though it was bittersweet,
But hoped it would help him remember me, until we meet.
It was harder than what I imagine death could be,
Trying to remember he was someone else’s baby,
I wasn’t allowed to touch or hold him when he was born,
And my heart cracked and bled as I cried and mourned.
Trying to remember he was someone else’s baby,
I wasn’t allowed to touch or hold him when he was born,
And my heart cracked and bled as I cried and mourned.
I thought I was a bad mom and selfish to miss him so,
That my reasons were sound and I should let him go.
So I squared my shoulders and I went on
Though I never forgot or stopped loving my son.
That my reasons were sound and I should let him go.
So I squared my shoulders and I went on
Though I never forgot or stopped loving my son.
Cathy Kerns, © 1982
